Chronicles of The Fox apprentice
by Laugher
Summary: something to read when you've got nothing to do...or want to point out the grammatical faults...or...well...it's gonna kill your time i'm not promising the BEST STORY EVER but it'll kill your time pretty well yes...harem is in it too smart and powerful naruto he also gets a companion around the middle of the story that's not from the story enjoy
1. Chapter 1

this story is about naruto which in my version, is pretty and strong BUT tends to act stupid and weak so no one would find out he trains under the kyuubi  
let us roll on:

It was just a normal day like any other with people tending to their businesses, children playing around and the usual prank here and there, also there was a little boy passing by with cold glares being sent at him by the people who resented him  
the boy had whisker marks on his cheeks and blond spiky hair, black shorts and a white shirt with a red swirl mark on it

He ignored the glares and tried to calm himself because they didn't know how the seal worked…they didn't know his father is the freaking fourth that saved their asses…that they didn't know he's actually a hero for keeping the kyuubi in and not unleashing it on their asses  
he could also feel a strange sensation like he was being watched…and it wasn't just a glare….more like someone was killing him with his stare  
"hoo, its gonna be a long day"

**THAT NIGHT**

Little naruto was coming out of his favorite ramen stand and practically the only place that accepted him and didn't give him years-passed-date food  
"see you later teuchi-san, ayame-chan"  
"see you later kid" said the old man with a warm smile  
"have a safe walk home naruto-kun" said the smaller girl  
'I'll have a safe walk alright…' he thought as he exited the stand and decided to take the short-cut home.  
he was passing the alley to his house when he saw someone standing at the end of the alley with an ANBU bear mask on him  
'I was kinda expecting gramps to control his troops better'  
'**so…gut or the heart kid?'  
**'you and I both know he might be watching so I guess the usual…suck up threats, curses and whole lotsa pain'

The masked ANBU approached naruto silently and naruto knew exactly what was coming so he trembled a little and asked with a shaky voice  
"c..can I help you sir?"  
"yes demon…help me by bringing back my family"he said and took out a kunai that shone with a promise of pain under the moonlight "by dying with screams of pain just as they did"  
'**let me drink his blood and I'll cancel tomorrow's training and we can go peeking in women's baths'  
**'tempting…but no…brace yourself now kura'  
the kunai was shoved into his gut and it made its way up through his chest cavity as the ANBU tried to practically lift the child with it  
naruto then fell down with a dull thump and heard the man laugh insanely before everything blacked out

**TWO WEEKS AFTER THE ACCIDENT**

The hokage sat in his office, taking a break from the paperwork that made him think about suicide  
he took a deep puff from his pipe  
he sighed to himself and thought about the boy he acknowledged as his own grandson  
"naruto…"  
his thoughts trailed to the so-called accident as the council declared it

_THE NIGHT OF NARUTO BEING ATTACKED BY THE ANBU_

He watched through his crystal ball in horror as the bear ANBU shoved the kunai into naruto  
he immediately shouted "ANBU" and his two loyal defenders appeared out of nowhere  
"Tenzo, go get ibiki ready…he's in for a long one"  
with a strong "HAI" he disappeared which left him alone with an ANBU with a dog mask on  
"inu…kakashi, I want to know his name, location, heck even blood type on my desk tonight"  
"hai hokage-sama" and he vanished in a small smoke

The hokage then rushed to the scene only to find naruto lying there lifelessly  
he took the boy in his arms not caring that the blood turned his white robe, crimson, and shunshined to the hospital  
"BRING ME A DOCTOR NOW!" he shouted with command and it was mere seconds before a glassed man with a long black pony-tail appeared  
"hai hokage-sama?"  
he put naruto in his arms and said with command "your life is now in his hands doctor…he dies, you die"  
he looked at the boy before his eyes practically bulged out and hit his glasses  
the boy's guts were almost visible!  
he immediately took the child to an operation room and turned on the red sign above the door which meant operation was on the go

_Flash back end_

He was going to go to his crystal room and watch naruto just incase when his assistant with a giant load of papers came inside and dropped it on his desk  
"enjoy hokage-sama" she said as she massaged her sore muscles  
he stared at the heap which was twice his height and thought to himself what kind of katon would be suitable and why he had her here

**MEANWHILE IN THE FARDEST TRAINING GROUND**

naruto lied there, soaking from head to toe in water and there were weight seals on his arms and legs  
'goddamn fox…'  
'**heard that…'**  
'shut up…'  
**'interesting way of respecting your sensei'  
**'what kind of sensei makes his 7 year old student learn water walking?'  
**'what kind of a 7 year old wants to fuse his chakra completely with the strongest bijuu?'  
**'what kind of a bijuu asks his student to peek at women's bath as payment for training?'  
**'…water walk…NOW!'  
**naruto got up lazily and concentrated until his feet glowed a small hint of blue and stood atop the calm river  
'when are we gonna start learning useful stuff?'  
**'when are we going to the hotspring village?'  
**'….'  
**'that's right so keep quiet before I change my mind on training you brat'  
**'care to tell me about these weight seals?'  
**'torture of course…and you need muscles to run when shit like that happens again'  
**'and the ones on my arms?'  
**'incase of you not being able to run them out…well…at least punch them in a vital spot and knock them out of course…did I also mention torture?'  
**'…'  
'**guhuhuhu…'**  
'…thanks…'  
**'…ahh don't mention it…it's the least I can do with what you're going through'  
**'I was thanking god for giving me such patience'  
'**SONUVA-'  
**their conversation was cut short when naruto lost his control on purpose and they sank into the river

_THREE MONTHS LATER IN THE SAME TRAINING GROUND_

Naruto was soaking wet yet again but this time it was all sweat  
he had just finished running full speed for 2 hours plus weights thanks to kurama's chakra and stamina of course  
he had almost gotten the hang of their chakra mixtures and was now able to easily stand on water or walk on trees

His appearance had also changed  
he now wore black pants that reached to under his knees and a black shirt that had his trademark swirl which was a size too big so it was kinda baggy for him

"phew…that's today's training…ramen?"  
**"how about some freaking hotsprings? Its been 5 months now idiot and I need my spirits to remain…vigorous!"  
**naruto decided not to answer back and just go home for a much needed rest  
he looked around and finally noticed it was already sunset so he took off the seals and placed them in his pockets carefully because if they stuck to the pocket sides, his pants would weight about 50kg in total

**An hour later, night time, hyuuga district**

Naruto jumped off the tree and decided to walk, not risking the chance of being seen

He then noticed a dark shadow coming out of the mansion with something in its arms  
'hmm…'  
he then decided to follow the shadow out of curiousity and also because his way home was that way  
he noticed the "thing" in his arms was a young girl with indigo colored hair and a mini kimoto sleeping and he was a ninja fully dressed in battle armor and had the kumo sign on his headband  
'fucker….might need your help on this one fox'  
**'mind me asking why you're even bothering with saving a…..oh…..i see why….guhuhuu…little naru-kun is growing up'  
**ignoring his weird comment he shunshined and appeared in front of the man  
the man looked to be around his forties and his scars were proof of his experience  
"where the hell did you come from brat?"  
his answer was a sudden kick to his face in a speed you'd expect from a chuunin  
as he flew backward from the kick to his face, he gripped the young girl, careful not to harm his treasure  
"brat…I almost threw the girl…where's your chivalry?"  
naruto forced back a facepalm as the kyuubi snickered in the back of his mind  
"leave the girl and I'll pretend this never happened" said naruto trying to look confident  
he knew he was in for it  
this guy was probably a freaking jounin while he was a mere student with only speed and strong body, and no more then the basic jutsus  
but he hoped that the kumo-nin would at least act ninja and not make too much of a commotion with his flashy thunder jutsus  
the kumo-nin laughed as he put the girl down and prepared to rush at the boy  
"I'm gonna skin you alive brat!"  
naruto was preparing to evade…until the man fell limp  
behind him was a man with pale eyes in a strange taijutsu stand and his hand was where the man's neck would be before he fell  
this man had a pretty stern face and his long traditional dress made him look even more stern  
'really could use some info here…'  
**'relax gaki, he's a hyuuga…I'll explain their bloodline to you later but for now don't worry, I don't think he'll kill his daughter's savior'  
**naruto was about to relax before the man started to walk towards him  
he first picked up the young girl carefully and looked at naruto then  
he smiled…tried to smile with the stern marks still on  
"you don't wear a headband boy but the enemy of my enemy is my friend.  
I owe you a great debt for stalling him long enough for me to make it and save my daughter"  
naruto was at a loss for words from being complemented for the first time in his life and blushed a bit  
"n…no problem sir…err…good night now" and just like that he shunshined outta there

"uzumaki naruto…you might not be a demon afterall"  
with that said, he returned to his mansion.

_Back with naruto in his apartment_

"DID YOU FREAKING SEE THAT?  
I WAS PRAISED!"  
**'…damn….forever alone much?'  
**"and did you see how I kicked the guy in the face?"  
**'I also remember you being too caught up in the moment and not saving your reason for fighting the guy'  
**"SHUT UP…you're ruining my mood…CUP RAMEN CELEBRATION TIME"  
kyuubi wanted to tell him about how prestigious the hyuuga clan is but decided to just explain how their bloodline works  
and with that naruto kept thinking about how his hard-work payed off and decided to train much harder so he could one day protect everyone…one day be a hokage!

And that's that people  
hope you're enjoying my first chapter  
next time I'll be explaining his five years of training till he turns 13 and explain why he fails academy even with all that power  
also gonna tell how he's so friendly with the fox


	2. Chapter 2

Here's the second chapter hot as pie  
let us roll on:

**TWO WEEKS AFTER THE KUMO-NIN INCIDENT**

The hokage took a deep puff from his pipe thinking of how he had to overlook the incident with kumo since he wasn't exactly ready for war and wasn't planning on endangering his people  
but what really bugged him was what naruto was doing there at such a time  
he had tried asking the boy but he would just say he was out chasing the moon…his excuses reminded him of someone  
that's when the door snapped open revealing a mountain of paperwork  
"enjoy hok-"  
"excuse me but what do you do as my assistant?"  
she dropped the paperwork on the desk and with her arms across her flat chest said  
"I bring you the latest icha-icha series and keep your secret of looking at the hotsprings with your crystal ball of course hokage-sama"  
he nearly had a seizure  
how could a simple assistant know so much?

**NARUTO'S TRAINING FIELD**

Today was a special day for naruto  
today he would learn new jutsu…well…his first jutsu

'so what's it gonna be?  
a jutsu to tear through walls?  
or drown a whole village?'  
'**how about something useful like kawarimi or henge?'  
**'seriously?'  
**'uhh..yeah  
if u wanna graduate on time…..or not…guhuhuhu'  
**'what's with the creepy laughing?'  
**'well if you became a ninja, you would naturally be under training by another, higher level ninja and that would cut back your special training….if you know what I mean'  
**sometimes naruto thanked kami for giving him such an awesomely annoying companion  
'I see….so tell me…what's this kawarimi and henge about?'

**5 YEARS LATER**

There was a commotion going on around the academy  
apparently it was graduation day for genins except for one with a black long-sleeve swirl-marked shirt and long black pants with a scarf on his neck who sat on a lonely wooden swing  
'this is becoming a bother…acting pathetic and all…can we go training now?'  
he was being glared at by the parents from time to time and could hear some of them talking about how a demon should never become a ninja  
**'relax kid…sides…today is our day off remember?'**

Naruto adjusted his black with red stripe scarf on his neck and shunshined out of there  
mizuki seeing this as an opportunity offered the boy a secret way to pass the test and it involved a secret scroll  
naruto who thought of this only as more jutsu for himself decided to play along and act stupid  
"you really mean it mizuki-sensei?"  
"of course I do naruto, meet me at the old cabin in the woods after you have the scroll" he gave the location of the cabin and watched with a smirk at how easily the boy was fooled  
naruto on the other hand couldn't stop smiling with his lips reaching his ears

**HOKAGE MANSION**

"naruto my dear…what are you doing in my house?  
naruto had to think fast on this one…how can you beat a kage in the stupidest way for a genin's level?  
then it came to him from all his times in the springs  
"SEXY NO JUTSU"  
and the old man was done for

**LATER ON INSIDE THE FOREST, NEAR THE CABIN**

Naruto found a comfy place to check the scroll out and looked at the first jutsu on the scroll  
'shadow clone?...dafuq?...wow…'  
he was reading through the secret uses of the kage-bunshin when one angry iruka appeared out of the bushes  
"NARUTOOOO!"  
'oh shit…I was gonna check the next one'  
"ir…iruka-sensei" he said with a sheepish grin on his face  
"I finally learned the shadow clone jutsu sensei"  
'**kid…what are you doing?...we need to train you to at least jounin level before graduation'  
**'relax kurama…with what I just learnt about konoha's kage-bunshin…we'll have plenty of time'  
naruto put his index and middle fingers together and both hands in a plus sign and shouted "kage-bunshin" and 3 clones appeared  
BONK!  
he was hit hard on the head by iruka who was fuming  
"YOU IDIOT!  
YOU HAD TO STEAL A FREAKING SECRET S SCROLL TO LEARN SOMETHING SO EASY?  
WHAT WERE YO-"  
he was cut short when mizuki appeared out of the shadows and knocked iruka out by pushing his neck's pressure point  
'…need to learn that later from books from the library…'  
"give me the scroll demon brat"  
'maybe its time we reaped the fruits of our training eh kura?'  
**'entertain me boy' **said kyuubi with a large evil grin  
"ah shut up mizu-baka  
get lost already I wanna read more of this scroll"  
mizuki was about to shove a long kunai into his guts but was greeted by an upper cut from naruto  
"are you fucking deaf?  
I said get lost bitch"  
"don't act cocky boy, what makes you think you can beat an elite chuunin like me?" said mizuki already spinning his giant shuriken with intent to kill  
"I'm just gonna kill you and rid this world of another dem-"  
"FIRE STYLE : FIRE ROCKET" shouted naruto after his hands became blurs of handseals  
he then opened his palm and held it towards mizuki and that's when a fireball was shot at mizuki at incredible speed  
if it wasn't on an instinctual jump, mizuki could have had a hole in his chest considering the speed of the fire since it pierced through two trees before it exploded  
he hadn't still landed when he felt a presence already behind him  
"what dafu-" was all he could say before naruto hit his neck in a dangerous spot, knocking him out instantly…and probably paralyzing him for life  
'shit…I thought I'd at least be able to have fun…ah well…iruka's out cold so what the heck lets just read more of this…sweet gift from god' he thought as he opened the scroll and read more about the pros and cons of a kage-bunshin

**TWO HOURS LATER**

Iruka woke up in the hospital, at first not noticing where he was until he jumped up and said "NARUTO!"  
and there was naruto next to his bed  
asleep on the chair, his face towards the ceiling and his mouth open enough to shove a fist into it…not to mention the waterfall of drool coming out  
"brat…if I wasn't tired I'd piss in your mouth" he then dazed back into slumber

**THE HOKAGE TOWER**

"you have some explaining to do next time we meet my dear naruto…" he said to himself as he watched the whole event happen through his crystal ball  
"I wonder how ibiki is doing with mizuki…" he thought as he lazily went back to the paperwork and his only hope was that when he opened his drawer, he'd see the newest icha-icha

And viola  
I promise I'll explain why he's so goddamn strong next time  
I'll have him explain it to the kage and you will finally find out

Chao's


	3. Chapter 3

Without further ado here's chapter three since I know you're just dying to see it…or not  
we roll:

Naruto got up from his bed lazily and with a big yawn he cursed at his arch nemesis, the sun.  
"fucking sun…just go die"  
he walked towards his fridge with a wobble along and wanted to take the usual milk and egg but decided to start his new day at the academy with a cup ramen…little did he know that the milk was long past its expiration date  
'ready for our first day ku-chan?'  
**'you realize if it wasn't for your dad's seal I'd be raping you for calling me that right?'  
**enjoying the kyuubi's annoyance in the morning he gulped down the ramen in two minutes, got in a black sleeveless shirt, which of course had his favorite swirl sign and wore black pants with red flame marks scorching the end of it with his favorite black and red scarf  
'its gonna be a great day…I can freaking feel it'

**NINJA ACADEMY**

Naruto was wondering what he should do for tomorrow's training when iruka came in through the door with a paper in his hand  
"okay everyone, sit down quietly because I will now announce your teams and who will be your teammates"  
he went through the teams until he reached team seven  
"uchiha sasuke" suddenly the gravity seemed to dense when all girls held their breaths and some even muttered something about selling their souls  
"haruno sakura"  
"hell yeah!" shouted a pink haired, red dressed girl with an enormous forehead that made naruto notice its too big for her headband and forced back a laugh  
"uzumaki naruto"  
"WHAT THE FUCK?" was his answer  
"why do I have to be in a team with a fangirl and a faggot?" said naruto enraged  
he knew the haruno girl was all book smart and would probably be useless, being a fangirl and all  
but he didn't like the uchiha that much either  
kyuubi had told him about the sharingan the night he told him about the byakugan after the kumo-nin incident and naruto didn't like the method of stealing an opponent's much-worked-for jutsu just like that  
"the teams are made to be balanced naruto and you were the dead last as far as I know"  
'…kinda regretting accepting your forehead protector…'  
"well everyone, wait in your assigned rooms and wait for your sensei to come get you

**A ROOM IN THE ACADEMY**

it was about two hours now and everyone else had met their sensei and gone within the first thirty minutes  
"so sasuke-kun…wanna go on a date after this?" said sakura with her face red  
"okay" was sasuke's unexpected answer  
"REALLY?" said sakura as if she was just made the hokage  
"no" said sasuke and naruto broke out laughing  
"yo, is this team seven?" said a silver haired man in jounin suit with his headband over his left eye with his face covered and only his right eye visible  
"YOU'RE LATE" was the united shout of naruto and sakura…and sasuke's if you translate "hmph" into it  
"oh I was just lost on the road of life"  
'hmm…I like his excuses…maybe we'll get along afterall'  
"YOU'RE TWO HOURS LATE, WHAT KIND OF A JOUNIN ARE YOU?" sakura shouted in her not so pleasant voice which made the window glasses cry  
"well…I guess my first impression of this group is…you suck!"  
'…scratch that I'mma whoop his ass later'  
"meet me on the roof"  
he said before disappearing in a poof of smoke

**ROOFTOP OF THE ACADEMY**

"so tell me…what are your names, likes, dislikes and dreams?" said the man with a lazy voice  
"shouldn't you go first?" said the blond  
"well….my name is hatake kakashi…I don't like many things…I don't hate anything in particular…..and my dream is…none of your business"  
'**are you thinking what I'm thinking kid?'**  
'should we put explosives in his toilet or put grease in his bed?'  
**'sure why not'  
**"your turn now" said kakashi with a what-appeared-to-be-a-smile on his masked face  
"brooders first" he pointed at the uchiha  
"my name is uchiha sasuke, I don't like many things, I hate a lot of things and my dream is to kill a certain man"  
naruto could feel sakura practically orgasming over his speech  
"interesting…pinky"  
"my name is haruno sakura…I like…"she glanced at sasuke  
"my dream is…" she squealed which made naruto certain she just came hard  
"and your dislikes?"  
"NARUTO" she said in her bitch-voice  
"okay…blondie"  
"I'm chuck Norris,I like to fly around the world helping people and I dislike evil doers and my dream is to be a pony when I die" he said with a grin  
"…seriously?"  
"of course not you idiot  
what kind of a ninja gives away everything about himself just like that?"  
"well I'm your sensei so…whether you like it or not you have to answer"  
"well…I'm naruto uzumaki  
I like icha-icha books"  
but in reality he just bought them for kyuubi's sake so he could skip peeking sessions  
at that moment kakashi felt in heaven and swore to keep an eye on the boy's trainings in the future  
naruto on the other hand was creeped out because kakashi was looking at him with his eye wide as a dining plate and naturally ignored sasuke and sakura's confused looks  
"err…I also love ramen  
I hate people who talk a lot mind you sakura-chan"  
BONK...was the answer received  
"I also hate brooders"  
sasuke decided to ignore  
"and my dream is…to WRITE ONE OF THE ICHA-ICHA SERIES!...nah I'm just fucking with you  
I wanna be the strongest hokage ever"  
and just like that kakashi's hopes for someone to carry his legacy was over  
"well…its an interesting group…meet tomorrow at training ground eleven for your test"  
"but we already passed the test" was the pinkette's statement  
**'can we rape her please?...i'll teach you how to destroy a mountain with a jutsu'  
**'I'd scream okay that moment but sadly…I'd be a rogue-nin and that's not something in the path of a hokage'  
"oh that was just a test to see if you're worthy for the real one…and naruto…please stay…everyone else have the rest of the day off"

**AFTER SAKURA AND SASUKE LEFT**

"naruto…the hokage asked me to bring you to him but before that…were you serious about the book?"  
"uhhh…duh" naruto decided not to say why he REALLY read that book…although the book could be useful someday  
kakashi put his hand on the boy's shoulder  
"boy…we will get along just fine" he said with tears pooling up in his eye"  
**'RAPE!'  
**"err…so…hokage?"  
"oh right" and they roof-jumped out of there

**HOKAGE'S OFFICE**

Naruto and kakashi appeared behind the window of the hokage office to find the old man giggling behind an orange book facing away from the heap of paperwork  
"ero-gram..." kakashi put a hand on naruto's mind before he could make his statement  
he then opened the window quietly enough to let the man know they were there  
"thank you kakashi  
you have the day off" the old man said still behind his book  
naruto found out that kakashi shut him up so he wouldn't make the old man lose his place on the page which was kinda creepy to him…and that's when he noticed what shit he had gotten himself into  
"yes sir, and have a good day naruto-kun" he said before leaving  
**'okay…where dafuq did the kun come from?'**  
the old man put down his book and looked at naruto with a serious but red cheeked face which showed the effect of the book was still on  
"naruto…I'm gonna be honest…how did you beat an elite chuunin like mizuki?"  
'MOTHERFUCKER…HOW COULD YOU NOT NOTICE IF HE WAS WATCHING OR NOT?'  
**'OH SHUT IT…I was thinking of myuki-tama's breasts at the moment'  
**'…well…okay…I guess I'll let it slide this once…' and that was his defeat for worshipping a woman and talking about it with a demon  
"w-well you see…" he stuttered  
"I did it with ease" he tried to be as concise as possible  
"I know naruto  
I saw it through my crystal ball"  
'no shit'  
"what I wanna know is how you did it with ease…either my training program for chuunins is weak…or you're keeping something from me"  
"actually he was pretty weak so I guess it's the first one"  
"narutooo…" he said with a dangerous edge  
"okay fine…but no one is to know about this" he turned on his heel  
"and when I say no one I mean all three of you should leave"  
the hokage had a slight seizure when naruto noticed his three best ANBU get discovered like that  
"you may leave us…" he said before three figures appeared out of the wall and disappeared after a slight bow  
"so gramps…you want the crash course or the whole deal?"  
sarutobi sat down on his chair and lit his pipe  
"the latter"  
naruto sat down on the couch and put his feet up and made himself home  
"lets see…"

and presto...Yes…I know I promised training years and how he's strong and yes I'm gonna deliver  
I'm gonna be detailed with it so I guess I decided to give a whole chapter to it  
peace out


	4. Chapter 4

Here's chapter four as promised and expected  
we roll:

_FLASHBACK TO WHEN NARUTO WAS SIX_

naruto was sitting in the corner of his room, sobbing to himself  
today was his sixth birthday and just when he came out of his favorite ramen stand, he was greeted by a mob of cursing villagers, calling him demon and damning him to hell for killing their families and beloveds  
as he cried himself to sleep, he suddenly noticed he couldn't feel the moonlight on his face anymore  
he opened his eyes to see himself in what seemed to be a sewer way with pipes running all around him  
he saw a light at the end of the tunnel that shimmered red and behind him was utter darkness, and being a child, he was still terrified of the dark so he decided to go to the light.  
as he approached it, he entered a room with a giant barred gate reaching to infinite darkness with a paper on it that read "seal".  
"**hmm?...kinda early for you to meet me no?...shrimp?"  
**"wh…who's there?"  
"**come closer so you can see gaki…"  
** as he approached the bars, suddenly three giant claws flew toward him and if it wasn't for the gate, he'd be thorn apart now  
"**shit…missed"  
**"WHOA…Y..YOU'RE THE KYUUBI!" he said with wide eyes since now he could make out the giant orange fox with his tails lashing behind him  
**"wrong…I'm your fairy godmother"  
**"…."  
**"what?"  
**"what are you doing in here?...and where am i?"  
"**you're in your mindscape kid…and I'm sealed inside you thanks to your father, the fourth hokage"  
**"m…my dad's the fourth hokage?"  
**"sure…though…I think people should be worshipping you for keeping me here instead of trying to kill you…or at least NOT try to kill you for being the hero's son…damn you human are friggin stupid"  
**"…then…why…why do they hate me so much?...don't they know about me or about your condition?"  
**"no you freaking idiot  
they see you as the kyuubi…as me in human form so they think that if they kill you they can avenge whatever shitlings I killed"  
**"th…then why did you attack konoha?...what did we ever do to you?"  
"**oh shut up…I was being controlled by your konoha's goddamn sharingan…madara if I remember right  
I'm actually very attached to humans you know…to their females to be exact..guhuhu…their curvalicious-"  
**"HEY!...i'm only six so shouldn't you stop talking about this stuff?"  
**"you annoy me…AWAKEN!"  
**and with that naruto woke up to see it's morning…and not just any morning…from this day onward he knew why he was hated so much and wanted to go to oji-san before he heard something in the back of his mind  
**"don't even think about it kid…what do you think he'll do if he knows I'm talking to you already?"  
**"…then…what should I do?"  
**"go peeking of course!"  
**"and in return?"  
**"…I'll train you?...what else can I do in here?  
I can fucking turn into a pony and give you horse-back rides"  
**"fair enough…when do we start?"  
**"when you're another year or so older  
but for now…studying books and stuff…and by stuff I mean…guhuhuhu…my favorite icha-icha books"  
**"err…and books?"  
"I think the konoha library would suffice…read all the books on human pressure points, vital parts anything"

**FAST FORWARD TO YEAR 1 OF TRAINING**

'**okay kid…since now you have average control over our chakras…I think its time for a little jutsu training…but first…go to the weapon shop and get me a "chakra paper"…don't forget the name'  
**'you're not going anywhere stupid so I'm gonna ask EVEN if I forgot'  
**'point taken…'**

**WEAPON SHOP**

"umm…hellooo"  
since no was behind the counter he decided to look around a bit and was impressed at how some of the weapons had markings on them and some were shiny enough to see yourself in them  
one katana in particular got his interest  
it was about a meter and a half long and looked sharp enough to cut through steel  
"you have a good eye for weapons" a female voice came from behind  
"ack…sorry" he replied turning around to see a little girl with chocolate brown eyes and her hair done in two buns stand on the chair due to lack of height  
"sorry for what?" she said cheerfully  
"..nevermind…ummm…do you…sell chakra papers?"  
"sure" she said and looked through the drawer  
"whatcha gonna do with them?  
cuzz as far as I've seen, only jounins come to dad for these"  
"i..need it cuzz my sensei told me to go get them for tomorrow's training"  
"wow…you must be training to be a real strong person one day"  
"YOU BET YOUR ASS I WILL  
ONE DAY, NARUTO UZUMAKI WILL BE REMEMBERED AS THE GREATEST NINJA TO HAVE EVER EXISTED" he said in sheer excitement not noticing he was posing with his finger pointing up  
**'oh the stupidity…what seven year old has a sensei?'  
**'oh shut up….shit!' he said noticing what he just did and turned bright red since the girl was giggling behind the counter  
"okay naruto-san  
so how many do you need?"  
'fox?'  
'**two…three should do it'  
**'MOTHERLOVER!  
how many elements do you think I have?  
the books said an average ninja has only one elemental affinity'  
**'I quote….AVERAGE human'  
**'…good point'  
"I'll take three…umm…"  
"tenten"  
"I'll have three tenten-san"  
he took the three and paid for it but there was something he really needed to know  
"err…tenten-sa-"  
"just ten-chan is fine"  
"o-okay…ten-chan…how much is that katana?"  
"oh that?  
its not for sale  
its my dad's pride and joy  
he crafted it in a blacksmith tournament and won with it"  
"aww…okay  
thanks  
see you later ten-chan"  
"see ya naruto-kun"  
**'hmhmhm…boy…you realize now you have a hyuuga heiress and probably a master blacksmith's daughter at your disposal right?'  
**'go fuck yourself…'

**BACK IN NARUTO'S PERSONAL TRAINING FIELD**

'so…what do I do with these papers?'  
**'try channeling some of your chakra'  
**doing as told, naruto transferred some chakra into the paper and it was cut in half  
**'wind huh?...okay now try transferring some of my chakra into it'  
**again doing as told, this time the paper was burnt in his hand  
**'as expected…now…come to the gates so I can show you some wind jutsu I know  
though my expertise is in fire so…you'll just have to study books again'**

Naruto got into a meditational position and went inside his mindscape

**IN FRONT OF THE GATES IN NARUTO'S MINDSCAPE**

"so…what?  
you gonna show me with your paws?" he said snickering  
suddenly a red haired man with slited red eyes in a black cloak came into view behind the bars  
"dafuq?"  
**"this is my human form gaki  
how do you think I peeked into womens baths?  
you expect a mountain sized fox to go look at womens bath with a friggin grin on his face?  
OF COURSE NOT!"  
**"okay fine…can we get to training now?"  
**"listen well brat cuzz I'm only gonna say and do it once  
this is the tachikaze…or cutting wind"  
**kyuubi went through a set of handseals before slashing at an imaginary opponent with his claw-like hands and on the pipes appeared what seemed to be wild-animal claw marks  
"shit…so I'm gonna need a sharp weapon or I might have to consider growing claws"  
**"SILENCE FOOL!  
DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY WOMEN THESE CLAWS HA-"**  
Naruto decided to go back to reality and start looking for a weapon instead of listening to him go on and on about his adventures over the years

**BACK IN THE WEAPON SHOP**

"heloo"  
"oh naruto-kun, you're back early…something wrong with the papers?" she asked worried since her dad was away at the moment and she didn't know what to do  
"oh no…its just…I need a weapon and I was kinda hoping you'd help me out"  
"it'd be my pleasure" she said with a grin  
"how about that?" she pointed at a mace twice the size of naruto  
"…something I can carry?"  
"okay…how about this?" she pointed at a kodachi with a black sheath and red swirl markings on it  
'are you fucking kidding me?...its like I'm in a fanfiction and everything's going my way…"  
"PERFECT" he said with a grin that made orochimaru think about a face surgery  
"I'm glad you like it…no one even notices it…they say the swirl marks make it stupid looking"  
and now we have a ready-to-unleash-kyuubi-if-not-for-cute-girl naruto fuming red  
"…I'll take it"  
and like that, gama-chan, his trusty wallet was done for  
"okay…now to get training"  
he went to his personal training field and created about a dozen shadown clones  
three reading wind jutsu from his library book  
six working on the new jutsu with kunais and the last three working on meditation  
"still gonna need to fuse completely"  
**"if i didn't know better...i'd think you want the world gaki"  
**"you don't say..." and he started training with his kodachi to get used to it  
soon enough, with the knowledge from the books and sheer hard work, he learnt how to channel wind chakra through his kodachi and how to throw wind-power enhanced kunais that could tear through a tree but took five seconds for him to concentrate hard enough

Evoila  
finished a part of the training and like I said I shall be detailed and yes I AM going to keep my promise of a friggin harem…guhuhuhu….peace out


	5. Chapter 5

Before I begin, I must thank kazumalteractiver for his review about shadow clones at the end of chapter four  
people, he knows all the basic academy jutsus in and out with kyuubi's help  
the pros and cons of the kage-bunshin are something I want to make out of the true storyline  
and for those who have forgotten, in the forest when he showed iruka his kage-bunshin, he was just trying to act stupid and hide his true power

Now…on with the fifth chapter…we roll:

**YEAR TWO OF TRAINING – NARUTO'S TRAINING FIELD**

"okay…so now I know a few good wind jutsus and know how to use a kodachi but…how should I test myself?  
I'm bored of fighting my own clones all day long"  
**"how about you let me out and I'll-"  
**"no"  
**"fuck this…I dunno…go around the town and beat the shit outta some thugs for all I care"  
**"hmm…"  
**"kid…I was just fucking with you…a demon CAN'T go protecting people…specially not an eight year old"  
**"shit…"  
**"hmm…I think its prime time you went to check on your damsel kid"  
**"who now?"  
imagine a fox facepalming himself  
**"THE HYUUGA YOU IDIOT"**  
"OH…but why would I do that?"  
**"hyuuga are known for their excellent taijutsu…and you need to test your speed and power"  
**"oh…now I see…what happened to keeping this a secret?"  
**"you don't take off the weights"  
**"…fine…"

**IN FRONT OF THE HYUUGA MANSION**

He approached the gate guards warily, expecting death glares, but to his great surprise, one of the guards asked "how may I help you naruto-san?"  
**'shit…maybe its because you saved their future queen?'  
**"err…is hiashi-san here?"  
"just a moment"  
**'not to point out the obvious but…how do you know hiashi hyuuga?'  
**'you told me…oh…crap…if they asked I'll just say he was in a book I studied'  
**'oh the humanity…'  
**"yes uzumaki-san?" said the ever-stern man with what seemed to be a warm voice  
"hello sir" he said bowing  
"I was wondering if you could..umm..help me out in my training?"  
"if its hyuuga tech-"  
"NO" he blurted out surprising the man  
"i..i just want to test my speed and power"  
'damn he must be thinking of suicide' thought the first guard  
'I ain't dragging his ass to the hospital' thought the second guard  
'hmm…interesting' thought hiashi  
hiashi turned to the guards and told them to bring hyuuga neji and his daughter to the dojo  
"follow me uzumaki-san"

**INSIDE THE HYUUGA DOJO**

Naruto followed the formally dressed man into a dojo bigger than his own house and was at a loss for words at how clean it was…unlike his house...  
"you called hiashi-sama?"  
naruto turned around to see a child-version of hiashi with a smaller girl behind him…probably hiding but she glanced at him every now and then which was kinda beginning to bother him  
**'aww…look at how she's looking at you…she's probably thinking of what your babys would look like…guhuhu'  
**'do you ever shut up?'  
"yes neji-san...now…why don't you two meet your training partner for today?"  
"hi, I'm naruto uzumaki" he said with a wide grin  
"hyuuga neji" he said with a slight bow which naruto returned with a bow now knowing what else to do  
"h..hyuuga..hin…hinata" the girl stuttered from behind  
"naruto-san here wanted to test his speed and power and apparently knowing of our clan's specialty in such areas, has decided to see it for himself…why don't you two demonstrate?  
"actually…I was hoping you'd help me out with a spar" he said walking to the middle of the dojo  
"okay…neji-san, you go first  
hinata, sit next to me and try to learn"  
the girl walked to his father's side and whispered in his ear  
"is he…"  
"yes…"  
now hinata was blushing tomato red and decided to hide behind the older man  
"okay…on my mark…ready.." neji took a strange taijutsu stance that kyuubi had explained to naruto already  
"taijutsu only neji….set…" naruto crouched a little ready to rush at the hyuuga fighter  
**'kid…don't forget you have weight on you so don't push it and just def-'  
**"FIGHT"  
with that, the two boys rushed at each other and started trying to hit the opponent and I quote 'hit'  
hiashi was watching with narrowed eyes at how naruto was easily evading neji's blows and was even hitting back!  
even hinata wasn't that good  
'hmm…I guess my-' naruto's thoughts were cut short as kyuubi interrupted  
**'danger kid…if hiashi sees some of our tenketsus are combined he might find out'  
**'ah crap…good while it lasted'  
naruto let neji hit him in the gut with a strong palm blow and was thrown back from the force  
neji was panting and sweating while naruto was just coughing from the blow to the gut  
"thank you for the spar neji-kun" naruto said getting up  
"I must say naruto-san….you were amazing, evading my blows…I also thank you for the spar" he said bowing…and naruto returning it  
"you may both go back to your rooms now…naruto-san…we need to talk"

**WHEN HINATA AND NEJI LEFT – ALONE WITH HIASHI**

"say…naruto-san…what do you think of hinata?"  
naruto was confused at this  
"what do you mean sir?"  
"nevermind…I guess its too early to talk about such things"  
'**naru and hinata  
hiding over trees  
ef you cee kay ai en gee'  
**"if that's all sir then-"  
"thank you" naruto almost had a heart-attack  
'I thought you said hyuugas had the ego the size of a bijuu'  
**'you don't say…'  
**"excuse me?"  
"for being there when my daughter was being taken away…she's all I have that reminds me of her mother…"  
"…you are very welcome sir, I was just doing what any other man would do"  
**'i guess any other man would also kick the kidnapper in the face and ignore the girl's health'  
**"hmm…so young yet you consider yourself a full-grown man…if only this village had a few more people like you…"  
naruto, getting uncomfortable with how the situation was unfolding, got up and bowed to the man before running out of the dojo

**BACK IN THE TRAINING FIELD**

'well…that was useless' he thought to himself lying on the grass  
the wind was caressing his face and the sound of the river was like a lullaby until…  
**'say…why don't we create a training manual of our own?'  
**naruto's eyes snapped open at that  
all the great ninja clans and families had their own special way of training  
'yeah…..fuck….why didn't I think of this'  
after three hours of scribbling and some doodlings of new clothes he was thinking that would suit him in the future…  
**'impressive gaki…training with seals, without seals, with my chakra, without it…..what's tag?'  
**'it means at the end of every training I have to run away from my clones without letting them touch me…if they do…I have to do double the weights and running meters for tomorrow'  
**'damn….well I guess its good…but you'd be dead if it wasn't for my chakra and stamina in you'  
**'ramen-time' he said dashing towards his favorite ramen stand

**MIDNIGHT TIME – ICHIRAKU RAMEN STAND**

****'hope they're open...all the other shops are closed...gawd i'm hungry'  
Naruto was approaching the stand and noticed a group of three men standing in front of it.  
"nice waitress you have there….mind if we have a chat with her alone a little while?" one of the men said laughing  
"OVER MY DEAD BODY" roared teuchi and was going to hit them with a frying pan but was kicked in the gut and crashed into the chairs  
ayame started crying and hugging his father  
"dad…dad are you okay?"  
"r..run ayame"  
"come he-"  
the thugs jaw broke when a fist went flying into it  
'you sure oji-san isn't looking?'  
**'go nuts kid…'  
**the thug grabbed his jaw and screamed In pain, looking at the one who broke it, he saw a blond kid in a black hooded sleeveless shirt and long gray pants  
another thug looked at the man and back at the blond "gaki…you realize you just signed your death treaty right?"  
"fucktard….you realize you just hurt my uncle and nii-chan right?"  
he said with a dangerous edge to his tone  
"GET THE LITTLE FAGGOT"  
the three thugs started running towards naruto but naruto just picked a knife from the counter and did a few handseals before muttering to himself  
"wind style : wind cutter" he slashed towards the first thug and a second later, there was a deep gash in his chest and he fell limp  
the second thug wanted to punch the boy but he simply sidestepped and shoved the knife into his hand and he channeled some wind chakra into the knife, giving it the role of a chainsaw as the man's hand was cut off and he ran for his life  
the last thug which had a broken jaw started crying for mercy and naruto would have killed him too if ayame hadn't held him back  
the thug saw this as his chance and ran away as well  
"I was gonna kill him…..WHY DID YOU SAVE HIM?...HE HURT UNCLE AND WAS GOING TO-"  
"please" she sobbed  
"don't turn into a killer just for us…" she then hugged the younger boy  
"we love you just how you are"  
naruto hugged her back and escorted both of them home

**IN FRONT OF TEUCHI'S HOUSE**

"goodnight naruto-kun….and thanks for saving us" ayame waved and went into the house  
"uncle…no one…and I mean absolutely NO ONE-"  
"don't worry chump…who would believe us anyway?" the older man said and put his hand on his shoulder  
"bowl of pork ramen on the house tomorrow"  
he went inside but could swear naruto's eyes flashed red

**NARUTO'S HOUSE**

'**kid…did you remember to tell him anyone would believe him if he said the kyuubi's container did it?'  
**'awww shut up…it's been a long day for me…and I think this year is gonna be shit with the training program I made for myself…oh yeah….when are you gonna teach me some fire jutsu?'  
**'when our tenketsu are practically one…its easy to use your own chakra but using another source's chakra….whole different shit….so for now just train until you can open up to four chakra gates'  
**naruto sighed to himself thinking of what went today and when he thought of hinata, he couldn't help but blush and when he thought of how ayame had hugged her, his body was giving off smoke….luckily, kyuubi was asleep or he'd never let it go

And that's the second year  
year of speed and power  
I wanted to show some more wind jutsus but I guess I'll just keep them to myself and reveal them when naruto goes all out further in the story

review if you have questions or i went wrong somewhere in the story  
specially grammar fixes are much appreciated since this is my first time and i'm a noob at this  
thanks again and see ya next time


	6. Chapter 6

Apologies in advance for late updating  
it'll be weekly from now on  
you don't need to bother with reviews since I know you freaking love it…well…you should  
if not then why are you still reading this shiznet?  
anywho  
we roll v-v/) :

**THE ICHIRAKU RAMEN STAND**

"phew…that hit the spot…nothing beats a dozen bowls of pork and miso ramen after a hard day's work right old man?" naruto said with a grin that split his face and his stomach big as a 4-month pregnant woman  
"I don't know what we'd do without you naruto" teuchi answered, satisfied that his number one customer praising his work….unlike some tasteless people he could name  
"please come again naru-kun" ayame said cheerfully and kissed the blond on the cheek  
this was STILL not normal for naruto even though this was what normally happened everytime he went to ichiraku  
"err…yeah…my pleasure" he said sheepishly  
**'that didn't even make sense…or do you actually have orgasms from overeating?' **kyuubi said in the back of naruto's mind with a snicker  
"take care" and with that naruto left the stand

**WALKING ALONG THE STREETS OF KONOHA**

'**so kid….i think your speed and power should be at least low-jounin now…what do you wanna do?'  
**'hmm…I dunno…how's the tenketsu thing coming along?'  
**'not quite perfect yet…another year at max should do it…wanna train peeking skills this year?' **kyuubi pleaded with a small hope at the back of his head

**'….silence means yes?'  
**'MOTHA-FUCKIN ASS-RAPING CONDOM-WEARING SHIT NO!'  
**'…so shits…rape ass and wear condoms?...its normal for the rape as they com-'  
**'shut dafuq up man….i just ate you know…A LOT!'  
**'point taken…just don't talk about shit in front of me again because I think I'm scarred for life'**  
naruto was walking through the streets of sunshine, lollypop and ice cold glares carelessly until he reached a flower shop and his attention was caught by the lavenders  
'hmm…'  
**'I like red more…how about roses?...they can at least be useful kid…if you know what I mean…guhuhuhu'  
**naruto entered the flower shop and saw ino, his classmate behind the counter  
"ino?" naruto asked, making the blond girl with her hair tied in a pony tail that reached to her back turn around  
"naruto-baka?  
what are you doing here?" ino said cheerfully, since she didn't see anyone else other then sakura and some other girls in the shop  
"oh…just…my attention was caught by the lavenders and I was wondering if I could buy some and a vase?"  
"wow….i thought you'd be more into roses or sunflowers...since you always wear those colors"  
**'come on…buy some roses too…they go great with lavenders'  
**"ouch…I'm not color-blind you know…"  
"okay…and what kind of vase would you like?"  
"BLACK WITH RED SWIRL MARKS" he shouted enthusiastically  
'and there's good old naruto-baka…I was thinking he had matured a bit…meh'  
"okay…I'll be back in a minute"  
ino left to the back of the store and came back with naruto's desired vase and some lavenders and roses in it  
"…what's with the roses?"  
"oh I just thought it'd be more suiting to the colors…"  
'…black red and purple?...WOMEN !...'  
"well…you're the florist and you know best I guess…"  
**'somehow…I told you so does not suffice right now'  
**naruto paid for the flowers and vase and was about to exit the shop but ino's call made him turn around  
"will you…come buy flowers again?"  
**'kid…..i hate your ass'  
**"…err…sure…how come?"  
"well….boys don't usually come to a flower shop and It gets boring….so can you?"  
"well yeah, I'll be sure to visit sometimes"  
"well then…..goodbye" she said, waving from behind the counter  
"bye" and with that naruto went to his house

**NARUTO'S HOUSE**

Naruto decided to put the flowers next to his window so they could get enough sunlight  
"hmm…"  
**'aww…naruto is growing up…can't decide between the three?...you could always have all three…if you know what I mean…guhuhu'  
**'seals…'  
**'eh?'  
**'teach me about seals this year'  
**'why do you wanna learns about sealing jutsu?'  
**'I read about them in a book…a restricted one'  
**'and?'  
**'I could use it to seal as many weapons as I want…specially my kodachi…I can't wear it around town easily yet..i might even optimize your seal….do you see where I'm going with this?'  
**'optimize my seal how?...this shit you're blurting is hokage level stuff idiot'  
**'will you teach me or not?'  
**'….fucker…just….optimize it so I can have better view okay?...sometimes it gets blurry in the springs and….guhuhuhu…'  
**'tell ya what…we'll go on one right now' naruto thought with a grin  
**'kid…..i love you….not in a gay way…I just…motherfucking wanna hug you to death right now'**

**HOTSPRINGS**

Naruto was using his telescope on a roof nearby the women's bath to peek  
**'guhuhuhu…she's wearing her white kimono today…wait…has they become bigger?'  
**"great taste you have boy"  
with that naruto jumped up and looked at the origin of the voice  
it was an old looking man with spiky white hair and a headband that said frog  
'its jiraya of the toad sanin…'  
**'JIRAYA-SAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA'  
**The old man looked around  
"I swear someone just shouted my name…oh well…so kid…I see you have a great taste in choosing baths and hiding spots…wanna spend the day joining me in my adventures?" he said with a wide grin  
**'naruto…please…I'll do whatever you want…please…pleas-'  
**'guhuhuhu…'  
**'….'**  
"sure…why not…it'd be my honor to have the toad sanin and the writer of my favorite series…THE ICHA-ICHA…take me on an adventure through heaven"  
"kid…if you weren't so young…I'd take you as my apprentice and make you my legacy…but for now…we move!"

**FIVE HOURS LATER – EVENING – NEAR SOME WATERFALL**

Jiraya was giggling to himself and taking notes while peeking at women from behind the bushes and naruto was kinda getting bored  
"…lets have a spar old-man…"  
jiraya immediately stopped scribbling  
"today…before you called me the writer of icha-icha….you called me jiraya…which means you know who I am…and still wanna spar?"  
"not to death man…just testing myself"  
"okay"  
jiraya got up and put away his note and telescope  
"tell ya what…since I'm gonna be your sensei one day, why don't you take the first hit?"  
**'kid….what dafuq?'  
**'he taught dad, the yondaime how to seal…I'm sure he could teach me somethings about your seal too'  
**'…then what are you waiting for?'  
**naruto took off his weight seal papers and put them in his pocket carefully  
"oh…weight papers?...don't tell me you're some super strong gak-"  
his rant was cut short when naruto dashed to his side and kneed him in the guts  
'fuckah…that was at least low jounin if not full…what have you been doing as training?  
shit…sorry minato but I'm gonna have to knock your son's ego down a pebble or two'  
the two got into a heated taijutsu combat with none giving out  
jiraya jumped back and did some handseals  
"taijutsu was never my best skill….FIRESTYLE : FIREBALL JUTSU"  
'fuck…fire?...where's my kodachi when I need it?'  
naruto barely avoided the fireball and dashed toward the sanin  
midway he made some handseals and silently muttered to himself  
"fox wind style : crushing wind piercer"  
naruto concentrated wind chakra into his right arm and put his open palm on the sanin's chest and with his best wind jutsu and sent him flying in a hurricane of cutting blades engulfing him  
"motherfuc-" jiraya crashed through four trees before coming to a stop  
'what the fuck?...is he a jounin in disguise?...and what was that jutsu?'  
"I quit"  
"HUH?"  
"it's a spar not a battle to death…say….can you train me in the art of sealing?"  
'does he know about the kyuubi?...does he want to release it already?'  
"I just wanna seal weapons into it….if I had my kodachi right now you'd be mince-meat but…oh well"  
naruto put his seals back on and felt the heaviness return  
"fine…"  
'I knew it….you owe too much to my dad to refuse his only son….my darling GODFATHER'  
naruto unconsciencely gripped his hand into a fist  
"I'm gonna go home now…see ya tomorrow at the myuu-zaki hotsprings"  
he left a pondering hermit to himself….which ended his pondering after hearing women giggle  
"gihihihi…wait…how did they not hear our battle?...oh well….hihihi"

**NARUTO'S HOUSE**

Naruto came out of the shower, his small muscles covered by a little baby-fat shining under the moon as he looked out his window  
he smelled the lavender and roses before giving them water and cleaning them a bit  
**'looks like you have a green thumb gaki'  
**'…'  
**'something on your mind'  
**'my godfather…did he forget me just because of his researches?'  
**'…'  
**'whatever…he's gonna pay me back by teaching me about seals….'  
with that, naruto went to sleep thinking of his morning's running and jutsu training routines

here ya go  
hope you enjoyed  
i'll be quick in uploading some more as soon as i can


	7. Chapter 7

Without further ado  
chapter seven beloved readers !  
we roll v-v/) :

* * *

**MIDDLE OF SEALS TRAINING YEAR - WEAPON SHOP**

"ten-chan" naruto said entering the shop to find his dear friend sobbing behind the counter  
"ten-chan?...what's wrong?"  
tenten raised her head and naruto gasped at what he saw  
she had a bruised forehead and her left eye was purple due to someone hitting it  
"na..naruto-kun…" she wiped her tears and tried to smile  
naruto just looked down  
"who did this?"  
"don't mind it naruto-kun…its okay now…I just fell down our stairs…"  
"I asked a question…I expect an answer…" naruto said still looking down with his fist gripping  
"m..my dad"  
**'hmm…its what you feared'  
**"its because of me isn't it…."  
tenten just looked away  
"he says you're just trouble….but…I don't know….why?...you seem like a nice boy…what's so bad that he'd have to hurt me for not talking to you agai-"  
said man waltzed into the shop suddenly and glared at the boy  
"tenten…what did I tell you?"  
tenten's eyes started to pool water  
**'…lets just leave'  
**"old man…this is the last time I'm coming here…on one condition…please don't hurt her again"  
naruto went for the door but a kunai pierced him in the shoulder  
he knew it was tenten's dad but decided to leave before losing control  
"DAD" tenten cried and wanted to jump over the counter to help naruto but naruto turned to her and motioned her to stop with his uninjured hand  
"its okay…he has every right to do so…"  
"what do you mean he has the right to?...you're just a kid-"  
"tenten…in your room…..NOW"  
tenten ran to the back of the store crying when naruto nodded to her  
"brat…you will not ruin my daughter's life with your curse…now…LEAVE"  
"I will…just promise that if I don't come back again…you wouldn't hurt her"  
the old man's eyes started to get wet  
"she's my own daughter you monster…do you know how it pierced my heart to hear her say she wanted to see you again?...how it hurt when I beat her so she wouldn't talk to you again?...I'M A FATHER GODDAMN YOU"  
"…goodbye sir"  
with that naruto left the store

**SOME RANDOM PART IN A FARAWAY FOREST**

Naruto was trying to concentrate his chakra control on the water but he just couldn't forget what the man said  
'how it pierced my heart to hear her say she wanted to see you again?'  
'…concentrate…'  
'how it hurt when I beat her'  
'…**con**centrate…'  
**'…gaki…you're losing it…'  
**'GODDAMN YOU'  
'…con**centrate…'  
**red chakra began to emanate from naruto's body and the water started to ripple  
**'BRAT WAKE UP'  
**naruto opened his eyes to see his demonic reflection on the water  
long claw like fingers and elongated fangs with spikier then usual hair and deeper whisker marks  
'shit….'  
**'c'mon gaki…you'll meet her in the academy again right?...stop beating yourself over it'  
**'…whatever…'  
naruto calmed down after a few minutes and a dive under the cold water and his usual features returned  
he came out of the water and after lying on the grass until he was dry, he took out a scroll and unsealed his kodachi, trying to pump more then the usual wind chakra into it  
**'…you're gonna break it kid…'  
**'…I will if you ruin my concentration'  
**'and when you do…you'll have lost her last memento'  
**with that said, naruto stopped concentrating and re-sealed the much loved short sword and headed home  
**'no training today?'  
**'…'

**YAMANAKA FLOWER SHOP**

Naruto entered the store to see ino cleaning the windows  
**'ah shit…I was hoping you'd have an orgy one day…'**  
"ino-san"  
ino turned around to see naruto clothed in black attire. Black jacket, black pants, even black sandals!  
"naruto-kun?" ino was taken back a bit by the _san_ suffix  
"listen to your parents and cut all connection with me…school, street, anywhere…pretend we've never met"  
"how did you know?...more importantly…why?" ino asked with a sad tone  
she had grown attached to how naruto came to ask her for tips on how to take care of flowers and it would be boring without him around for her  
"goodbye" with that said, he left a sad and on the verge of crying ino to herself  
"..sob…baka naruto..sob…"

**NARUTO'S HOUSE'S ROOFTOP**

'…**.aren't we a heartbreaker…'**  
'suddup…'  
**'…I'm sorry…if it wasn't for m-'**  
' I said shut up…its not your fault you have so many haters…you were controlled…neither is it my fault for getting chosen as the vessel…my dad was the yondaime and he'd hate to put this burden on anyone other then his son'  
**'…damn…ever told you how proud I get of you sometimes?'  
**'….sigh….i'm gonna go for a run…'  
**'..well…I'mma sleep a little..'  
**naruto closed his eyes and concentrated a little  
suddenly, seals appeared out of nowhere on his arms and legs and head and just as quickly as they appeared, they went away  
'gotta thank ero-sennin for these seals…those papers were getting annoying'  
with that he took a leap from the rooftop and disappeared into the night

**NEXT DAY – ACADEMY**

Naruto entered his classroom in his usual baggy-orange attire with a pair of goggles that made him say _'kill me I'm here you colorblind shinobi'_  
he took his seat and noticed ino had taken his word and was ignoring him  
he also went looking for tenten during recess and found her hanging out with two boys, neji and a weird kid with a bowl haircut and bushy brows  
**'satisfied?'  
**'…quite…'  
**'weren't you gonna tell ayame as well…or hinata?'  
**'…meh…doesn't matter even if she knows….nothing will change…and hinata…she doesn't even approach me so no problem**'  
'….well…I have some good news…'  
**'what?'  
**'the tenketsu are combined enough for you to freely use my chakra if you can handle it'  
**'finally…we'll start immediately'  
**'and jiraya-sama?'  
**'we'll train the fire jutsu during weekends man…no need to rush it'

**FLASHBACK END…FOR NOW**

"so….everyone knew about this but me?" sarutobi said with a hint of anger  
"what?...you're knowing the full story now so be grateful I'm skipping my training, talking here"  
"WHY YOU LITTLE-"  
"FLASHBACK RECOVERY NO JUTSU"

**FLASHBACK CONTINUE…DUE TO USER'S FORCE OF COMMAND**

Naruto's day went through its usual routine afterwards  
failing at everything  
sleeping through class with shikamaru  
exchanging snacks with chouji  
playing catch with kiba  
trying to annoy sasuke…which he failed at  
he hated this guy the most  
everything seemed to go right for the last of uchiha while his life…the son of the fourth was in utter SHIT  
he didn't show it but he really hated this guy and wanted to excel a few times but decided against it and guarded his secret

**WEEKEND**

"okay naruto, don't forget to train your sealing power by trying to seal bigger things and don't forget to train pumping more chakra into rasengan…and naruto…..knowledge is power" jiraya said, trying to look like a real sage  
"define knowledge" naruto asked, packing his scrolls which he used to train  
"knowledge….well….err…"  
"define women"  
"CREATURES OF UTTER STUPIDITY AND BEAUTY MOTHAFUCKAH" he said with vigor  
he had picked the catchphrase after naruto used it a few times, when he failed at a jutsu  
"…I hope you see the error of your ways one day"  
"its been 40 years and I haven't seen anything other then women's as-"  
naruto shunshined out of there, eager to learn firestyle

**HIS USUAL TRAINING FIELD**

Naruto appeared in the training field and unsealed a few firestyle books he had kept to himself for this day  
he looked over the fireball jutsu and decided to begin from here  
'okay…lets do this'  
**'try drawing my chakra into your lungs and as its about to come out of your mouth, try commanding the chakra to ignite'  
**naruto did as was told and was blown away from the sheer force of the fire pressure coming out of his mouth  
it created a fireball that could easily consume the hokage tower  
**'gaki…my chakra is a bit too dense it seems…try putting some of your chakra in it…and since wind fuels fire, try to balance it and don't go destroying the place okay?'  
**'this'll take some times'

**FLASHBACK END…FOR REAL**

"and from then until recently, I've been training my ass off"  
"I see…actually I don't.  
why do you wanna keep it a secret?"  
naruto looked at the ceiling for a few moments  
"say…if a fresh-out-of-they-academy vessel suddenly turned out to be stronger then a jounin…wouldn't they say I'm being controlled?...this village is too stupid for comfort and you know it….well…you freaking should since this village even has a fucking civilian council…I mean what the fuck man?  
shouldn't you be controlling them and not vice versa?"  
"sigh….its complicated naruto"  
"no its fucking not  
you should just read more  
the nidaime said that if the civilian council disagrees on the hokage's idea and if the hokage insists and they do not give in, they will have to challenge the hokage and defeat him fair and square"  
sarutobi's eyes turned as big as odama rasengan  
"that's restricted knowledge…how do you know?"  
"are you fucking kidding me?  
the library of course"  
sarutobi made a mental note to self to increase security in the library  
"tell ya what…I'll do you a favor if you tell kakashi to accept me without tomorrow's so called _teamwork_ test"  
"how do you…"  
"I read about what his dad did and what he believed in afterwards…simple psychology"  
"okay….and my favor?"  
"I know you can't use kage bunshin due to your age and how it drains a normal humans chakra too much…so try giving the paperwork to the civilian and just look over the military or politic papers"  
sarutobi banged his head on the table hard enough to make a crack  
"thank you…thank you so much naruto…consider tomorrow's test passed my dearest grandson"  
"okay….see ya later" and naruto shunshined a sobbing in happiness sarutobi to himself….which stopped when he remembered he was reading icha-icha

**NEXT DAY – WHERE SAKURA AND SASUKE WERE TO HAVE THEIR TESTS**

Naruto sat on a tree branch, eating his second bowl of quick-ramen when kakashi appeared next to him  
"hello naruto" he said with a smile at his favorite student  
"yo….aren't you late?  
they've been waiting since early morning…its 11 AM now"  
"oh I was just lost on the road of life"  
"well…did the kage tell you?"  
"yes…and its strange how yo-"  
"cut the crap man…I have a gift since you were kind enough to let me pass"  
naruto took out an autographed icha-icha book, with brass title  
kakashi almost had a seizure  
"th…the original…uncut…uncensored icha-icha volume three"  
'thanks jiraya…wait…scratch that  
you molested my naruko-clone for this'  
he gave the book to kakashi and kakashi kissed the back of his hand before taking it  
"god bless you….GODFATHER"  
"well…you come to me on my test day and offer me a free pass…what kind of a…FUCK THIS JUST GO ALREADY AND GIVE ME A SHOW MAN!" naruto shouted, hating himself for playing a dialogue of his favorite movie, the NINJA-FATHER  
(author's note : I hit my forehead so hard when I wrote _ninja-father _it still hurts)  
with that, kakashi went to the training field and naruto watched in delight as how they failed to get the single bell  
'what a bunch of idiots…just work together a bit and show him you can work with each other in dire situations'  
**'or we could go see kaori-tama today….its Saturday you know'  
**naruto pumped kyuubi's chakra into his feet and destroyed the branch from the force of shunshin  
'curse you jiraya…your pervertedness is rubbing off on me'

**HOTSPRINGS COUNTRY**

"ACHOO"  
"EEEEEEEEK  
SOMEONE'S PEEKING ON US"  
the origin of the sneeze disappeared in a shunshin and cursed the one talking behind his back in a temple  
"….and please do your best to curse him after you recurse the mothafucka talking behind my back Buddha-sama"

* * *

And chapter seven comes to a close  
I'm gonna have naruto show off a little of his arsenal in the road to wave next time so look forward to it  
PEACE OUT dv-vb


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter eight  
oh and if you're reading this for a harem…then I suggest you go read stormarrow's stories  
his stories make you wish they made hentai like that…well…they do on some occasions but…nevermind  
what I'm saying is I'm gonna build-up the story for now…but it'll come…not as soon as "next chapter" but when it does….AWWW YEAAAAH !...wonder how I'll concentrate with the hard-on I'll be having…  
we roll v-v/) :

* * *

**TWO DAYS AFTER SASUKE, SAKURA…AND NARUTO PASSED KAKASHI'S TEST**

Sasuke and sakura were waiting in training field seven for their sensei to pick them up until they noticed naruto  
sasuke ignored it but sakura couldn't and shouted "WHERE WERE YOU FOR THE TEST YOU BAKA"  
"fuck….hey sasuke…" he patted his ears "are my ears bleeding?"  
sasuke snickered and looked away "not yet"  
"I'M TALKING TO YOU MORON" she shouted all the angrier for making fun of her in front of his dear sasuke  
"relax sakura…he gave me an even harder test to pass"  
**'mmm…kaori-tama…'  
**'mmm….she was washing myuu-tama's back…' the demon pair thought in bliss  
"yo"  
"YOU'RE LATE" naruto and sakura shouted  
"….wait what?..you just got here yourself, WHY ARE YOU SHOUTING THAT?" sakura asked….screamed at naruto  
"what?...i didn't wanna feel left out" he said with a grin  
"ready for today's mission?" kakashi asked with a smile  
"HELL YEAH" guess who screamed that  
and out of the corner of naruto's ear, a small drop of blood was about to fall…

**A WEEK OF D-RANKED MISSIONS**

"MOTHAFUCKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
HOW DARE YOU GIVE THE FUTURE HOKAGE D-RANK MISSIONS AGAIN?" naruto screamed in anger  
"naruto, you're in the presence of the hokage show some respect" iruka yelled at the whisker-marked boy  
"hmph" said sasuke with anger…if that was possible  
"I agree with him hokage-sama" said the pinkette  
"really sakura-chan?" naruto said with a sarcasm which no one noticed…also called acting!  
"NO…I meant I agree with sasuke" she said with finality  
"kakashi…looks like your team is eager to advance…very well…I'll give you a c-ranked escort mission to the land of waves…please call over iruka"  
"yes hokage-sama"  
'maybe it'll be a prince' thought sakura  
'…the daimyo?' thought sasuke  
'hmm…I wonder if roro will reach miki in time…hihihihi' thought the one eyed pervert  
'me and women got telekinesis  
**I just look and they go  
**look and they move  
**look and they shake  
**look at them features  
**beautiful creatures  
**_**and make love to them in beautiful hotsprings!' **_ the demon pair sang in unison  
and that's when a drunk old man entered  
'aww…'thought everyone but naruto and kakashi  
'ready to be hokage but hokage ain't ready for me….wait…what dafuq is that drunk creature?'  
'wait…icha-icha won't be here for another month!...FUCKAAAA'  
"I paid good money and all you give me is a Cyclops and three kids?"  
"I assure you sir…they're the best we have for now" sarutobi said with a hint of truth  
the old man snickered when he looked at naruto  
"want some candy little boy?"  
**'…..err….'  
**'…don't….'  
**'...FLAME AND WIND COMBO : FIRESTORM ODAMA RASENGAN!'  
**'…..and the reason you named my best and unmastered jutsu is?...'  
**'..he's worth it?'  
**everyone was looking at naruto, expecting a reaction but naruto was just arguing with the kyuubi  
kakashi decided to finish this before naruto killed the client  
"be ready in two hours by the konoha gates see ya" and with that he shunshined

**DURING THOSE TWO HOURS – FIRST HOUR**

'**kid…seriously…go see a doctor…how can you chomp down-'  
**"thanks for the twelve bowls oji-san  
I won't be able to eat this stuff until I get back"  
"you're welcome boy" teuchi said feeling satisfied that his cooking skill filled another customer's belly  
"back?...where are you going naruto-kun?" ayame asked worried  
"just an escort mission to the land of wave"  
"be safe okay?" and ayame pulled naruto into a tight hug over the counter  
**'you still got it…'  
**"umm…thanks ayame-chan" naruto returned the hug a little and ayame was going to kiss him too but he just ran…pathetic in the author's arrogant opinion

**THE NEXT HALF HOUR**

Naruto went to the weapon shop with a short sword strapped to his back  
he looked through the window and watched a lonely tenten, polishing a staff…(author's note : am I the only one who thought that was weird?)  
he entered the shop and just like a PMS, tenten's face shifted from frown to a grin  
"naruto-kun" she went around the counter and hugged him  
**'…kid…I hate your ass…a lot….'**  
"its good to see you too ten-chan" but naruto knew better he didn't have much time  
"here" he handed over the short sword  
"naruto…this isn't.."  
"keep it as a memento from me…and maybe one day, we'll spar with it too…but…why I'm really here is…I'm going on a mission to wave and won't be back for a while so…"  
without anything said, tenten hugged the boy tightly and kissed his cheek  
"good luck naruto-kun…I know you can do it" she said cheerfully  
"eh…huh?...err…yeah" he said, red as a tomato and just walked out of the store  
"…o my god…OMY GOD WHAT DID I JUST DO?" tenten gasped and turned bright red  
then he noticed the kodachi has naruto's scent on it…she slapped her face and went behind the counter and started polishing the short sword

**THE LAST HALF HOUR**

Naruto went to the yamanaka flower shop and just walked in there since the parents were either on missions or too lazy to do shit themselves  
he sneaked up on the blond, watering the flowers and put his hands on her eyes  
"guess wh-" and he was cut short by a kick being impaled into his chest  
he broke down coughing and after ino turned around to see who it was, she gasped  
"naruto-kun!"  
"cough…wait…kun?"  
BONK…was the answer he received for seemingly no reason  
"ouch…okay…fine"  
he got up and gave her a pair of keys  
"umm…what is this?"  
"er…I was going on a mission to wave so I was hoping you could go to my house on your free time and watch out for the flowers…there's also ramen in the fridge and the house is pretty clean so you can do whatever you want there"  
**'..sigh…that's just cliché…it even said so on the tip section of icha-icha…she can't be that dumb…she'll just say I'm not your bitch so clean your own shit and kick you out'  
**"o..okay…if its fine with you" she said, her cheeks slightly pink  
'…kyuubi….YOU GOTTA ROCK TO THE RHYTHM WITH'EM, GOT TO GIVE IT TO'EM'  
**'SHUT UP…I will rape you one day I swear'  
**"thanks ino-chan  
knew I could count on you"  
she hugged the girl and ran out the door  
after a few moments when her brain processed a few things she thought to herself  
'wow…he always wore those baggy clothes so I never knew he was so…buff…' and her orgasmic thinking came to an end when sakura came in  
"hey ino  
I'm finally going on a serious mission and its to wave….ino…OI PIG!"  
no response…she was back in her world  
'his house…I wonder if his bed will smell like him too…'

**THE NORMAL, TALL, BIG AND PATHETICLY PAINTED KONOHA GATES**

Naruto arrived to see everyone waiting, each with a backpack  
'oh..shit…they can't know I can seal stuff whenever I want!'  
"ohayo naruto…no backpack?" asked kakashi  
"its an escort mission not a life and death trip….or is it?" he said looking at the camera  
tazuna had a sweatdrop at that…for some unknown reason no one knows  
"okay…guess you'll be hunting your food huh?"

**TWO HOURS OF WALKING TOWARD THE LAND OF WAVES, A COMPLETELY NORMAL ROAD**

The group was walking in the road with naruto in front, sasuke and sakura next to tazuna's sides and kakashi in the back  
naruto noticed a puddle in the middle of the road, on a perfectly sunny day with no rivers or lakes around…but decided to ignore it  
half a mile further, kakashi was suddenly turned to a gooey stain on the ground as two barbed iron chains minced him completely  
"kakashi-sensei !" screamed sakura  
"give us the bridge builder and no one dies….painfully" a mysterious figure in the trees said  
"what he said" said the second figure  
naruto facepalmed…loud enough that it echoed in the trees  
"YOU MAKE FUN OF THE MIST'S DEMON TWINS" they said in unison and rushed at the group with their iron clawed gloves  
sasuke threw a kunai and a shuriken at the chain wire flying loosely behind the two and pinned them to a tree before kicking one of them in the back of the head, rendering him unconscious  
the other one broke the chain loose from his glove and flew at the bridge builder  
naruto was getting ready to impale him with a charged kunai but kakashi made it in time and he held back….yet again  
"took ya long enough…" naruto muttered  
"yaaay good job sasuke-kun" screamed sakura  
"well done sasuke  
and good job standing there sakura" sakura's head fell down in shame…for a second  
"and naruto…"  
"what?"  
"try to pitch in next time" he said with a smile  
"oh I was just mesmerized by the sunlight and wondered why sky is blue…sorry"  
'I like him more by the seconds…' was the thought on kakashi's mind  
kakashi turned to tazuna  
"tazuna-san…I think we need to talk"

**A FEW MINUTES AFTER THE MISSION TURNED INTO AN A-RANKED MISSION ESCORT AND EVERYONE IGNORED THE DANGERS AND WENT ALONG WITH IT…**

The group was walking through the misty forests with nothing interesting happening until naruto threw a kunai toward a bush  
"NARUTO-BAKAAAAA" the loudmouth screamed  
"what do you think you're doing?"  
"oh…I just felt a rustle there so I was wondering what it was"  
a white bunny stumbled out of the bushes…and it seemed to be crying  
"YOU IDIOT" she said, running to hug the bunny  
"oh well…guess that's my dinner" naruto said with an evil grin  
sakura got up and punched the boy into a tree  
"OH NO YOU WON'T"  
naruto got up with a bloody nose and an even bloodier mouth  
"so…you'll share your food with me?" he said spitting the blood out  
"HELL NO"  
"THEN WHAT DAFUQ AM I SUPP-" his argument was cut short when he heard a slight woosh  
"GET DOWN" naruto and kakashi said in unison shouts  
everyone fell on the ground a second before a giant broadsword cleaved where their heads would be  
'hmm?...he noticed too?' thought kakashi glancing at the blond  
'how did he know?...even I didn't notice…' thought sasuke with slight anger  
'that was close' tazuna and sakura's thoughts  
'crap…why is it that I never seem to have my kodachi when I need it?...shit…'  
**'oi kid…I sense two people….what should we do?'**  
"not bad kid…if you had noticed it a bit later, you wouldn't be breathing" said a mysterious figure on the sword which was now stuck deeply in a tree  
"zabuza momochi…demon of the mist" kakashi said glaring at the figure  
"oh…quite the honor for the copy-nin of konoha to know my name…I'm honored"  
'man this is getting boring…too bad we can't go after the second one…is it a boy or a girl?'  
naruto heard kyuubi growling in the back of his head in concentration…suddenly he took a loud whiff of the air and roared in excitement  
**'SHE IS A MOTHAFUCKIN VIRGIN !'  
**"YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH" naruto shouted in excitement, making everyone look at him  
'oh crap…'  
"FINALLY I'LL HAVE A CHANCE TO PROVE MY STRENGTH" he said running toward the man but kakashi's hand stopped him  
"you three guard the bridge builder, I'll handle him…he's out of your league" kakashi said releasing his chakra so the mist would disappear  
everyone but naruto who faked it suddenly began choking for air  
'what's happening?' thought the heroine of the trio  
'such power…I can hardly breathe' thought sasuke  
'not bad…really wish I could take off my chakra and weight seals and test myself….oh well….what should we sing kura?'  
**'dealer's choice'**

[canon shot to the point where kakashi is stuck in water prison]

"EVERYONE RUN" kakashi shouted in the sphere of water he was trapped in  
"we're a team kakashi-sensei" shouted the pinkette  
"…run" naruto said looking zabuza dead in the eye  
"what?" asked sakura with disbelief  
"dobe…what do you think you're doing?"  
"I SAID GO ALREADY…I have a plan and if you guys are here, you'll ruin it if the second ninja hiding in the trees catches you  
zabuza stiffened a little  
"gaki…how did you know?"  
"…I SAID GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE" naruto shouted at the top of his lungs  
"listen to him and protect the client…that's our priority" said kakashi, deciding to believe in his pupil  
"okay…better get back soon or we're finishing dinner without ya" tazuna said leading the way….more like running off  
"be safe kakashi-sensei" said sakura  
"don't mess up dobe"  
naruto waited until he couldn't sensei their chakra anymore, and closed his eyes  
zabuza waited for him to…well…do something but he just stood there  
his eyes suddenly snapped open and looked at zabuza again  
"BEHOLD MOTHAFUCKA!  
THE GREATEST NINJA TO EVER WALK THE EARTH AND YOU'LL BE HIS FIRST KILL SO BE MOTHAFUCKIN PROOOUUUUD" naruto shouted in a weird pose similar to his pervy sensei  
'DOOOOOM" thought kakashi taking out his orange book  
"gasp" zabuza's respond  
"you read it too?"  
kakashi looked at the demon with disbelief  
"uh…hello?  
I just made a mothafuckin attempt to look cool you know"  
"I'm so sorry I have to kill you my sworn brother in book" zabuza said almost crying  
kakashi looked down  
"me too…I'll never know if roro will reach miki…"  
"FUCK YOU BOTH MOTHAFUCKAAAAAAAAAAAS" naruto said concentrating  
seals appeared all over his body, some blue and some green  
when the seals disappeared, the mist around naruto evaporated from the sheer force  
'what the fu-' zabuza's train of thought was cut short by a knee to the chin  
"yeaaah mothafucka"  
kakashi was now free of his water cage  
"get back kakashi….you're gonna have chakra exhaustion if you fight any longer"  
"good point…you have some explaining to do when you get back though" he said going after his pupils and client when naruto motioned for him to move  
"gaki…you're not normal are ya?" zabuza said rubbing his chin and the bandages around his face seemed bloody  
naruto's eyes snapped open and stared at him like he was crazy  
"HOW DID YOU KNOW?"  
"make fun of the demon of mist huh?...i'll show you" with that said he started making some handseals  
'ready to stretch your legs kura?'  
**'guhuhuhu…lets do this'  
**naruto summoned demonic chakra and put his hands in his infamous cross sign  
"SHADOW CLONE JUTSU"  
a clone similar to naruto appeared next to him, only with more demonic attires such as red eyes and fangs and claws  
**"should thank the forbidden scroll for this later" **kyuubi said stretching his muscles  
"hehehe" naruto snickered at zabuza's expression  
"time for you.."  
**"to see…"  
**_**"a real demon MOTHAFUCKAAAAA" **_the demons said dashing at him  
'he can fucking waterwalk?...a genin?'  
he finally put finishing touches on his handseals and put his hands on the surface of the lake  
"WATER STYLE : GREAT WATER DRAGON JUTSU"  
a giant dragon rose out of the lake the size of a two story house and sped towards the pair  
"chew on this" naruto said jumping toward the head of the great beast  
"FOX STYLE : FIRE ROCKET" naruto concentrated wind chakra into his hand mixed with demonic chakra and threw it at incredible speed toward the dragon  
the ball ignited as it left his palm and pierced through the dragon, evaporating it  
'HOW THE FUCK DID HE BEAT WATER WITH FIRE?'  
**"don't forget about me" **kurama said, hovering above the mist demon  
**"FIRE ROCKET" **an even greater fire ball rocketed towards the jounin  
'shit'  
if it wasn't for three layers of thick ice appearing over zabuza, he would be turned into ashes by now  
"haku…" zabuza growled at the masked nin appearing next to him  
the pair suddenly kneed In front of the newly appeared ninja  
"what the?..." zabuza asked  
the ninja just took a step back and pointed senbons at the two  
**"please…"  
**"please…"  
_**"join us"**_ they said in unison and almost got cleaved in two by a swing of zabuza's sword  
"THIS ISN'T A JOKE THIS IS A BATTLEFIELD"  
"shut up…she is what we've been looking for…"  
**"a virgin from another country…and the books only say good of women from the mist"  
**"I'M NEVER GIVING HER TO YOU IDIOTS" zabuza said, grabbing the nin whose neck seemed to be red as roses and fled  
"nyuuuuuu" naruto said falling and crying  
**"our offer still stands" **kurama screaming and crying hard as balls  
"I want her I want her I want her" naruto said still crying  
**"its okay bro…we'll just drag their asses to konoha" **kyuubi said wiping his tears  
"sniff…well…better get going" naruto said dispelling the clone, thus having kurama back into his seal and walked to the clients house was.

* * *

end of chapter eight  
all will be explained like why they cried their asses off when they meet again  
i also tried my best not to _cliffhang_ all of you so be gratefull and do a freddy mercury when you feel like it  
peace out 3


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter nine  
big thanks to the reviewers for giving me spirit to make you laugh more  
we roll v-v/) :

**TAZUNA'S HOUSE – AN HOUR AFTER TEAM SEVEN MINUS NARUTO REACHED IT**

"WUZZUUUU"  
**'WUZZUUUU'  
**_"WUZUUUUUUUP?"__**  
**_**'DID I JUST HEAR A FUCKING SQUIRREL ANSWER US?' **kyuubi shouted in disbelief  
**'mother of god…'**  
BONK…you know it!  
naruto was greeted with a forceful punch to the face by sakura  
"WHERE WERE YOU, YOU IDIOT"? she asked angry for god-knows-whatever-reason  
'…I was out there risking my ass for you nimruds…'  
**'don't mind her kid…'  
**"oh a black cat entered the battle field so we decided to postpone it for later" naruto said scratching the back of his head  
"hmph" sasuke said, probably welcoming him back  
'how did he even survive…he couldn't have outrun him…and he doesn't even have a scratch on him…naruto…I'll figure you out yet…' sasuke thought to himself with despise  
"ohayo naruto-kun  
good to have you back" kakashi said with a (seemingly) grin even though he was covered in bandages and his foot was in a cast  
"its good to be back sensei...i see you won't be able to read for a while huh?"  
then he saw a woman washing dishes in the back, tazuna sitting on a chair drinking as usual and a kid sitting on the stairs and glaring daggers into him  
"so what's for dinner?" he said with a grin

**DINNER TIME**

Everyone was eating their foods, along with some chit-chats here and there, mainly between naruto and kakashi, discussing what will happen next in icha-icha until the kid, who was called inari got up and screamed  
"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING LAUGHING HERE?  
YOU'RE ALL GONNA DIE SO JUST GO HOME ALREADY"  
naruto got pissed at this but decided to hold back for now  
"INARI, don't be rude to the guests" the mother, named tsunami said angrily at the boy  
"why?...they're all gonna try to be heroes and end up like dad…"  
"**SO WHAT?"** naruto said as loud and rough as he could making everyone shudder  
"narutooo" sakura growled in annoyance and with danger  
"AT LEAST WE'RE DOING SOMETHING AND NOT SITTING ON OUR ASSES CRYING LIKE A BITCH"  
inari started sniffling at that  
"that's right…go ahead and cry…I'm going for a walk" he said going outside  
inari ran to his room crying  
"I'll take care of him" kakashi said before going up to inari's room…which proved to be more painful then he thought with a cast on his leg, going up the stairs  
he tried explaining to him what naruto's past was like to make him understand

**A FEW DAYS LATER – RANDOM PART OF FOREST**

"today we'll be climbing trees as training everyone" kakashi said with a smile  
"…" and the three glared at the Cyclops  
"yes…let me demonstrate"  
and with that said, he started walking up a tree without his hands  
"hmph"  
"wow"  
"me three" naruto said with sarcasm no one noticed….YOU KNOW IT !  
"your turn"  
sakura went up all the way in one go  
"looks like someone has control over her chakra"  
'maybe he'll like me more now' author respectively facepalmed  
sasuke went up ¼ of the way before jumping back  
'I see…too much and it'll crush my step and too little and I'll slip…' sasuke thought to himself

"…."  
everyone was watching naruto and naruto was watching the tree  
"LETS DO THIS MOTHAFUCKAAAAAA" he shouted running up the tree…all the way…which surprised everyone  
"HOW?" sasuke shouted  
"naruto…you can't use a wire…its cheating" kakashi said with his head down, rubbing his eyes  
"awww…" naruto jumped down and cut a wire he had attached to himself  
"follow me…punishment shall be swift and with style" kakashi said disappearing  
"bleh" sakura showed him her tongue  
"sorry but I'm not a fan of French kisses…unless you French my little buddy" naruto said snickering  
"and teme…you crushed your step man  
what dafuq?  
you mad bro?"  
sasuke stiffened at that  
'you weren't really wearing a wire…were you?...'

**WITH KAKASHI AND NARUTO**

"whaddya want?"  
"explain to me how you survived an A-rank nuke-nin" kakashi said appearing above him on a branch  
"I see no reason to explain…ask oji-san…if he tells ya then lucky you…if you don't have anything else I'm gonn-"  
"I want you to train sasuke"  
naruto stiffened like a rock  
"what was **that?**" naruto asked fuming  
"I saw you fight with zabuza…and I want you to train sasuke to be just as strong...also….the council has asked me to specifically concentrate on his training…I need you to help me train him"  
"sure"  
"really?"  
"NO" naruto said and shunshined out of there  
'hoo boy…gonna be hard training the arrogant last uchiha on my own'

**SOME FARAWAY PLACE**

Naruto lied on the grass trying to cool off but he was still shaking with anger  
'…this is so unfair…'  
**'…'**  
'just because he's the last of uchiha and they suck his dick for his sharingan…fuck…he can't even activate it'  
'**c'mon kid don't compare yourself to that shit'  
**'I'm the last namikaze…I'm the son of a hero…my mother's family were gods of sealing…I'm way better than him but what do I get?...i don't get allowed in shops, get sold past expiration date foods…the best clothes I ever got were those baggy orange clothes…I had to freaking hange so I could get normal clothes'  
tears started rolling down his face  
he wiped his face  
he got up and turned around to see a girl with long black hair, pale white skin and a sleeveless kimono walking toward him  
"gasp…virgin-chan…you came to me at last" he said beginning to cry again and was welcomed by a punch to the face  
"HOW DID YOU KNOW AND WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING ME THAT?" she asked enraged and senbons ready  
naruto got up wiping his face  
"I smelled you of course…your virginity…I want it…I must FEED on it" he said crawling towards her  
"nah I'm just fucking with ya" he said getting up  
"and put those needles away…your dad couldn't take me on and you think you can?"  
"he's not my dad…"  
"please do explain…not like I wanna go back there right now anyways…and I'm gonna drag your asses back to konoha with me and save your lives from this shit-hole…I could use a kinjutsu master….of the seven swordsman and someone who has a kekkei-genkai"  
haku's eyes widened slightly before she calmed herself  
"the bingo-book?"  
"of course…and not like everyone can mix wind and water chakra easily…now please…explain to me about your situation and your past…my future mistress" he said licking his lips  
"…" she threw a senbon that hit him in the clavicle  
"YEOW…hohohoho…I like my women rough…you don't look like a hellcat though…"  
"I'm leaving"  
"nyuuuuu, I'm sorry I was just kidding  
I'm trying to break the _ice_ between us" he said with a stress on the ice  
he put on sunglasses and looked up  
"AWWW YEAAAAHH"  
"…" haku was thinking about why she was gonna tell him her life story  
"okay…now please get comfy and tell me all about it"

**TWO HOURS LATER**

'**SWEET MOTHER OF GOD…I KNOW SHE HAS A NICE VOICE TO HEAR HER PANT OR SQUEALL BUT WOMEN TALKING FOR TWO HOURS NON-STOP?...GAAHH'  
**naruto on the other hand listened to her story with interest  
they were alike on some points…only that he had to rely on himself and no one like zabuza came to save him…no wait someone did…the kyuubi…the reason why everyone despised him  
but he wasn't a fatherly figure for him, though he was grateful for having a friend through all this  
"alright…meet me tomorrow on the bridge…and get ready for a fight haku…I want you to tell zabuza to explain to kakashi my plan of taking you two with me and I want you to…beat the crap of the uchiha boy"  
"alright…and thanks…for listening to me…I feel much lighter"  
**'no shit you stupid bitch  
we'll ride you so hard with that cute voice of yours that you'll scream for more GROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAH'  
**'we?...unless you're thinking what I'm thinking'  
**'you know it soulmate'  
**they both snickered in naruto's head and naruto shuffled her hair before jumping away, leaving a mesmerized haku behind  
'finally…someone who's stronger then zabuza-sama…I think I'm falling for him' she thought giggling to herself, forgetting she was here to kill the guy

The end people  
yes I know it was short and not very…rich this time but it's a build-up  
people bashing next time…well…not sakura…she's useless already  
and yes…female haku…SUE ME!...wait…I haven't mentioned I don't own naruto yet…oh wait I do!...it's white, furry, has red eyes and I snuggle it to death on occasions  
yup…its my bunny  
freddy mercury out !


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter ten my equally-awesome-to-be-still-reading-this friends v-v  
this chapter (since its ten and I like ten) will be dedicated completely to chaos and mayhem…and when I say chaos I mean laughter and when I say mayhem I mean blood and stuff everywhere…not that it would affect you geniuses…  
and just for this chapter, I do not own naruto in any way..guhuhu…or any of the famous characters you probably know in this chapter  
we roll v-v/)

**JUDGEMENT DAY…FOR SOME PEOPLE**

Team seven minus a blond slim shady were helping the workers put the finishing touches on the bridge when suddenly, a mist approached the bridge  
kakashi ordered everyone but team seven to leave the bridge  
'naruto-kun…please make it in time'…if I told you sasuke thought that instead of haku…would you call me gay?  
"looks like you finally decided to show up huh?" kakashi said, pulling his headband up to show his sharingan  
'finally…time to see if kakashi's training had any results' sasuke thought to himself

**TAZUNA'S HOUSE – NARUTO'S ROOM**

"keheh" naruto smiled to himself adjusting the last seal on his belt  
**'about time I heard a woman scream…guhuhu' **kyuubi said after hearing a scream from downstairs  
naruto, was wearing his black-red striped scarf, black with swirl mark sleeveless shirt and long black with red stripes pants that reached to his heels plus wristbands and gloves  
he put away the scroll he had that sealed his clothes away  
he was also wearing his headband on his right arm, letting his hair fall loosely  
naruto sped down the stairs and charged his kunais with wind chakra in advance  
as soon as he saw the thugs, touching tsunami in private areas, he threw five kunais toward the man watching and pinned him to wall and threw three of them at the man molesting her, pinned to wall like his friend but alive  
"BEHOLD, THE GREATEST NINJA TO EVER WALK THIS EARTH ARRIVES MOTHAFUCKAAAA"  
he shouted in his usual pose  
"naruto…" inari said from a corner, his mouth bloody and a cut on his arm  
"good job kid…I see you finally stood up" naruto said to inari, while walking toward the molester  
"who sent you?"  
"suck my di-" naruto broke his arm, the bone clearly sticking out and visible  
"OOOOWWWW YOU SICK FUCK  
WHO TAUGHT YOU HOW TO INTERR-" naruto stabbed the bone with a kunai  
"who dafuq sent you man?  
I don't have all day long"  
the thug pathetically confessed everything and in the end, naruto put a gag in his mouth and turned to tsunami  
"gather everyone in the village and bring them to the bridge…it's prime time some justice was served"  
and with that he left the house and left the thug at the mercy of a frying pan and a bowgun

**THE BRIDGE – TEN MINUTES AFTER NARUTO MOVED OUT OF THE HOUSE**

Zabuza tried to explain naruto's plan to kakashi but he didn't buy it for a second  
"well I can't trust naruto completely and you want me to trust you who was about to kill me a few days ago?"  
"guess its useless to talk…we'll just fight till he arrives…I'll beat you senseless enough so you can just LISTEN" the two jounins rushed at each other  
on the other hand, sasuke was trapped in a cage of ice mirrors and was barely standing his ground with all the senbons on him  
'shit….not yet…I can't die till I've killed him…'  
'well…I beat him up as naruto asked…where is he?'  
and speak of the devil…a loud explosion was heard in the mist and a few seconds later a shout was heard  
"WIND STYLE : CUTTING WIND"  
a great wind came from the source of the shout and a few seconds later, the whole battlefield was visible  
everyone noticed naruto's new outfit and as usual I'll write what they thought…yeah…  
'n..naruto?' sakura  
'not half bad…'kakashi and zabuza thought something along the line  
'showoff…is he trying to look intimidating?' sasuke  
'wow…like he wasn't hot enough when he beat zabuza-sama' haku thought with a blush under her mask  
"BEHOLD MOTHAFUCKAAAAAAAAAS  
THE GREATEST NIN-"  
"CHIDORI" kakashi went flying at the blond which surprised everyone  
naruto simply sidestepped and kakashi's chidori missed him by a hair's breath  
"what dafuq sensei?" naruto growled with a cold stare  
"have you been working with the enemy?...zabuza told me of your plan…"  
somewhere out of the heated argument, a red-eyed uchiha was snickering to himself  
'good timing that I got my sharingan…thanks for the jutsu…kakashi sensei'  
"so?...if you don't agree, you can stay the fuck out of it not go against it" naruto took a deep breath and walked toward the ice cage  
"virgin-chan" he said opening his arms  
the ice dome disappeared and the next second, naruto looked like a pin cushion  
"FUCK" naruto charged his body with chakra and released it with a blow as all the senbons got out of his body  
"naruto-kun…I thought I told you not to call me that again" haku said pointing another senbon at him  
"okay fine…since you did such a nice job breaking his ego down a bit" he said looking at a bloodied sasuke  
"SASUKE-KUN" yep…the pinkette screamed like a banshee, running toward her idol  
thank god sasuke fell unconscious from the shriek because otherwise, he'd have suffocated the way she hugged him  
"okay…and zabuza-san?"  
"you're right…this place is getting kinda boring anyway…I guess I'm coming with you to konoha"  
"alright…anyone disagree?" he said looking at kakashi  
'what are you up to naruto?...' kakashi thought and just looked away  
"just be sure to explain it to the hokage later because I'm not gonna waste my breath"  
"yosh…hmm…I think it should be about time now…" he said looking at his sarutobi-erricson xteria P  
"so…I see the demon got his ass kicked by a bunch of kids huh?" a gruff voice came from the back  
"here we go" naruto said grinning and turning around  
"yo mothafucka…I see you brought the party with ya" naruto said to the midget in the middle of what seemed to be an army  
"shut up brat…well…I wasn't thinking of paying zabuza anyways…I guess I'll just kill all of ya"  
everyone but naruto and zabuza stiffened at that  
'shit….i'm almost out of chakra' kakashi thought to himself  
"kakashi-sensei…" sakura asked the Cyclops  
"naruto…can yo-"  
"sure…just rely on the demon brat when shit comes to shove" naruto said looking away  
kakashi just looked down  
'I'm sorry minato-sensei…I couldn't be a better sensei for your son' (author says : no shit sherlock!)  
naruto seeming to have noticed it looked back and said  
"go join the konoha-club…they're sorry for treating the hero's son like that too" and with that he started walking toward the army  
"hero's son?..demon brat?...what's he talking about kakashi-sensei?" sakura asked confused  
'this is the least I can do for you naruto…' kakashi pushed a pressure point on sakura's neck and she fell unconscious  
naruto looked back after hearing a thud and closed his eyes at the scene  
"sniff…thanks bro" he gave kakashi a thumbs up and kakashi just nodded

**WHERE IT GETS UGLY…NOT THAT YOU GENIUSES WOULD CARE**

Naruto, zabuza and haku were walking toward the army until naruto motioned them to stop  
"just hang back and watch the show"  
"suit yourself" zabuza shoved his broadsword into the bridge and leaned on it  
"be careful naruto-kun"  
"awww  
you care vir-…okay…" he backed away  
"done fooling around brat?"  
"oh don't mind us  
you can have them gangbang you if you want…kehehe"  
**'nice one kid'  
**'actually…I'm gonna throw up as I think about a mob fucking a midget..ewww'  
**'…yeah….you didn't have to describe it you know'  
**"KILL THAT LITTLE SHIT" the midget shrieked and everyone roared and dashed toward the blond vessel  
'let's see…what should we do…ah!'  
"oi zabuza…mind giving me that slab of iron for a moment?"  
"be gentle with it brat" he said throwing it at him  
naruto instantly began pumping wind chakra into it and held the sword, as heavy as it was on his shoulder  
"BRING IT BITCHES, CUTTING EDGE WIND SLASH" naruto roared as he slashed the sword in a horizontal line and anyone in the front was cut in half  
'mother of god…' zabuza thought to himself taking off his ray-ban  
'naruto-kun…' haku stared at the genin's power in awe  
"well…" he threw the sword back at zabuza  
"whaddya think?"  
"not bad…"  
naruto stared at him indifferently  
"and not a single fuck was given that day…" he muttered to himself as he looked away  
**'really could use a stretching…' **kyuubi noted to naruto  
'oh yeah…'  
naruto summoned kurama in a clone and his demonic twin showed kakashi his middle finger  
**"what I think of your dedication to icha-icha mothafucka"  
**"HOW DARE YOU?" kakashi got up and took a kunai out  
"what's roro's middle name?" naruto asked ignoring the terrified army

**"it's shintarou MOTHAFUCKA  
CHPATER TWO PAGE FOURTY SEVEN LINE THREE WHEN HE WAS FLIRTING WITH MIKI'S MOM!"  
**kakashi looked down in defeat  
"i…I have nothing to say"  
"WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?  
DECIMATE THEM"  
the midget shouted running to the back of the army  
"WIND STYLE…"  
**"FIRE STLYE…"  
**_**"BAHAMUT'S ROAR"  
**_the twins opened their mouth and each shot an element out  
the wind and fire hit each other a meter away and transformed into a dragon's head  
the dragon opened its mouth and shot a fireball big enough to engulf the bridge in width at the army, burning most of them instantly, the rest burning alive and some getting third degree burns  
'wow' was on every person still on the bridge's mind  
"WHO DA MAN?"  
**"WE DA MAN BITCH"  
**the pair high fived and kurama went back into the seal  
naruto held his hand toward the flames  
"summoning…" he muttered to himself  
suddenly a grappling shot out of his wristband and hit a short midget at the other end of the bridge, pulling him in a painful way since it was stuck in his…guess where  
"GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH"  
"gatou…you've caused this village enough pain already…time to pay up" naruto threw him at the mob of people with inari in the middle along with tazuna and tsunami  
"everyone…is here?" kakashi said noticing the mob after recovering from the burning scene that just unfolded  
**'oh yeah…they'll help a lot alright'  
**'stupid hoe is my enemy…**stupid hoe is so whack…**oh fuck this lets get back to the village already…I wanna master the firestorm rasengan'  
**'shit man…haven't you had enough?...you're at least high jounin right now'**  
'oh c'mon…those weren't even shinobi…they were just low life thugs'  
**'good point'**

**AFTER THE BRIDGE WAS FINISHED AND NAMED AFTER OUR HERO  
ALONG THE ROAD OF KONOHA**

Sasuke and sakura were glaring at the two new shinois and naruto dangerously and kakashi was reading chapter two of icha-icha  
'naruto…I must have your power one way or the other'  
'how dared you let sasuke-kun get beat up like that?'  
naruto on the other hand was listening to busta nin with his gamabunta headphones (author's forehead turns red)  
**'mother of god…good thing he wasn't born female…if that was a woman lecturing at that pace…oh the pain' **kyuubi said facepawing himself  
'shit man…I can't even understand him after the first sentence…just…shit'  
zabuza and haku on the other hand though…  
'hmm…wonder if I'll meet anyone equally crazy there…'  
'hmm…I wonder if naruto-kun is already taken'  
kakashi…well…his single visible eye turned into a dining plate  
'MOTHAFUCKAH…HE WAS RIGHT !'

**NEAR THE KONOHA GATES**

"okay kakashi sensei…why don't you go get the hokage since there's a high chance of the village flooding zabuza and haku without hearing us out" naruto stated, summoning a ramen cup from his scarf…which seemed to have red seals beneath it !  
'…NARUTOOO…'if glares were harmful, sasuke just killed him…twice  
'was he hiding that there all the time?'…the above average IQ heroine  
"not bad kid but…in your scarf?"  
"I always have it with me….well….i will from now on" he said grinning and slurping down the ramen  
"see ya in a bit" kakashi walked toward the obvious gates of the, I put a pun on, _HIDDEN _leaves village

**THREE HOURS LATER**

"MOTHAFUCKAAAAAAAAAAAAA" naruto and zabuza roared at the hokage and the Cyclops  
"sorry…I thought I saw a rape happen so I went to join it"…..kakashi mentally kicked himself  
"oh…" zabuza's demeanor changed  
"that's understandable" naruto sat down on the grass  
BONK….BONK….SLASH….yeah…naruto was punched by the girls and sasuke decided to cut him with a kunai  
"WHAT DAFUQ MAN?" he said annoyed at sasuke  
"hmph"  
"and why am I the only one hurt and not the creep with bandages over his mouth that possibly hide his drool?"  
"all zabuza-sama said was _oh_…so no problem"  
the hokage coughed to make everyone notice the strongest ninja in the village was present…yeah…  
"naruto?"  
"oji-san?"  
**'squirrel?'  
**_"WUZZZZZZZUUUUU?"  
_everyone looked around and searched for the origin of the voice…nothing  
**'awwwww yeaaah'  
**'that's my bro' naruto hugged kyuubi's paw and kyuubi cuddled him in return  
"YOU THREE IN MY OFFICE NOW" roared the enraged kage

**THE OFFICE**

"naruto…care to explain why you brought an A-ranked nuke nin and possibly the last of a kekkei genkai with you?" the old sage asked naruto  
"sure…I want to…how should I put it…adopt them"  
"….do clarify boy"  
"you see…momochi here…he's a legendary swordsman and he could be a great aid to the village's military power…and since we have the last of the ice benders here with us, we also again, get stronger by having a new blood line in the village…BUT…she's mine"  
haku turned bright red at that  
"sigh…I'm too old for this…don't think I have a choice now do i?"  
"nope…and tell that…_council…_of yours…if they even touch my haku I'll rip them all a new asshole and fuck them with zabuza's sword…plus my own cock...yeah…"  
"and you wanna adopt zabuza how?"  
"he'll be my best man" naruto said grinning  
haku on the other hand, seemed to go black from all the redness  
"okay…but I have no control over the council naru-"  
"I know dood…just…tell them what I told you…from there on its their own fault"  
"very well…you two will have your own separate apartments similar to naruto but don't worry, you'll all be in the same neighborhood…now if you'll excuse me…I need to use my crystal ball to…see how the village is fairing"  
"its mixed bath day"  
"YEEEESH…I mean…what are you talking about boy?  
now get out of here I'm a busy old man"

**OUT IN THE STREETS OF KONOHA**

As usual, naruto was the victim of daggery stares  
"guess we'll be crashing at your place brat"  
"yeah….i guess"  
"naruto-kun…what's with all the stares?"  
"it's a…long story…I'm the jinchuriki of the kyuubi to be concise"  
**'…wait…YOU LIED ITS MIXED BATH DAY MOTHAFUCKA  
ITS TUESDAY TODAY'  
**'sigh….kyuubi my dear…we're not peeking since we have guests for today so why let him have fun while we shrivel up and die?'  
**'…I just….i love you man'  
**'it's all good bro'  
"why don't you guys look around a bit?  
I have a few people to see first"  
"sure…"  
"see you later naruto-kun"  
and with that naruto roof-jumped to…

**THE WEAPON SHOP**

He went in there to find tenten's dad sitting behind the counter and he instantly killed him with his glare…if he could  
"what do you want boy?"  
"oh I just came to make a deal with the devil"  
"…I'm listening"  
"go to the hokage…tell him I sent you…and give this to him"  
he handed him a scroll  
"and I should do as you say why?"  
"because…trust me…it'll be to your advantage"  
"hmph…now if u don't mind" he pointed at the door  
"sure…"

**ROOF JUMPING TOWARD THE FLOWER SHOP**

"eh?...closed for lunch?...guess she must be at my place…oh well"

**ROOF JUMPING HOME**

'**dood…what was in that scroll?'**  
'my letter to oji-san to tell him only about how the seal works and who my father is'  
**'…hmm…I see where you're going with this…'  
**'you're my soulmate man, if you don't…who does?' he stared at the camera with sunglasses on

**NARUTO'S DOORFRONT**

Naruto tried knocking but after he heard no answer, he tried the knob and it was open  
he went inside to see his house just like it was when he left and the flowers had grown a little  
"hello girls" he petted his flowers gently  
that's when he heard the moans  
he went to the source of the voice in his room and saw ino hugging his bed sheets  
"ino-chan?" he asked like he saw hashirama in fornt of him  
ino turned around to see naruto leaning on the room's door and staring at her  
"n..naruto-kun…it's not what you think" she said jumping off the bed  
naruto walked towards her and she closed her eyes waiting for her punishment (the darkness in jackie estecado : PUNISH HER)  
naruto kneeled in front of the sitting blond and rubbed her cheek  
"its okay…I use the axe spray before I go to bed" he said looking at the camera  
"really?" she opened her eyes glad she wasn't addicted to a boy's smell  
"NO" naruto said and got up  
"but I would like an explanation"  
"naruto-kun…i…"  
**'oh shit…I saw this part in icha-icha chapter three'  
**'oh god..'  
"I like you...a lot"  
naruto looked at his feet and ino was having a million thoughts go through her head  
'…I just remembered…the shodaime's law of having multiple wives'  
**'gasp…kid…I'm so fucking proud of ya I could cry'  
**naruto hugged the girl suddenly  
"thank you for confessing…I'm grateful you did it ino-chan"  
ino was at a loss of words  
naruto kissed her cheeks and she felt like she could just die (note at the end)  
**'just take her home and let the feeling settle…guhuhu'  
**naruto carried her bridal style and she clung to his neck

**IN FRONT OF THE FLOWER SHOP**

"here we go" he put her down  
"thanks…oh here" she gave back the apartment keys  
"thanks for taking care of my house ino-hime"  
"my pleasure…kinda" she giggled  
"see ya"

**KONOHA'S EASTERN DISTRICT**

He found zabuza and haku after twenty minutes of jumping all over konoha near a bar  
there seemed to be a commotion so he jumped on a higher building and looked at the scene  
"c'mon gramps, we just wanna have a good time and show her konoha's wonders" a husky man said with his posies  
"kid…if I had my broadsword I'd have long chopped you in half but I'll do you a favor and let you off this time so get lost" zabuza said and haku was trembling behind him…probably pissed off too  
'sigh….this is the fourth time today'  
'oh HELL NO you don't you mothafuckas' naruto jumped down between the man and zabuza, cracking the ground beneath him  
"any problem here zabuza?"  
"yeah man….they're hitting on your girl"  
"is that so?" he said turning to look at the wanna-be playboys  
"tch…you wanna mate with the demon spawn?  
you're pathetic you bit-" naruto used his hands to hold the man's head and kneed him as hard as possible in the face…which made it no longer recognize-able  
"woops…reflex" he said sarcastically  
**'well…he was right you know…with what I saw with INO today…I think she would WANT to be your bitch my man since she actually saw you in battle'  
**'of course man  
I'm gonna make her scream all day long for me with that voice of hers'  
"lets get outta this dump" the trio shunshined to naruto's house

**NARUTO'S HOUSE**

"okay…zabuza on the couch, me and my lady on the bed"  
BANG…naruto got kneed in the balls by haku  
'OH MY GOD…was that the size of it when its flaccid?...how big will it be if its hard?'  
"OH MY BALLS…GUHH…" naruto fell to the ground and blood rushed to his face  
**'SHIT…I CAN'T HEAL IT FAST ENOUGH…I'M SORRY MAN I CAN'T DO ANYTHING' **the kyuubi screamed like a doctor losing his patient  
'its alright bro…I'll just do her all the more harder'  
"okay fine…I was gonna go train anyways"  
'AGAIN?...AT THIS TIME?' zabuza and haku thought  
"see ya" he disappeared with that  
"hmm…where's the bathro…"haku asked zabuza but he was asleep already  
'…naruto's bed…' she thought staring at the bed

* * *

note : i suck at romantic scenes so sue me twice

Finito…shit my hands hurt from all that typing…so do my balls and brain but meh  
its all for a good cause…to give you geniuses a reason to live on!  
if you loved it like I loved it, freddy mercury when you're ALONE so you won't have to explain yourself  
peace out!


	11. Chapter 11

This is where the chuunin exams arc begins…and those who want temari to join the harem…ah fuck this I'm just gonna put everyone but the pinkette in it…hmm…or not…maybe I'll just do everyone a favor and put everyone in it

**MORNING AFTER ZABUZA AND HAKU JOINED KONOHA – NARUTO'S TRAINING FIELD**

Naruto was lying on the ground with several craters around him  
'fuck…its like going up and down at the same time'  
**'one more time and then lets go chow some ramen bro'  
**'okaaaay'  
he got up and held out his hand  
after a few seconds of concentrations, a blue spinning orb appeared in his hand  
'okay…now for the hard part'  
two tendrils came out of his shoulders and turned into clawed hands  
the rested on top of the orb and started channeling chakra into it  
the blue orb started to turn red and the core became yellow  
'shit…shit..almost…got the hang of it'  
the orb started getting bigger and bigger  
'ah fuck…'  
he jumped at the nearest tree and slammed the unstable rasengan into it  
"BURN BABY BURN"  
the orb disappeared into the tree's trench and after a second, a column of fire engulfed it and only a crater was left in its place  
**'not half bad…we're getting somewhere with this dood'  
**'ramen…ramen'  
he started tree-jumping to his safe haven

**A FEW MINUTES OF TREE JUMPING – NEAR HYUUGA MANSION**

'hmm…lets go visit uncle hiashi' naruto thought deviously  
**'kid…what are you doing?' **the kyuubi asked confused but then it hit him  
**'!...kid…stahp'**  
hiashi was watching hinata and neji in a blazing taijutsu match with hanabi sitting next to him…until he sensed something falling  
neji and hinata also sensed it so they jumped back and where they were fighting recently, a blond grinning genin with his head-band on his arm appeared  
"long time no see hiashi-sama"  
"naruto…" hiashi calmed down after seeing the blond  
"any special reason you decided to crash in on the spar?  
and don't tell me its just because you wanted to show me your new attire"  
"nah…just wanted a little rematch" he looked at the hyuuga genius  
'who is this creep?' hanabi's thoughts  
'wow…I can see his muscles through his sweaty shirt…' the red heiress…GUESS WHY SHE'S RED!  
'keh…this will be fun' neji returned the stare with a smirk  
**'aww…he thinks he can beat you'  
**'yeah…just let me double the weights'  
"just one moment" naruto did a few handseals and his body glowed for a little then faded  
'OMG' hinata almost fainted from seeing a shining naruto  
'…weight seals?' hiashi thought after using his byakugan  
"not only are you running out of chakra already…how heavy are you now?" hiashi asked  
"oh I feel a lot lighter" he lied  
"lets do this already" neji got into his jyuuken stance  
"oh please…by all means…the winner gets to kiss hinata and the loser has to eat shino's fatest bug"  
ignoring hinata's opinion, the two rushed at each other and naruto found it hard to evade his palm thrusts  
'damn…he's getting good'  
'curses…why can't I hit him?'  
naruto jumped back and drew a kunai from his wrist-band's seal  
"really eager to kiss hinata?"  
"CURSE YOU" he rushed at him again but naruto cut him on the cheek  
"not very fair if I fought your jyuuken after my training session now is it?"  
"hmph…you are no match for it so I gue-"  
"what was that?" naruto put away the kunai  
"you cannot beat the ultimate taijutsu style…the gentle fist"  
naruto looked down for a few seconds  
**'not a bad idea'  
**'naruto-kun…'  
'hmm…what is on your mind boy?'  
'wow…this creep isn't half bad'  
"okay" he said with a grin  
"lets finish this in the upcoming chuunin exams"  
hiashi stiffened  
"how do you know?  
the council hasn't even announced it yet"  
"books of course  
it happens this time every year"  
'how stupid is this village?' naruto thought to himself  
"very well…but why the tournament?"  
"meh I have my reasons"  
"hmph…It is your fate to lose…deadlast"  
naruto gripped his hand into a seething fist  
"you sure talk big hyuuga…I'll just show you how even the dead last can beat you geniuses with hard work"  
naruto bowed to hiashi and looked at hinata  
"the bet is still on so be sure to brush your teeth every night"  
he disappeared in a shunshin after that  
'he….he really wants to kiss me?' neji thought…..nah just kidding…it was hiashi !

**ICHIRAKU – AFTER TWELVE BOWLS OF PORK AND MISO RAMEN**

'**sunovacock!...how do you fit all that in?'  
**"thanks old-man"  
"very welcome boy" teuchi thanked his ATM  
"thanks to you too nee-chan"  
"I hope you enjoyed it naruto"  
"jeez…keep cooking for me like that and I'll marry you one day"  
a deadly silent filled the shop  
"….with…uncle's….permission of course"  
he decided to exit the shop before suffocating  
'damn…good thing I didn't say mistress…'  
**'ya think?'**  
'big plans today my friend…big plans'  
**'which I look forward to'**

**WEAPON SHOP**

Naruto entered to see tenten and his father in a conversation  
"yo…am I interrupting something?"  
"naruto-kun"  
"namikaze-sama"  
"WOAH" naruto was blown back by the bowing father  
"I am very sorry for mistreating you before…please accept my humble gift" he held out what naruto thought he'd never have  
the katana he saw as a child…the masamune  
"wow…thanks father-in-law" he took the long katana and gave it a test swing and loved how light it was  
'keheh…I'll have fun with this'  
"f..father-in-law?...namikaze?...naruto-kun what's going on?"  
"tenten in your roo-"  
"no sir…you must leave us alone…I will explain" he said winking at the girl  
"hai" and he went to the back of the store  
"naruto-kun…"  
"I have to leave but can you do me a favor?  
can you tell hinata, ayame and ino to be at my house tonight?"  
"okay…wait…why are they all girls?" she asked dangerously  
"see you all tonight"

**TRAINING FIELD SEVEN**

Naruto arrived to see no kakashi so he just slept on a tree branch, not wanting to hear a certain pinkette banshee drive him crazy  
'hmm…really wish I could fuck her crazy with that voice'  
**'bro…are you having a fetish for screams?'  
**'well…it's not fun if there's no scream to show how good it is…if you know what I mean'  
"yo"  
"YOU'RE LATE"  
naruto thanked god he was ten meters away  
"naruto…do ten push-up for not getting damaged in the ear" kakashi said looking at where naruto was  
"sigh" naruto jumped down the tree and did as told  
"YOU WERE AVOIDING ME?"  
"…no I was protecting sasuke under the command of the council" naruto said with wide eyes  
"really?"  
"…." Naruto just looked at kakashi and kakashi understood his pain  
"the dobe is being sarcastic" sasuke said in his usual tone  
BAMPH…a critical hit to naruto  
its super effective!  
"MOTHAFUCKA" he was being held back by kakashi not to attack sasuke  
"okay calm down everyone  
I have good news today"  
'about time' naruto thought  
kakashi gave the three a piece of paper with their names on it and some explanations  
"this year, the chuunin exams are being held konoha and-"  
"okay" naruto and sasuke said in unison  
"stop copying me with that sharingan of yours fag"  
"hmph"  
"but…I don't understand…okay what?"  
naruto and sasuke disappeared in a blow of leaves and kakashi was doomed to explain it to the heroine of the story

**A FEW TRAINING FIELDS FURTHER**

Naruto jumped out of the trees and into the clearing  
"get out here faggot"  
sasuke appeared behind naruto a few meters away  
"what do you want?"  
"train me"  
"no please?"  
"I'm the last of the uchiha and-"  
"so what?  
if you want power so much…beat me"  
naruto put his palm on his headband and as he slid his hand down, a long katana followed it  
**'cool place you chose for it dude'  
**'lets just shut him up for now'  
"hmph…time to show you the power of an uchiha"  
sasuke activated his sharingan and went through a series of hand seals  
"fire style…GREAT FIREBALL JUTSU" he launched a big fireball toward naruto  
"you're too weak…" naruto cut the fire ball in half with his chakra enhanced katana  
"TO DEFEAT ME" naruto appeared next to sasuke and kicked him in the guts  
'shit…'  
sasuke turned into a piece of log  
'wait…he's beneath me?'  
he jumped away just in time before sasuke appeared out of the ground with a kunai in hand  
'so…kakashi is training you personally huh?...'  
"I said beat me not kill me faggot"  
"shut UP" sasuke summoned a chidori in his hand and naruto's eyes went wide  
"a bit too harsh for a friendly spar no?" kakashi asked appearing between the two  
"beat it" sasuke said with command  
"sigh…naruto just get out of here  
I'll talk to sasuke"  
"okay…tell your beloved pupil to stay the fuck out of my way" naruto turned around to walk away but inside….he knew what was gonna happen  
"CHIDORI" sasuke aimed to slam his thundery fist into his chest  
"I said…" naruto took his wrist and broke it with his grip  
"YOU'RE TOO WEAK" he shoved his katana into his shoulder and threw him away painfully  
"sigh…you didn't have to go that far naruto" kakashi said examining sasuke  
"I did…he's not pushing himself far enough  
and his ego is in the way too"  
"what would you know huh?" sasuke muttered in anger  
"no one gives a shit what happened to you sasuke" naruto stared at him with red slitted pupils  
"people only worship you for what you have  
and I've had it way worse than you so go shove a chidori up your ass and be done with it…and here's a little salt for your wound…you'll never beat the one who murdered all of them"  
naruto disappeared in a blow of leaves and left a pissed uchiha and his mentor alone (author feels a spike of enthusiasm from the girl section of readers)

**HAKU'S HOUSE**

Naruto knocked on her door and it opened after a few minutes  
"naruto-kun? What's-"  
"my house tonight don't be late" he went away after that  
'wow…I've never seen him pissed like that'

**RANDOM DISTRICT IN KONOHA**

'god damn…I don't need him to train me personally or kiss my ass all the time but…DAMMIT…I wish I had just left him to die there with zabuza'  
Naruto was sitting on a roof when his attention was caught by a scene in the alley  
"oi kid" the boy with markings on his face said to the boy lifting him by the scarf  
"what do you think you're doing bumping into me?  
are you blind?"  
"kankuro…just let it go…we don't wanna get into trouble already" a blond girl with four pigtails told him from behind  
the boy was just trembling in fear, and naruto knew who he was with just a glimpse  
"fine…I just need to teach him a lesson in PAIN" kankuro pulled his fist and was gonna punch the boy until a kunai hit the ground near his feet  
"what the?.." he looked up to see naruto gripping his katana  
"you realize you were just about to punch the hokage's grandson in the face right?"  
"huh?" he asked and dropped the kid  
"you wanna fight?"  
"in my country?" naruto said pointing his blade at the boy's head-band  
"if you're here for the chuunin exam…" he jumped down and stared him dead in the eye  
"run when you see me"  
he looked at the girl next  
'what a hunk…' she thought, checking naruto out  
"but for you my lady…" he got on one knee and kissed her hand  
"unless you're a virgin, you can't run faster then me"  
**'AWWWWW YEAAAAAH' **kyuubi shouted in excitement  
"what do you think you're doing?" a hollow voice came from a tree branch  
'shit?...i didn't even notice him…but this feeling...'  
he got up on his feet and stared at the newcomer  
'kyuubi…'  
**'it's the ichibi…'  
**"BRO" he opened his arms at the redhead boy with a giant gourd on his back  
"gaara…it's not what you think" kankuro tried to explain  
"we leave…now…and I'm not your brother"  
the trio left and naruto couldn't help but stare at the girl's ass  
"HEEEEY…I DIDN'T GET YOUR NAME" he shouted even though she wasn't that far away  
"…temari" she said without turning around  
"CAN YOU TAKE ON TWELVE INCHES?"  
….author has fainted  
readers whited out !  
'is he joking?' she thought to herself  
**'you know…she doesn't really have a choice'  
**'exactly my point' naruto grinned evilly

**THAT NIGHT – NARUTO'S HOUSE**

Naruto entered his house to see hinata, ino, tenten, haku and even ayame present  
"well…where do I begin?..."  
**'by taking off your pants?'**

* * *

THE END  
THIS IS WHAT YOU DESERVE FOR NOT FREDDY MERCURY-ING  
PEACE OUT!


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter twelve without a single ado….just…read at your own risk  
we roll v-v/) :

**THE DOOMNIGHT…FOR SOME…ONE**

"…"  
"naruto-kun?" haku decided to break the _ice_(author says : AWW YEAH)  
the girls were wondering what's wrong with the blond  
**'bro…what were you thinking calling all of them?'  
**'i..have no fucking Idea  
I was just drunk or something at the time…aww man'  
naruto felt like the prince of persia and in front of him were too many dahakas to handle at once  
"erm…umm…" naruto just stuttered in fear…of pain  
'aww…he's stuttering…how cute' haku, ino and ayame thought  
'he…he stutters too?' hinata's thoughts  
'you can do it naruto-kun' tenten gave him a mental thumbs up  
"I'm gay"  
everyone face-palmed and haku reached for her pocket  
"just kidding…erm…why I gathered everyone here tonight is to say that…well…as you know…I'm the last of the uzumaki…and namikaze"  
everyone shared confused looks  
"what I'm saying is…I'll be using the shodaime's law to…erm…since I'm the last as I said…I'm using his law to…to…"  
"what naruto-kun?" ayame asked curiously  
"have multiple wives"  
everyone were staring at naruto like he just told them the sky is actually green  
"well…"  
"umm…"  
"you see…"  
everyone were at a loss for words  
"not now" he said and everyone breathed easily  
"it'll be when I'm at LEAST 18"  
everyone mentally kicked themselves for forgetting such important note  
"what I'm getting at is, please make up your minds by then  
if you don't want to, it is completely understandable…err…yeah  
anyone want ramen?"  
"i…I think I need to think a little" ayame said, going for the door  
"me too" haku also got up  
"me three" tenten also went out  
ino waited for hinata to leave so she could talk to naruto but she just sat there and looked down  
"see ya later naruto" she pecked his cheek as she left  
"bai"  
"you have something to tell me hinata?"  
"i…I love…naruto-kun"  
'okay...act surprised...1...2...3...look down...count to ten...and hug with fake tears in eyes'  
**'hmm...i believe her jacket is hiding her blessings naruto...'**  
'seriously?'  
naruto went forward and hugged her softly  
"thank you hinata  
I can't imagine how much you had to push yourself to confess and I'm thankful for it"  
"that's why…I'll train harder from now on…to be your best wife"  
'okay…weird turn of events'  
"okay..if..that's what you'd like"  
she kissed naruto on the lips which took him also by a big surprise  
'you know…in chapter one…it said the timid type were the most ferocious'  
**'try spanking her ass'  
**but he had no time as she soon fainted  
"oh well…I'd rip apart her clothes and fuck her awake but…meh…I wanna hear her scream"  
with that said, he carried the heiress to the hyuuga mansion and explained that she was unconscious not dead

**NEXT DAY – CHUUNIN ENTRANCE BUILDING**

'you have got to be bustin jiejering me'  
naruto stared in awe at the group of genin gathered near the bathroom door  
'good thing I took my dump this morning'  
naruto was walking along with sasuke, who had bandages on his shoulder and wrist and sakura who was looking worriedly at sasuke  
"please let us through" a genin said to the two guards in henge  
"sorry but that's a no"  
naruto just went up the stairs and quietly left sasuke and sakura to explain about the genjutsu over the WC board  
he entered the room to see a few groups of genin and they all stared at him as he entered  
'so not everyone's a shit-for-brain'  
**'actually…'  
**kyuubi stopped his sagely speech and took a loud whiff  
**'I smell…snakes…it's him'  
**a white haired boy with glasses glowed red to naruto's eyes and the glow disappeared a second later  
"wuzzuu bro?"  
"oh..hello"  
"hey…" naruto pointed at the boy's head-band  
"I never saw you before"  
"oh…this is my fifth time if I remember right" he said scratching the back of his head"  
naruto put his hand on his shoulder and gripped it tightly  
"I feel ya bro…I'm a deadlast too" he said with fake tears in his eyes  
"so how come you failed five times?"  
"well-"  
"NARUTO" naruto didn't even need to force his brain to process whose voice that was  
"hey dobe, you'll get lost if you don't stick with us"  
soon enough, the rest of the rookie nine gathered around and greeted each other  
"everyone meet..err"  
"kabuto"  
"meet kabuto, kabuto meet ino,tenten,lee,neji,shikamaru,chouji,kiba,hinata,shino and I'm naruto"  
"nice to meet everyone"  
"and they are?" kabuto pointed at sasuke and sakura  
"my hairstyler and my gay partner"  
BONK  
"so…what's your specialty kabuto?"  
"oh…I have nin-cards"  
"cool…give me sasuke uchiha"  
"okay…wait..you know about them?"  
"yeah man…I ain't stupid"  
"okay…one sasuke uchiha…coming up"  
kabuto put a nin-card on the floor and channeled chakra  
the card showed sasuke's stats and picture  
"hmm…good taijutsu,ninjutsu,genjutsu,weapons….a genius"  
sasuke stood in front of kabuto and looked at him indifferently  
"naruto uzumaki"  
the card showed only naruto's picture  
the rest were blank except for his missions part  
"what?...IMPOSSIBLE" kabuto almost fainted  
'hehehe…idiot'  
**'good thing you asked the hokage to change your name to namikaze uzumaki huh?'  
**kabuto stared at naruto with wide eyes  
"HOW?"  
"well…you need a person's full name right?  
you don't have mine so…"  
"ALLRIGHT  
LISTEN YOU MAGGOTS  
GET IN YOUR SEATS AND SHUT THE FUCK UP"  
'oh…that's a rough party-man'

**THROUGH THE PAPER EXAM**

Naruto knew this was just a means to collect information as the questions were clearly above genin level  
'hmm…that was a close one with kabuto  
I should thank him later for almost revealing my shiznet'  
**'sigh…how much longer?'  
**'close enough…afterall…we both decided when it'll be right?'  
naurto started doodling troll faces on the paper

**AFTER HALF AN HOUR**

Ibiki explained about the tenth question and its rules  
naruto decided to cut down the numbers a little…lot  
"so…if we fail to answer the question?"  
"you stay genin for life"  
**'or go nuke-nin'**  
the population instantly got cut in half in numbers  
'damn…so many…get lost already'  
"well then…you all….PASS"  
"NO SHIT" naruto couldn't help but blurt  
everyone stared at him like he just told them sasuke has a twin brother  
"...my sarutobi-erricson just told me my fortune and there's a chance i'll get raped today"  
'...fuck...is he for real?  
oh well...i guess its gonna be an interesting year this time'

**AFTER ANKO MADE HER ENTRANCE AND EVERYONE ARRIVED AT THE FOREST OF DEATH**

'**sniff…oh god…who's been bathing with the snakes?'  
**naruto saw anko, kabuto and a grass nin glow red  
'holy shit…the grass nin stinks…the glow is big as a baby bijuu…and how come the instructor stinks of it too?'  
anko noticed naruto was checking her out…or she thought  
she threw a kunai at him and naruto let it cut his cheek  
"sorry" she said licking his bloodied cheek  
"I slipped"  
"here's your kunai madam" a six inch long tongue put the kunai in front of anko's face  
**'dat tongue combo!'  
**"aww thank you dear" she said taking the kunai…wet with saliva  
"but next time, DO use the hands god gave you"  
"and take a shower dude" naruto said covering his nose  
"you stink of snakes"  
anko stiffened and the nin just bowed  
"I'll remember that…konoha-kun"

**AFTER EVERYONE ENTERED WITH THEIR RESPECTIVE SCROLLS AND THE EXAM BEGINNED**

Team seven was tree jumping and sasuke started making the plans  
"okay, we'll go to the tower straight and hide near the entrance and ambush anyone that comes and take the earth scroll"  
"good plan sasuke-kun" the pink power ranger said in excitement  
"no shit…you guys can do as you please…I have…people to thank…but don't worry  
I'll catch up"  
"naruto WAIT" sasuke tried stopping him but he was long jumped-away

**WITH NARUTO**

'oi kyu….get ready for a sannin battle…I don't think anyone but the snake-sannin can stink as bad as that'  
**'hmm…aren't you going too far?  
at least alert the authorities'  
**'ahh they won't do shit  
they won't stop the exams for a simple s-rank nuke-nin who's here to probably destroy konoha with a mass invasion…I think…' he thought and looked at the camera  
'oh  
there's my bro!'  
with a hard leap, naruto appeared in front of kabuto and his teammates  
"bro!" naruto said with excitement…which no one noticed the sarcasm  
"naruto!  
wait…where're your teammates?" he said looking around and his posies holstered their kunai  
"I wouldn't holster my weapon if I were you" naruto took his sword out of his head-band seal and unsheathed it  
"I noticed that…how and why does a genin I've never seen around AND I KNOW EVERYONE, have all that information?  
more importantly…"  
he pointed his sword at kabuto  
"what does orochimaru want here?"  
"KILL HIM" kabuto shouted, his teammates dashed at naruto but naruto just evaded their pathetic taijutsu and slashed their heads off  
"tch…pathetic kawarimi" the bodies turned into rock  
'he cut…ROCK?' kabuto thought, now trembling  
"look…I don't wanna kill you…yet…just quit when you reached the tower okay?"  
kabuto's teammates facepalmed and the sound echoed in the forest  
"what?" he said re-sealing his sheathed blade  
"nevermind…are you just gonna let us go?"  
"sure…its boring with so much peace anyway  
and I'm just a simple genin so who'd believe me huh?"  
'uzumaki…WHAT are you?' kabuto thought  
"well…see ya" and he disappeared

**A FEW MINUTES LATER**

'oh shit…my head hurts from the smell…I smell snakes…bitches and…uchihas?'  
**'interesting…'**

**WITH OROCHIMARU,SASUKE AND SAKURA**

Sakura was knocked out from fear and sasuke was beaten bloody  
orochimaru wasn't in tip-top condition either  
"hmhmhm…I see your sensei trained you well…tell me…do you want more….POWER?" he said licking his lips  
"…yes" sasuke muttered  
orochimaru's neck grew in size and his head shot at sasuke  
he bit his neck and a mark appeared on it  
"AAAAAAAARGH" sasuke passed out from the pain  
"you will come to me sasuke-kun…soon…"  
"AND WE'LL BE TOGETHER FOREVER MY LONG LOST LOVE" naruto blurted while laughing his ass off on the ground  
"WHAT?...oh…it's the demon brat" he said snickering  
"what?...oh…it's the guy who enjoys having snakes slither up his ass before sleeping" naruto continued the cat fight and a tick mark appeared on orochimaru's head  
"watch your tongue boy…I'm"  
"the snake sannin  
one of the three legendary ninjas of konoha…so what?"  
"what?..."  
"you three pathetically lost to hanzou  
you technically got that name for losing so why are you so proud?" naruto said unsheathing his blade  
"you'll learn to respect others boy….the hard way"  
orochimaru launched at naruto and naruto screamed "RAPE" before the author gave everyone a cliffhanger


	13. Chapter 13

Without further ado  
chapter XIII  
we roll v-v/)

"RAPE"  
"DIE"  
naruto blocked a kick from the sanin with his arm and tried to sweep kick the man but the man jumped away  
naruto released all his weight and chakra seals and kicked the ran from the man as he followed, but he barely outran the sannin and he was catching up by the seconds  
"from what?  
your dick can't be that big since you have such small feet"  
orochimaru grew angrier  
"insult after insult…do you really think I'll let you go now BRAT?"  
orochimaru held out his hand and his fingers glowed purple  
**'oh'  
**'crap…if I get hit by that…I'll be as bad a chuunin….but since I'm a master of the seals…'  
naruto stopped pointed his blade at the snake  
"you know…you don't really need chakra to finger someon-"  
"five star seal-"  
"GO FUCK YOURSELF"  
naruto disappeared in a poof  
'a clone?...before he arrived?...DAMM-'  
"CHOU ODAMA RASENGAN" naruto shouted from above with a rasengan the size of a house  
'shi-'

**WITH ANKO**

'yummy…nothing beats dango with genins screaming in pain' she smirked from above a tree in the forest  
'hmm?'  
she looked left after sensing a spike of chakra  
a second later, a giant explosion could be seen with a red column of fire at the middle of it  
'what the fuck?' she sped toward the explosion

**WHAT HAPPENED BEFORE THE EXPLOSION**

Orochimaru jumped with all his might to the left and leapt about five meters  
"I'm a sannin brat  
a move like that is not enough"  
naruto and his rasengan suddenly disappeared in a blur  
"WHAT?" orochimaru yelled after noticing it was a genjutsu  
'I wasn't expecting a genjutsu that strong from a genin…dammit…I'll punish kabuto for his false information later'  
orochimaru still hadn't landed yet when naruto appeared where he would land  
in his hands was a red spinning orb with a bright yellow core  
"IMPOSSIBLE"  
"BLAZE…RASENGAN" he shoved the power-bomb into orochimaru's guts and everything went white for the snake tamer (deepest apologies to pokemon fans...and serperior)

**WITH ANKO**

She arrived to a giant crater as if a meteor had hit it and to the sides were the boy she cut the cheek of and the other side a torn apart body  
"a little help would be nice" he said limply on the ground  
"damn…did you do that kid?"  
"I'd watch out for him if I were you" naruto rolled his eyes and she looked at the body  
it stood up even though its organs were visible and sticking out on some parts but its mouth grew a feet wide and a pale skinned man covered in saliva came out of it  
"uzumaki…NARUTOOOO"  
"HOLY SHIT I DID NOT JUST SEE THAT…wait…if I kill you again…you won't come out of your mom's privates will you?" naruto said carelessly even though he was barely keeping awake from chakra exhaustion  
'I won't forget this'  
"I'll spare you for now boy…"  
"WAIT" anko shouted at her ex-sensei  
"sorry my dear  
we'll play again some other time" he licked his lips and disappeared into the forest  
"…so did you guys play find the snake in the hole and his ass opened as big as his mouth right now?" naruto joked chuckling  
"HOW CAN YOU JOKE LIKE THAT?  
YOU'RE A GENIN AND YOU FOUGHT ALMOST FACE TO FACE WITH A SANNIN-"  
"oh shut u.." naruto went dead asleep  
"you have a lot of explaining to do…" she proceeded to take naruto's body to the tower

**HOSPITAL OF THE TOWER**

Naruto awoke in a white room and in white clothes all over him  
"shit…I died huh?"  
"not quite my boy"  
sarutobi said from the side of the bed  
naruto tried to move to see the old man but his body ached all over  
"ouch…damn it sucks"  
**'I'd have healed you but…it'd be kinda flashy and I wouldn't want the snake girl to see'  
**'thanks man…I know you have my back'  
"so tell me…how did you beat a sannin…and my ace student?"  
"its called strategy old man  
take him by surprises all the way and give it your all with one finishing move mothafucka"  
"so basically…"  
"yeah  
I don't think I could hold a candle to that guy  
so…now if you don't mind…" naruto closed his eyes and red chakra glowed all over him  
"incredible…" sarutobi stared in awe as his bruises went away and slim shady jumped up the bed (i meant naruto not the legend)  
"say…you know where my clothes are old man?"  
sarutobi pointed to the room's closet  
"thanks…still have to take care of the other two"  
"don't get into another trouble like that boy  
it was a bit too hard to persuade anko to go away…I had to give her an all-you-can-eat card from the hokage to a dango shop so she would leave…for now"  
"thanks again old man…you're the only reason I'm still staying in this shit of a village"  
naruto started changing and the hokage stared out the window into the forest  
"naruto…please…find it in your heart to forg-"  
"NO  
WHY DO THEY DESERVE MY FORGIVING?  
I'M THE SON OF THE HERO AND SHOULD BE TREATED LIKE ONE WHEN I DON'T EVEN COUNT FOR SHIT IN THIS VILLAGE" naruto roared with hate  
"this village…is too corrupt to be saved by its own stupidity…" naruto silently left the room to find his _beloved_ teammates  
'I'm sorry minato…I couldn't be a better grandfather to your only son and the village gets what it deserves in the end…'

**A FEW MILES AWAY FROM THE TOWER**

Sakura was shaking in fear and her hair seemed shorter  
lee was knocked out next to her but he was beaten all over  
standing on top of three dead bodies was sasuke with tomoe markings all over his body  
"hmhmhmhm…this power…I like it"  
"woah…" naruto stared at sasuke's body flowing with chakra  
**'damn…that's some dark chakra'  
**"like what you see dobe?"  
"oh no  
what I was thinking is…orochimaru would orgasm instantly if he saw you right now"  
"EAT THIS" sasuke summersaulted naruto in the chin and naruto flew through a tree  
'shit…' naruto started unsealing himself  
"s..sasuke-kun…please stop" sakura yelped with tears flowing down her eyes  
"SASUKE" naruto started pumping chakra into his rasengan  
"NARUTO" sasuke formed a chidori  
"STOP IT" sakura placed herself in the middle and opened her arms  
"if you want to kill each other…you have to go through me first"  
the boys stared at each other a moment and smirked at the same time and released their jutsus  
"I'll beat your ass…"  
"in the tournament for the whole world to see" naruto finished sasuke's sentence and the author felt a few narusasu fan faint  
naruto threw an earth scroll toward the pinkette  
"lets move"  
"where'd you-"  
"from the creep who molested your dear sasuke-kun"  
naruto started moving but her voice stopped him  
"what changed you naruto?"  
naruto turned around seething with hate  
"you…all of you…this village and every single idiot in it"  
he turned and walked toward the tower  
"naruto…"  
"lets move" sasuke followed naruto and the marks slowly recovered back to the original one on his neck

**THE TOWER – AFTER ANYONE WHO SURVIVED REACHED IT**

"since there's so many of you we'll be having a preliminary round" hokage said scratching his beard  
"what? Why?" kiba asked  
"because there will be so many important people from all over the countries and they have so little and so valuable time, we will have to cut down the numbers by half  
anyone who wants to quit now, please raise your hands"  
naruto stared at kabuto and kabuto stared back  
"I quit" and kabuto left without saying another word…he smirked instead !  
"okay…now lets begin" he pointed at a board and the board started showing names and randomizing them  
the name stopped on sasuke's and another nin from grass' name  
"will the two contestants step forward?" genma the exam proctor asked  
"the rest may go up and watch the battle from there"  
the rest walked up the sides and watched the battle unfold

**CANON…WELL…ALMOST ALL BATTLES**

No matter how much rock lee tried to win, gaara won the battle  
neji beat hinata mercilessly to a pulp and naruto whispered in his ear that the bet is still on and they both smirked…for their own reasons!  
kiba and chouji were up against each other and as a draw, the both lost  
same went for ino and sakura  
shikamaru forfeited his battle with naruto when naruto took his katana out  
sasuke won the first round but died…just kidding, fell unconscious due to chakra exhaustion and as always, the Cyclops helped him out  
tenten almost won the battle with temari but lost as her beloved kodachi broke as it hit her fan  
shino and kankuro beat kabuto's teammates fairly easily  
"will neji,naruto,gaara,temari,kankuro and shino please pick a card?  
since sasuke is not here, his card will be the last one out"  
everyone proceeded to take a card  
"now call out your names and I'll tell you what's what"  
"one" naruto said  
"two" neji  
"three" kankuro  
"five" temari  
"six"shino  
"seven" gaara  
"and since sasuke is four…" anko scribbled on a board and showed the match-ups  
naruto vs neji off the bat  
kankuro vs sasuke  
temari vs shino and the winner goes against gaara  
"that is all  
you have one month until the finals everyone  
may the strongest village prevail"  
"YEAAAaahh okay" naruto piped down when he noticed he's the only one excited  
"naruto…" sarutobi muttered and rubbed his eyes  
"okay everyone, go train or something" anko said and scattered the survivors  
"shiznet…so temari" he looked her up and down and licked his lips  
"hungry?" he said and looked at her like she was meat  
"sorry but i'm taken"  
"by?"  
"...gaara"  
naruto just stared at her  
"I like the way you joke…now come!" he carried her bridal style and disappeared  
gaara and kankuro watched the scene unfold and gaara's sand started moving around  
"mother wants your blood…"  
"so will kankuro if you hurt temari…"  
"….mother is creeped out by the way kankuro tries to act cool…" gaara put a sand barrier between them and walked off

**ON THE ROOF OF SOME RANDOM BUILDING IN KONOHA**

"c'mon"  
"no"  
"please"  
"I said no"  
naruto was begging temari to join konoha and be his forever but she refused  
"okay fine…I know you're going through puberty right now so I'll give you time till I'm eighteen"  
"whatever" she got up and was going to jump away when she noticed naruto drooling  
'hmph…this should shut you up'  
she jumped off and with every jump on each roof, her butt jiggled a little and naruto's mind went haywire  
'I can't WAIT till I'm eighteen'  
**'same here…we'll spank it and ride it so hard, instead of small jiggles, she wouldn't even be able to wear a spandex' **kyuubi snickered and wiped his drool  
'anywho…'  
he turned around  
"there's no chance in hell you'll train me so what do you want mothafucka?"  
"hel-"  
"I SAID FUCKING NO ALREADY" naruto pointed a charged kunai at his sensei's throat and he stepped back  
"please naruto, he's your teammate  
he won't be able to go against someone like gaara and only with a month's training"  
"heh" naruto chuckled and re-sealed his kunai into his wrist-band  
"he should be scared shitless of one person in this tournament and that's me" he turned on his heel and disappeared

**WEAPON SHOP**

Tenten's dad was sitting behind the counter and bowed as usual when naruto entered  
"hey father-in-law  
is tenten okay?"  
"yes…she's…well…she's in her room"  
"okay thanks  
by the way…can you make me about…say…thirty three pronged kunai like my dad's?" he said with a grin  
"it'll be my pleasure namikaze-sama"  
"please" he put his hand on the elder man's shoulder and gave him a bright smile  
"call me son"  
**'you know…if I were you right now I'd take my hand off cuzz he looks like he'll masturbate to it if you keep it there'  
**'shit…why are there so many gay points appearing in this harem story?' naruto thought and stared at the author sitting behind the camera  
author just waved it away and gave naruto a thumb up  
naruto believes in the author and continues the story

**TENTEN'S ROOM**

Tenten was lying on the bed and the stains on the pillow showed she was crying  
she was in her white pajamas, the shirt was long sleeved and fluffy while the pants reached to her knee  
as she was sobbing to herself, naruto kissed the back of her head  
"I'm okay dad…sniff"  
naruto kissed her neck this time and she now had a good guess who it was  
"..sniff…naruto-kun?"  
naruto held back a facepalm  
"…no I'm neji wearing lee's green spandex"  
she giggled a little and turned on her bed and hugged naruto hard  
"you always brighten my mood naruto-kun…"  
**'you always tighten my pants too dear…wait…did that almost rhyme with tighten and brighten!?'  
**"it makes me happy to know that ten-chan…but why were you crying?"  
she let go of the hug and sat back  
"…your sword.."  
naruto put his hand in his pants (author facepalms at the awkward rhyme)  
"my sword seems to be fine"  
"I meant your kodachi you baka" she poked his forehead  
"oh that…well…if you wait long enough…say…a month…I'll give you something even better and it won't break either"  
"really?" her face brightened and hugged naruto again  
"thanks naruto-kun"  
"aww come here" naruto kissed tenten's cheek and cuddled him  
"have to go training now but…see you soon…in a month…with my gift" naruto kissed her on the cheek everyime he parted a sentence  
"okay…make sure you kill that bitch for breaking it okay?"  
**'oh boy…I believe someone's jiggly ass is going to have a fight with the firmer one'  
**"see ya" and naruto shunshinned**  
**'wait….you fucking named them without consulting me?...  
...thanks man!  
saved me a lot of trouble  
hurts like an ass to think'  
**'I know my soulmate  
oh and here is the list'** kyuubi turns to the harem fans  
**'tenten is the frim one since she works out a lot  
temari's ass is jiggly…proof can be seen in the story  
ino's ass is soft since she seems to take much care of her body  
haku's ass is the-'  
**'wait wait wait  
isn't haku kinda…err…boy-ish'  
**'let me finish mothafucka  
her ass is the mother-virgin'  
**naruto falls on his knees with his mouth wide open and stares at the shining kyuubi  
'mother of god…'  
**'see?  
ayame's ass is the delicious one  
and last but not least hinata's ass is…the ferocious one'  
**'okay…kinda strange but we shall believe in the kyuubi'  
**'….get to training already'  
**'fine…'

**NARUTO'S TRAINING FIELD**

"took ya long enough brat"  
"heh…long time no see old man"

Finito

Consider this story discontinued for another six months till I finish college exams…just kidding  
I'll try to find some time...probably wednesdays...hmm...yep once a week

Chao's


	14. Chapter 14

Ah yes…another favorite number of mine  
I've also been listening to more of David Guetta's songs so I'm extra nuts today (I mean she wolf)  
expect some good plots and techs cuzz in my idle time I've been thinking…..actually…I just got these ideas while I was in the loo so…ROLL ON v-v/) :

**NARUTO'S TRAINING FIELD**

Naruto was in a taijutsu match with jiraya on full force and he was struggling to keep himself on his feet  
"c'mon gaki  
that faggot will beat you senseless at this rate"  
naruto grazed a punch past the hermit's face  
they were fighting at such fast rate that the average human would just see blurs  
"I know already…dammit…"  
naruto was getting frustrated  
he was fighting with all of his seals off him but even still the old creep was stronger  
'DAMN…if I didn't have these speed seals on me I'd be mush by now' jiraya thought to himself  
before he went to train naruto, he drew speed and power seals under his shirt to outmatch naruto  
he upper-cutted naruto and he fell limply like a rag doll  
"_pant…pant…_"  
**'…you kno-'  
**'I know…with his seals he'll be as good as a sanin  
if he didn't have them he'd be just another perverted creep'  
**'then why aren-'  
**'he's at sanin level now just like orochimaru…if I can beat him…I can beat the pedo-snake'  
**'well…you're not gonna elevate to sannin level in just a month so you'd better think some shit up'  
**"lets take five naruto"  
"nah…I'm going home"  
and before jiraya turned around, naruto disappeared and in his place was a note  
"_seals can only get you so far ero-sennin"  
_"…sunovagun…I should get training too…hmm…I wonder if ma and pa are home" and he headed for the sacred frog mountain

**NARUTO'S HOME**

Naruto was looking through his nin-book notes  
"hmm…maybe something with kage-bunshins?"  
**"nah…think deeper" **kura was lazily laying on the couch and was browsing soft core channels  
"deep….deep…."  
naruto sat on his bed and took his meditation pose  
'hmm…I need to be faster…I'm as strong as I can be…KENJUTSU!...wait…i can't ask anyone and zabuza only works with broadswords….grrr….'  
**"can I order some ramen?"  
**"…."  
**"thanks"  
**"….."  
'wait…KURAMA!'  
"I FREAKING GOT IT!"  
**"what?  
you want miso or pork?"  
**naruto re-sealed kurama and dashed to the training field

**SOMEWHERE NEAR NARUTO'S TRAINING GROUNDS**

"CHIDORI"  
naruto heard a shout of kakashi's jutsu and dashed toward it, to see if kakashi was engaged in battle  
he arrived to see sasuke panting and kakashi looking over him  
on a large boulder on the other side were two holes  
'only two huh?...'  
naruto left there and decided to forget he ever saw his mentor training his nemesis and not giving a shit about him  
-a few miles further-  
**'…I know you're pissed but…tomorrow's Thursday'  
**"**FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK "** naruto let out a monsterous roar  
**'gotcha!'  
**'DAMMIT DUDE  
this shit ain't good for my heart'

**TRAINING FIELD**

'**so….what's the big idea?'  
**'you are my dear friend'  
naruto lifted his right hand up and concentrated bijuu chakra into it  
soon enough, a fox's head covered his arm and now it looked like a canon  
**'pretty cool but…how'll you do shit with it?'  
**'YOU will'  
**'…I don't follow'  
**'take a human form and do my seals for me'  
kyuubi banged his head against the iron bars  
**'FUCKING…MOTHER…FRITCH HUBBER!  
YOU ARE A FUCKING GENIUS!'  
**kyuubi turned into an elder man with a dark robe on him with iron gauntlets and a red armor  
kyuubi formed the seals for the fireball and the mouth of the fox on naruto's arm opened  
'**GREAT FIR-'  
**'I've got a better name'  
"FOX STYLE : FOX FIRE CANNON"  
a fire ball shot out of his arm and it destroyed everything in its path until it hit a group of trees and it exploded  
**'…are you on medications?  
that name was PERFECT'  
**"haha…now…lets try this on a few more levels eh bro?  
I've got great great plans my dear"  
**'…you've been skipping hotsprings too much'  
**"yeah you're right but FIRST…I need to get the fuck out of this village for a while"

**HOKAGE'S MANSION**

Naruto bustled through the door carelessly and saw three fossils stare daggers at him  
he didn't know the old man and hag but knew the black haired man with almost all of his body and eye covered in bandages  
'the warhawk…I read about him…'  
"oh naruto!  
good timing my boy…now if you would leave us alone" sarutobi pointed at the door and the three left with groans  
"….you owe me one don't you?"  
"HECK YEAH…my boy…I don't know why you wanna be a hokage but let me tell you right now…it sucks….YOUR FUCKING LIFE"  
"dang gramps…sit down and take a load off  
did they annoy you that much?"  
naruto layed on the couch and sarutobi sat on his chair and sighed loudly  
"naruto…they were here about you"  
"didn't want me in the matches?"  
"…yes…but I turned them away  
don't think they'll let it slide though"  
"EXACTLY WHY I'M HERE" naruto jumped up  
"I want out"  
sarutobi stared at him like he asked him what's e=mc square  
"I want to train out of this village"  
"I'm sure you can-"  
"nope  
like you said, they might do things to hinder my training and if I hurt an anbu or one of his men, I'll be the one who'll get punished later"  
"sigh…you're not letting this one go are you?"  
"…yeah you're right I'll train here"  
"really?"  
"ARE YOU RETARDED?"  
sarutobi signed a paper and gave it to naruto  
naruto went for the door but sarutobi's voice stopped him  
"naruto…"

"do you know where jiraya went?  
I can't see him on my crystal ball"  
"…probably went somewhere to train"  
"well…take care boy…and I expect some kick-ass new jutsu from you when you return"  
"heh…you know me way too well ero-ji san"  
with that said, naruto left the room and headed for the gates  
**'what about your girls?'  
**'I'm not going away forever…they'll understand'  
**'…fine…your choice casa-naru'  
**naruto approached the gate guards and gave them the paper  
"hey…aren't you two the bathroom guards from the chuunin exam"  
the two sweatdropped  
"nope  
must be mistaking us for someone else  
take care of yourself"  
he handed the paper back to naruto  
"yeah…sure…do they assign you to do that thing every year?"  
the one with the bandages on his nose wanted to talk and opened his mouth but closed it in defeat  
"ever objected?"  
all three sweat-dropped and kyuubi choked from laughter  
"err…"  
"I thought you were leaving " the other guard took out a katana and naruto ran for his life  
'shit…I swear I saw his eyes turn red dude'  
**'maybe he wanted to give you some candy'  
**'…kura…please'  
**'naru…please'  
**naruto sighed in defeat

**AUTHOR HIBERNATES FOR A MONTH WHILE A LOT OF SHIT HAPPENS WITH NARUTO**

It was the day the chuunin exams began and konoha was bustling with people from all over the world  
"sigh…where are you naruto?" sasuke thought daydreaming about their sweaty love making nights…..yes I'm kidding, I'm not that disgusting  
sarutobi looked out the window and a knock was heard  
"don't come in"  
the door opened and kakashi entered with a serious face….well…by serious I mean he wasn't reading his book  
"I thought I said don't come in"  
"I didn't care"  
"I'm the hokage!"  
"no one gives a fuck"  
"…..well…I guess you're right…but-" sarutobi summoned his diamond-hard pole and hit kakashi in the jewels  
"then again, I'm the strongest so….wanted to tell me something?"  
kakashi had foam coming out of his mouth from pain but sarutobi noticed the scroll in his hand  
he took the scroll and carefully read the content  
for a moment he looked at the author but the author just motioned for him to keep acting  
the kage sighed and read aloud for the people reading this shitty story to know the content of the scroll :  
"dear hokage of konoha  
we had a little trouble on our travel to konoha but we are completely fine now  
sincerely yours,  
kazekage of the-"  
the hokage tore the scroll apart and looked out the window  
"you never wrote me a letter before kazekage-sama…and now you tell me not to worry?  
something is very wrong here…"  
he decided to go home and fully equip himself in his battler armor before going to the stadium

**TWO HOURS LATER – THE STADIUM**

It was time for the battles to being and the crowd were sitting in their respective seats  
chouji was chomping down chips  
shikamaru was dead-asleep  
ino, hinata, ayame, tenten and haku were worriedly looking around  
naruto was nowhere in sight  
"will the contestants of the first match please enter the arena?" the instructor said loud enough for everyone to hear it and neji jumped out of the contestants section  
"hmph…call the match instructor…he's chickened out"  
the instructor, clearly pissed by his un-youthful (shit I feel gay) behavior, looked at the hokage  
the hokage motioned for him to wait  
"if he's not here hokage-sama, we should just call it and move on  
I can't wait for sasuke-cha…for the last uchiha's match"  
"very well…" sarutobi looked at the kazekage suspiciously  
"he will have five minutes"  
the crowd was in full tension after three minutes  
sakura couldn't care less for naruto but was standing and looking around for sasuke and his sensei  
hinata coughed a few times and blood soaked from the sides of her lips  
kiba noticed the blood and patted her back  
"you okay hinata?"  
"I'm f..fine kiba-san"  
"no you're not  
lets get you to a medic"  
"b..but naruto-kun's match-"  
a whooshing sound was heard at that moment and everyone's heads shot up  
everyone could only notice a black blur before an explosion in the arena took their attention  
after the dust cleared away, naruto could be seen in his new attire  
he wore black combat pants and sandals as usual  
but now he wore the konoha head-band on his left thigh and had his masamune strapped to his back  
he wore a black sleeve-less shirt with a red fox head on the back and his favorite swirl mark on the front  
his wrist bands were also longer now with more marks around it and his scarf was missing  
"BEHOLD  
THE GREATEST NINJA THAT EVER SET FOOT IN THIS WORLD  
NARUTO UZUMAKI MOTHAFUCKAAAAAAAAA"  
"hmph…"  
naruto stood silently and just stared at neji  
"…I said…hmph…"  
naruto was sweating now

the author facepalmed  
"you forgot your lines didn't you?...just start the match guy"  
the instructor who now we know was guy nodded and lifted his hand above his head  
"GLADIATORS…READY?"  
"READY" they shouted in unison  
"FIGHT" guy cut his hand downward in a vertical arc and neji rushed at naruto, his byakugan active  
naruto showed neji his magic finger  
neji took this chance and hit naruto with a jyuuken on the shoulder  
"hmph"  
"nice catch phrase….short and effective…kinda gay cuzz sasuke does it too but….okay…let's see…" naruto tried his arm and it moved perfectly well as if it was just tapped on  
"HOW?"  
"urgh…shut up…as if that pink banshee wasn't enough…I'll tell you in the morning…by morning I don't mean, us sleeping together I just mean when you wake up…from being knocked out…not from sexual power just…..FUCK  
why is it that all the outcomes are awkward?"  
naruto took a taijutsu stand similar to neji's  
neji was clearly angry at the mimic and also took his stance  
"continue where we took off last time?" naruto asked and motioned for neji to come with his index finger  
"I'll show YOU" neji rushed at naruto and they engaged in a battle of who gets to hit who  
"hehe…I made you come with one finger…imagine what I can do with all ten!" naruto made fun of neji as he dodged every hit and didn't even bother hitting neji as he flailed his arms around  
"DAMN you…" neji went for naruto's chest but he just sidestepped and neji smirked  
**'oh shit'  
**'with hair on it…eww'  
"KAITEN"  
neji started spinning and soon he was in a sphere of chakra that looked as if a rasengan was covering him  
naruto got caught by surprise and was thrown by the jutsu into the arena wall  
he made a sick noise as he hit it, something clearly broken but no worries  
author has granted him super healing abilities!  
"say.." naruto got up and spat blood  
"Isn't that kinda advanced for a genin?...not to mention a branch member?" and naruto looked over to hiashi  
hiashi was fuming red  
he knew the hyuuga elders were against him and wanted him off as the head of the hyuuga because he didn't push the heir, hinata, in training hard enough  
"don't look away in a match" neji said as he appeared in front of naruto  
"oh shit…with hair of course" naruto held back a smirk from his new catch-phrase  
"hmph…now you will taste true pain  
EIGHT TRIGRAMS SIXTY FOUR PALMS"  
naruto was showered by charged palm thrusts and the last one sent him flying back into his hole in the wall, making it bigger  
"hmph…you deadlast were meant to lose since creation…instructor…call the match"  
now guy was considering asking the hokage to take neji off his team  
"what…did you just call me?" naruto muttered for neji to hear as he got up and rubble fell off him  
"I called you a dead last….what?  
don't tell me you feel insulted by being called what you are  
and what can you do anyway?  
I hit all of your tenketsu points  
you're probably barely standing"  
naruto wiped the blood off his mouth  
"you're right…I think I've had it with foreplays"  
naruto tried concentrating his chakra  
"hmph…I told you its USELESS" neji shouted with anger  
"ggrrrrRRRRAAAAAAAHHHHH" naruto's growl changed to a roar as a wave of chakra blasted off him  
"h..how?..IMPOSSIBLE!"  
"time for this dead last to kick your ASS INSIDE OUT" naruto concentrated chakra into his feet and disappeared from sight  
"fuc-" naruto planted his knee in neji's face before he could say the golden word…which can be noun adjective command heck EVERYTHING !  
neji flew back a good two meters before regaining his balance  
"you cannot change your destiny…you WILL LOSE" neji concentrated all his chakra into his right arm and it turned into a tiger's head  
**'pretty sweet move…not to mention for a hyuuga'  
**"heh…lets do this" naruto concentrated on his right arm and chakra covered it  
soon after, a deep blue rasengan formed in it and many of the audience gasped and murmured  
"the yondaime's special jutsu?"  
"how does the demon have it?" and so on  
"say…hokage-sama…how is it that your deadlast jinchuriki can stand up to a genius such as the hyuuga as I've heard so much of their power and can even perform an A rank jutsu single handedly?" the quote KAZEKAGE unquote asked  
"you see…he has the will of fire in him kazekage-sama…something you will never understand" hiruzen said with a hidden hint behind it and KAZEKAGE noticed it and nodded  
'shit…he knows' orochimaru thought  
'looks like my pleasant night with sasuke will have to wait'…yes…he did think that but just because he wanted his body…NOT THAT WAY…just…as his vessel…NOT SOMETHING TO PUT HIS THING INTO **FUCK **why is everything turning awkward?  
"hey neji…guess who's gonna French kiss your cousin" naruto said with a smirk  
"OVER MY DEAD BODY" neji rushed at naruto with his charged hyuuga jyuuken ready and aimed at naruto  
"ah fuck this" naruto stood his ground and clashed his rasengan with neji's tiger-thrust  
surprisingly enough, his rasengan disappeared a moment before its clash with neji's move  
"what dafu-"  
"GRAAH" neji thrusted his move into naruto's chest and naruto went flying next to his hole and this time, his clash with the wall created cracks two meters long  
neji watched as naruto fell limply on the floor, not even breathing  
after a moment of silence, the crowd cheered so loudly, the stadium was shaking  
"it seems you didn't notice…that the animal form around my arm kills all tenketsu points that come in contact with it…hpmh" neji said the catchphrase everyone knows and loves even though he was sweating and panting like a pig in action  
"I told you…deadlasts always-"neji also fell to the ground from exhaustion but was still conscious  
"lose"  
"very well" guy examined naruto from afar and still no motion to show any signs of life  
aside from the cheering crowd, a few were worried about naruto's condition (I'm excluding sakura from this group)  
some were sobbing and some still clinging to their last hopes  
kazekage snickered at the scene and sarutobi's blood boiled  
"looks like the will of fire has been put out"  
sarutobi just looked at naruto  
'what's wrong with you boy?...or are you still playing around'  
guy held his hand up as a sign for the crowd to remain silent for his decision  
"the winner of this match…"  
he lowered his hand and pointed at neji  
"hyuuga ne-"  
a loud gasp was heard from naruto's position and naruto breathed as if he had almost drowned  
"FUCKING SUNOVA BITCH  
YOU KNOW HOW MUCH IT HURTS TO HAVE YOUR HEART ALMOST DISABLED?" naruto roared angrily as he managed to get back on his feet  
neji looked at naruto as if he found out neutrino actually exists  
"how…HOW?" neji roared and also managed to get up  
"hehe…you see my dear friend  
we have eight chakra gates-"  
"I KNOW what they are-"  
"SHUT YOUR MOUTH FAGGOT  
THIS IS MY MOMENT" naruto coughed a bit and continued  
"chakra gates are basically tenketsu points but they're the biggest in the body  
well…train hard enough and you'll open all of them  
train to DEATH and you can manipulate every single tenketsu point in your body…only thing that bites balls is how much stamina it drains" naruto looked at the author and bowed for giving him gigantic stamina and author just sipped his coffee in satisfaction  
"heh…you're bluffing" neji took his stance and activated his gift yet again  
"then how do you think I moved my arm the first time?"

"yes now BRING IT YOU LITTLE EGOISTIC SHIT" naruto summoned his sword from his head-band on his thigh but did not un-sheath it  
neji rushed at naruto with intent to kill but before he knew it, the air had left his lungs  
another naruto was behind him and had seemingly hit his pressure point  
"oh…" he re-sealed his blade  
"almost forgot about you"  
"ouch  
very hurt" the clone said and disappeared in a puff of smoke  
everyone were just in silence but mostly of awe  
"winner  
naruto uzumaki" guy said without checking on his pupil  
"YEEAAAAhhhh okay" naruto's shout died since everyone were still silent  
a few seconds later, more than half of the stadium roared in joy at the amazing battle of genins and author notes to the dear readers that they were not from konoha  
konoha civilians on the other hand were just cursing their luck for losing their bet and naruto for….well…being naruto  
hiashi just smirked in satisfaction at the fuming elders and hanabi stared at his father's smirk  
'naruto's making dad smile in a weird way…is that a good thing?'  
naruto was taken aback by the cheer from the crowd  
**'congratz bro  
you can officially get laid with any girl you want for a week…unless she knows the size of your thing'  
**'yeah…to be honest though…it would've been a bit hard if I hadn't found tsunade and trained with her for the past month…shit…my ribs still hurt when she caught YOU peeking and thought it was me'  
**'hahaha…err…yeah…sorry about that'  
**'no you're not'  
**'right…MOVING ON'  
**naruto waved at the crowd with his brightest smile ever and walked to the contestants sections  
"hmm…something you said about the will of fire lord kazekage?" sarutobi asked with a grin that split his face and made orochimaru twitch in fear  
"ah…no but…your mouth is-"  
"let us move on the next match"  
"yes hokage-sama"  
'shit…that was creepy…and I AM creepy' orochimaru thought in fear of how he just saw his sensei

Finito dear readers  
and yes dear reviewer  
I WILL put a good amount of my time on tayuya and I have to say…have we met?  
cuzz I think you're spoiling the story on some points and the readers might not be too happy with that


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter fifteen geniuses  
notice : I could've cliff-hanged you all but…I guess I'd rather write 3000+ words and not let you down  
ROLL v-v/) :

**SOMEWHERE ALONG THE WALLS OF KONOHA**

A group of sound ninja were creeping around the walls  
some were looking around and some were drawing seals on the walls  
"hurry up already before someone sees us" the seemingly commander ordered the artists  
"just a minute"  
a few minutes later, they finished drawing explosive seals but there was a play-boy graffiti but instead of a bunny, there was a snake with sunglasses in a tux  
"…okay who did that?...fuck this you're not gonna answer so let's get outta here"  
the ninja platoon disappeared without a trace behind….NOT  
you'd be blind not to see that awesome graffiti !

**STADIUM**

"now…second match of today  
sasuke vs kankuro  
will the two contestants please come to the arena?"  
sasuke was nowhere to be seen and neither was kakashi  
"hmm…why don't we postpone this match until the uchiha arrives eh hokage-sama?"  
"kazekage-sama…you seem to favor sasuke very much…why didn't you offer to postpone naruto's match?"  
the kazekage just turned his head and looked at the arena  
'damn you old man'  
"I give up"  
everyone looked for the source of the voice and saw kankuro with his hand raised  
'I should save it for the invasion'  
"well…than the winner of this match  
uchiha sasuke"  
half of the stadium, which would be konoha cheered and roared in joy  
"okay…will shino aburame and temari of the sand please come to the arena?"  
"good luck" naruto waved at temari  
gaara's sand started creeping toward naruto  
"…nevermind" naruto stepped back a few feets from gaara's sand  
as temari arrived at the arena, shino was already waiting  
**'okay…when dafuq did he get there?  
I didn't even fucking see him in the contestants section'  
**temari wielded her fan and shino just adjusted his glasses  
"ready?...FIGHT"  
temari quickly swung her fan at shino and a blow of cutting wind flew at him  
as the wind hit shino, he turned into a swarm of bugs and disappeared  
"clone?"  
"behind you"  
she felt a kunai on her neck and knew it was the end  
"you're a wind user….a middle to long range fighter"  
**'damn…he sure talked a lot today'  
**shino was standing behind temari with a kunai in his hand, pointed at her neck and ready to paralyze her  
'shit…I didn't even have enough time to make a clone'  
"winner  
shino of the leaf"  
the crowd cheered for the winner and anyone from konoha roared in joy  
the contestants returned to their section  
naruto hugged temari out of nowhere which took her by surprise  
'where did he come from?'  
"Its allright tema-chan…just cry your heart out"  
as he was caressing her with his words, he slowly lowered his hand and groped her ass  
she reacted by kicking him in the nuts  
"GUAH…_cough"  
_naruto was panting for air and temari, who at first got worried at how naruto's eyes filled with blood, ignored it and sat next to kankuro and gaara  
gaara was still looking at naruto  
"umm…gaara-kun"  
"he's dead" gaara stated with finality  
naruto got up after catching his breath and leaned on the rails  
"gawd…what did I do to deserve that?"  
_"you groped her!"  
_naruto's head turned around 360 degrees to look for the source but nothing  
'squirrel?'  
**'in a fucking stadium?'**  
"now…will the next contestants….naruto uzumaki and sasuke uchiha come to the arena?"  
naruto jumped to the arena from where he was in a heartbeat  
he landed swiftly on the arena floor and there was something about him that made everyone curious and some scared  
naruto wore a cold demeanor  
it wasn't his usual bright attitude with jokes  
"naruto-kun…" and hinata fainted (author note : that was not in my script…she fainted due to his idol being really really cool…apologies for the inconvenience)  
"HINATA" kiba grabbed hinata and ran for the hospital  
"what's wrong with naruto-kun?" tenten asked the other girls  
"I don't know" ayame answered  
"beats me" ino gave up  
"I think I do" haku said with her head down  
"you'd think it's their rivalry but in fact-"  
"the gaki hates his guts" zabuza decided to show up in the fanfiction  
"but why?" sakura asked, now curious about the story of naruto  
"well….its not something you'd easily understand  
to be concise...sasuke has what naruto always wanted and worked to the bone for it but sasuke doesn't even appreciate those things"  
naruto was coldly staring at the floor  
"hmm…maybe we should disqualify uchiha for being so late and go to the match of naruto vs shino eh kazekage-sama?"  
"I already know the outcome of that battle hokage-sama  
what I want to see is the last uchiha in action  
we WILL wait" kazekage said with command  
'very well'  
the hokage showed guy five fingers meaning five minutes to disqualification  
the crowd went silent yet again  
sakura was beginning to shake  
"sasuke-kun…"  
but what was on the mind of some people including the hokage was what's wrong with naruto  
they had never seen him like that  
as naruto was staring into space, suddenly his head shot up and he jumped back  
a loud explosion was heard and everyone cheered in advance, knowing it would be their hero who had arrived to slay the demon  
"yo, dobe" sasuke said in his new, black combat attire with his family mark on the back  
"hello naruto-kun" kakashi said with his usual play-boy tone  
but naruto just stared at sasuke  
sakura got to the rails and wanted to shout his idol's name but kakashi appeared next to her and stopped her  
"let me explain" and he took her to his van…..almost joking...some duck stole his van so his day was ruined  
"what's with the looks dobe?  
still trying to look as cool as me?"

sasuke was getting frustrated  
"well then…we'll finish this just like we wanted it"  
sasuke took his clan's taijutsu form and waved for naruto to attack him first  
naruto on the other hand, began making hand seals and his body shimmered  
'WEIGHT SEALS ALL THIS TIME?' was the thought on all ninja's minds while a group of girls from other villages just drooled  
naruto released his breath after the shine went away and took out his blade from its seal  
"come" naruto didn't draw his blade and just held it on his shoulder  
"your LOSS" sasuke ran up to naruto with above chuunin speed and ran around him in circles  
naruto closed his eyes and tilted his head down  
'hmph'  
sasuke rushed at the opportunity and appeared below naruto  
he was going to kick naruto in the chin to send him hovering but naruto just grabbed his leg and threw him at a wall  
he made contact with the concrete and coughed blood  
'FUCK' sasuke's danger senses went haywire  
he got up just in time to dodge a fireball sent from naruto  
"oi" naruto warned sasuke as he appeared behind him and started slashing at sasuke with his katana's sheath  
sasuke took out his kunai and countered naruto's slashes  
'hmph…I guess I'll just have to literally stop you'  
sasuke jumped back and went through handseals  
naruto calmly took out a three pronged kunai from his pocket and threw it toward sasuke  
the kunai grazed sasuke's cheek and sasuke finally finished his jutsu  
"EARTH STYLE : EARTH WALL CAGE"  
a second later, naruto was trapped in a sphere of rock and rubble  
"heh…thanks kakashi…now to finish this…" sasuke summoned his chidori and ran to the sphere expecting naruto to break it at any moment  
"OI" naruto shouted from behind him which turned sasuke's eyes wide as a blu-ray disk  
"WHAT?" sasuke released his jutsu and looked back to see naruto holstering his kunai  
"hi…hiraishin?" kazekage stuttered in amazement  
sarutobi smiled warmly at how much naruto had grown  
"tell ya what…no more games" naruto re-sealed his blade  
"lets do this" naruto took an unusual taijutsu pose with his knees bent, one leg behind him and one leg leaning forward  
his left hand was open and his palm faced sasuke and his other in a fist, lowered to his stomach  
"as you wish…but tell me  
why didn't you use your sword?"  
"well…you weren't worth it" naruto mocked with a cold tone  
"NARUTOOO" sasuke rushed at naruto  
'its time…'  
BOOOOM  
a loud explosion was heard and the gladiators stopped dead in their tracks  
"about time" orochimaru got out of his disguise  
"took the words right out of my mouth" sarutobi also lost his kage robes and was now in his battle suit  
sarutobi noticed walls of transparent violet rise around them  
"never were one to fight fair now were you"

**IN THE STADIUM**

everyone had fallen asleep except for a few well trained ninja like kakashi and sakura  
zabuza ignored the genjutsu and decided to fall asleep….until haku stabbed him with a senbon in the arm  
"FUCKAAAAAH"  
"well…looks like we're being invaded" kakashi took out his sharingan eye blazing for battle and everyone started fighting a sound or sand ninja that engaged them in battle  
sakura was about to get stabbed by a ninja until naruto appeared from above and crushed his skull to the ground with a stomp  
"naruto-kun…"  
"if you were going to be a drag, why did you stay awake?" naruto stated with a bored tone  
"i…i-"  
"enough of this  
sasuke, sakura, shino and I know you're awake shikamaru  
go after the sand genin trio  
they seem to be up to something" kakashi gave them the orders and they followed the sand genin group  
"and naruto…" kakashi glanced at naruto who was cutting any ninja that approached him to pieces  
'what power…'  
"please don't let anything happen to them"  
naruto cleaned the blood off his blade with a quick swing and sheathed it back  
"shit...with hair on it"  
**'you know...that sentence really doesn't suit your cold demeanor bro'  
**'...really?  
it seemed cool when i imagined it...shit...'  
**'plus hair'**

**OUTSIDE THE STADIUM**

The clan leaders were all defending a part of the city and the anbu were doing what they could…until they saw a three headed snake summon appear  
ibiki grimaced at what he saw  
"ibiki-san  
what now?" an anbu member asked  
"…we wait for help"  
"TIME TO BRING DOWN THE HOUSE MOTHERFUCKERS"  
ibiki's head shot up as he recognized the voice  
a loud explosion sound and a mountain sized frog appeared and crushed the snake with its weight  
"_CROAK"  
_"HAHAHA  
behold  
the man that has no enemy in the north,south,west,east or even the heavens  
the sannin of the frog  
JIRAYA"  
jiraya was in his battle suit that consisted of his head band on his arm  
black turtle neck shirt and a jounin vest with his usual pants only in black  
"now we can't lose" ibiki ordered the anbu to gather a team and evacuate any citizens left to the hokage mountain  
Another explosion to the other side of the village and a giant white slug appeared  
"TSUNADE?" jiraya screamed as if he saw a million naked girls  
"OI  
WHERE'S NARUTO?" she tried to shout from the other side of the village but jiraya couldn't quite understand what she just said  
she sighed and ordered his summon to diverge into smaller pieces and heal any injured konoha ninja and rushed to the stadium  
jiraya also left his frog in charge and followed suit

**SASUKE'S TEAM**

Sasuke and sakura were persuading temari and gaara as shikamaru left to help the village and shino stayed to take care of kankuro  
"ah  
team seven reunites" naruto stated as he tree-jumped along his teammates  
"you're not really needed dobe so beat it"  
"I don't get it"  
"get what?"  
"why THE FUCK are you so full of yourself?  
you're not the strongest bad-ass around and you can't even beat your own teammate who was a deadlast"  
"sasuke-kun probably has his reasons naruto"  
"oh shut it  
what have you done lately?  
you even lost to ino, which I think was kinda pathetic  
she didn't even have your god-i-don't-know-where-you-got-it-from power"

"seriously…try to find a goal and get stronger already  
and for you sasuke…your ego is getting in your way  
I'm only advising you here  
take it or leave it"  
the rest of the trip, the group was silent until naruto sensed a spike  
"WATCH OUT"  
team seven got out of the way in time before the trees where they stood was cut into pieces  
"hot damn…you guys go ahead…I got this" naruto unsheathed his blade and sasuke along with sakura tree-jumped past temari  
"hehe…finally some private time" naruto jumped a tree  
"don't move" she opened her fan completely, showing all three moons and threatened to swing it  
"…nope" he jumped again  
"DIE" she released a tornado that cut all in its path  
naruto jumped…well…practically flew ten meters back and left to avoid the tornado  
"WHAT THE FUCK?  
is that how you treat all the boys who hit on you?"  
"well….yeah!" she said with honesty  
"…any survivors?"  
"do you see me with a giant round belly?"  
"heh…well" naruto jumped again toward temari  
"let's see if I can be your first eh?" naruto held his blade above his head and started pumping it with chakra  
the blue light extended from the tip half a meter and naruto sheathed it, now the sheath shining bright blue  
"time to put the books into use…slashing art…" naruto closed his eyes  
temari also finished her handseals and drew blood on her fan  
"I was gonna save this but…somehow I think you'll be worth it"  
she swung the fan and a tornado twice the size of the last one appeared with a weasel in the middle of it  
it held a sickle and had a bandage over its eye  
naruto opened his eyes and slashed his sword at nothing "judgement cut"  
the tornado was still approaching naruto…until the weasel was cut in half and even the tree temari was standing on got cut half  
"WHAT THE-" she started falling  
"KYAAA"  
naruto appeared beneath temari and grabbed her bridal style  
**'holy shit…..HOLY FUCKING SHIT' **kyuubi drooled since he could feel her butt as naruto was holding her butt cheek with one hand and the other, keeping her balance  
"umm…how old are you?"  
"same as you of course idiot" she poked him on the forehead and got off his arms  
"so…when I'm eighteen…and I come for you…will your ass be even bigger?"  
"…." She just looked at him with a smile  
"you know…you looked really cool grabbing me and defeating my best jutsu and all but…you're kinda ruining your image so…" she reached for her pocket  
"okay okay…got it" naruto turned around and wanted to jump but then…turned to temari and walked toward her  
temari, clearly creeped out walked back till she hit a tree  
naruto reached her and put her hand on the tree and next to her head  
she closed her eyes expecting her first kiss  
but to her surprise, she just felt naruto put something in her pocket  
"whenever you're in trouble or needed me…throw that"  
she opened her eyes but naruto was gone  
she took out naruto's gift from her pocket  
it was a strange three pronged kunai

**IN THE STADIUM**

Jiraya and Tsunade arrived outside the violet barrier to see their mentor in combat with the shodaime and nidaime while orochimaru was licking himself, looking at sasuke's nin-card (author apologizes to the disgusted readers)  
"report" jiraya ordered the four anbus standing next to the wall  
"the sandaime is currently engaged in battle with orochimaru of the snake and shodaime-sama and nidaime-sama"  
"NO SHIT SHERLOCK !  
I mean what happened before all this?"  
"does it matter?" tsunade said with anger  
"we need to help the old-man" tsunade got ready to rush at the barrier and wanted to punch through it  
"WAIT LADY TSUNADE" the anbu commander shouted  
"one of our men came in contact with it and he was roasted alive"  
"shit…so all we can do is watch…" tsunade gripped her fists tightly  
"naruto…if only you were here" she held her necklace and closed her eyes  
'what happened with them?' jiraya got curious  
"oi anbu…get dafuq outta here and help the village  
we got this"  
"hai" and they left  
"so…care telling me how you know naruto?" jiraya asked with his play-boy tone  
"long-story jiraya  
to make it short…he found me  
I made a bet with him and lost...in return i trained him for the chuunin exams"  
"and the bet was?"  
"I said I can take him down with just one finger"  
"sigh…I think you underestimated him too huh?"  
"yep…but I'm glad…my godson is so fucking strong and handsome" she blushed  
jiraya just glared at her than at orochimaru, touching himself in weird places like his armpit or shoulder blade  
'I'm gonna hit that guy with something REALLY heavy'

**BACK WITH NARUTO**

"AAAACCHHHHOOOOO" naruto was blown a meter back by the sneeze  
**'YO…dafuq was that?  
it looked like a canon'  
**'someone must REALLY hate me right now'  
**'hmm…I wonder if tsunade arrived and told jiraya how you guys met'  
**'…'  
**'….nah  
I mean look at the odds  
why would she even be here?'  
**'exactly…hey…I sense our bro!' naruto grinned from ear to ear  
naruto chakra-jumped from his tree-branch, breaking it from the pressure and flew up a good ten meters and spotted a battlefield twenty meters away  
sakura was stuck in an arm like grip of sand to a tree and was unconscious  
'must've pissed gaara off'  
sasuke had tattoo all over him and had his chidori ready  
'must've screamed his name before being knocked out'  
gaara looked like shit!  
he had half-transformed into his demon self and only his legs were normal  
'dammit…I'm late'  
"shadow clone"  
two clones appeared under naruto and grabbed his feet  
"careful"  
the clones threw naruto with all they had  
"MOTHAFUCKAAAAAAAAAAAA" naruto crashed into a tree next to gaara  
sasuke glared at naruto  
"dobe…what do you think you're doing?"  
"**YOU" **gaara screamed in his demonic voice  
naruto got up and leaned on the tree  
"oh don't mind me  
when you knock sasuke out, I have a word with you gaara-kun" naruto grinned  
"what are-" sasuke's eyes closed as he fell from the tree he was standing on  
'hmm…chakra exhaustion…gotta love it'  
("no need to thank me bro" author sips his hot chocolate)  
**"hehehe….YOUR TURN NARUTO"  
**"just one moment" naruto halted gaara as he was about to swing his arm at him  
"come out kyuu"  
**"kyuu?"  
**"ROOOAA**AAAARRRR" **naruto shouted at the top of his lungs as red chakra enveloped him and a chakra cloak with long ears and two tails appeared around him  
**"WUZZZZUUUUU"  
"….uzumaki….WHAT ARE YOU?"  
"I'm the same as you idiot  
WE…are called jinchuriki….a vessel if you will"  
"a vessel for what?"  
"for sealing the bijuu  
you have the one tailed raccoon in you  
I have the nine tailed fox inside me"  
"then why…WHY DO YOU NOT KILL LIKE I DO?"  
"because-" **naruto disappeared and showed up next to gaara with his arm on his shoulder  
**"I have a plan  
you kill to find your existence in this world don't you?"  
**the sand on gaara's body fell and he turned normal again  
"how do you know?"  
naruto's chakra also disappeared  
"because..you were mistreated too right?  
but unlike you, whom everyone knows your father is the kazekage, no one knows my father is the yondaime and treat me like shit  
you can kill them and get away with it while I can't even fight back...they'll say i'm possessed or some shit like that"  
gaara's eyes widened at naruto's situation  
after he swallowed the facts naruto gave him, he looked down  
"but…you didn't have someone you love like your mother want to assassinate you"  
"mother huh?  
my mom's family, the uzumaki also came from a clan that was a master of seals  
they told me she died while giving birth but kurama told me its bullshit and she helped my dad seal kyuubi in me  
and no I didn't have someone I love like my mom want to assassinate me…because basically anyone I trusted as a child betrayed me in the end  
I was SHIT in this village gaara  
no one even wanted to sell food to me"  
"…how do you get along with this fact?"  
"…I have-" naruto created a clone similar to him but only more animal like  
"my brother with me"  
**"wuzzuuup?  
I'm the kyuubi  
nice to meet you in person gaara  
mind if I chat with my long lost one tailed friend?" **kyuubi held his hand forward for a shake  
gaara blinked and shook his hand  
"how do you plan to do that?"  
**"I just did" **he let go of gaara's hand  
**"he shouldn't ask for blood anymore and you can sleep tightly"  
**"I have a plan gaara  
interested?" naruto said with a grin  
gaara's lips formed a warm smile which naruto found kinda nice  
"of course bro"  
"well it can wait"  
gaara's smile turned to grimace as he formed sand around naruto's neck  
"okay okay sorry dood"  
gaara released the sand and rubbed his eyes  
"are you always like this?"  
**"you'll get used to it  
now…that plan we spoke of"**

**TOP OF THE STADIUM**

"AAARRGH  
MY ARMS" orochimaru screamed in agony as his arms turned to stone  
"GIVE ME BACK MY ARMS"  
"never…" sarutobi said with a low voice, clearly his last moments  
"you shall…never fap….on little children…again" and he fell limply  
the barrier started disappearing and orochimaru's goons came to his rescue  
"konoha WILL FALL" he shouted as he fled  
tsunade and jiraya rushed to their mentor in his last moments  
"old-man" jiraya said with a lump in his throat  
"sarutobi-sensei" tsunade started crying  
sarutobi handed jiraya a piece of paper and…well…died for real !  
"it says…tsunade will take my place" jiraya read aloud

author facepalms  
author decides to skip the rest of the scene as some people might get disgusted for imagining a hot babe beat up an old man's corpse

**A MONTH LATER**

It was a month after the sand-sound invasion on konoha  
apparently, the sound had killed the sand's kazekage and betrayed them so they formed an alliance with the leaf  
the leaf was on its way to recovery and was no longer the great nation it used to be  
it was decided that tsunade will be the godaime hokage due to sandaime's will  
it was another peaceful day in the newly rebuilt konoha…until two figues in cloaks designed with red clouds on it approached the apparently-not-even-scratched-gates of konoha

"feeling nostalgic?"

"guess not"  
"..."

* * *

gawd my fingers hurt  
merry Xmas in advance geniuses  
freddy mercury out /)

* * *

oh yeah  
i'm publishing this story on 20th of december  
if the world ends tomorrow...thanks for still reading :D


	16. Chapter 16

3456789876543456  
if you bothered looking at that number...hold the alt button and press F4 because you don't belong here  
ROLL v-v/) :

* * *

**ALONG THE STREETS OF SUNSHINE AND LOLLYPOP**

Naruto was lazily walking around the streets with the author  
they were in a heated argument about what to do next in the story when naruto sensed a stare  
"g'luck" and the author shunshined out of the screenplay  
"hmm…I think it's time" naruto also shunsined away  
a few meters away in a dango shop sat the two cloaked, mysterious figures that no one knew….NO ONE  
"keh…that gaki sure is fast"  
"…not fast enough…I've seen virgins run faster"  
"…and you've seen that how?"  
"….." the shorter figure stood up and got out with the longer figure following him shortly after paying and thanking the dango-shop owner…which the author thinks that its quite polite and claps for him

**THE FLOWER SHOP…its interesting how some people read that as 'DE-flower shop'**

"naruto-kun" ino huggle-tackled naruto as he entered in a heartbeat  
"hehey" naruto hugged her back  
"you been training?  
I couldn't even sense you" he grinned and shuffled her hair  
"yup" she smiled like a little kid who just got an A+  
"well…I brought you a gift ino-chan"  
"really?"  
naruto took out a three pronged kunai and gave it to her  
she frowned at first….but naruto also took out a box of chocolate from his seal and gave it to her  
"awww thank you naruto" she kissed his cheek  
"I wish I could thank you back…" she pouted  
"nah…no need to  
I'll make sure you'll pay one day my dear" and he groped her butt cheek before kissing her face cheek and leaving the shop  
"oh?  
there's a letter on the kunai…"

**THE WEAPON SHOP**

Naruto got in the shop and saw tenten's father behind the counter  
naruto groaned in frustration when tenten's dad told him she's on a mission  
he gave him the kunai and a letter plus a box of polishing equipment

**HAKU'S HOUSE**

Naruto knocked a few times but since there was no answer, he guessed she must be out too  
he put the kunai and letter in her mail box plus a plush toy of a white rabbit….author's heart just melted to pudding  
"three more to go to"

**HOKAGE MANSION**

Naruto kicked the door down as always and bustled in to see the three fossils he saw last time and this time, danzo was glaring at the hokage in a dangerous way  
"oh naruto  
don't mind them, they were just leaving"  
and with mumbles, they started leaving  
when danzo was about to go past naruto, he grabbed the old man's arm and dangerously whispered  
"watch your tongue in front of the hokage you old fossil….you may have control over civilian matters but the hokage's call is absolute" and he let go  
"insolent dem-"  
"GET OUT" tsunade screamed  
and danzo left after a glaring match with naruto  
"gawd I love it when I piss those guys off" naruto grinned like the Cheshire  
"you and me both gaki  
so what made you visit this old hag?" she rubbed her forehead as she sipped from her bottle  
"awww come here you" naruto hugged tsunade and massaged her shoulders  
"aahhh…this is heaven" she moaned  
"okay…kinda getting a hard-on now" naruto backed away  
naruto put his three pronged kunai with a letter on her table and also put a box next to it  
"…what is this?"  
"oh this?  
it's a bottle of the finest from the saki country"  
"really?" her eyes widened  
"yup  
bai now" and he disappeared

**THE HYUUGA MANSION**

Naruto fell in front of the gates and asked for an audience with hiashi  
the guards told him he was currently in a meeting with the elders  
"so…can I talk to hinata before I meet hiashi-sama?"  
"sure"  
naruto walked around the mansion…lost clearly  
'dude…a little help?'  
**'SNIFFFFF…I SMELL….TWO virgins?  
there is one right in front of you and one on the door to your right'  
**naruto reached for the door and as he opened it, a figure jumped at him….and hugged him  
"happy birthday father"  
"…" naruto, clearly creeped out by being called a father tapped the figure's shoulder  
as the figure let go, the little girl turned red when she noticed it wasn't her dad she hugged  
"WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING YOU PERVERT?"  
"…well thanks for the complement but WHAT?  
YOU JUMPED ME LITTLE GIRL"  
the author struggles with pedobear  
(please let me have her)  
(NEVER)  
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN I JUMPED YOU?  
YOU'RE…you're…I HATE YOU" she ran inside her room and almost broke the door when she closed it with force  
"…who was that?..."  
"hanabi" a stern voice we all love came from behind  
"oh hiashi-sama" naruto quickly bowed  
"i-"  
"I know…I saw it happen  
is there a reason you saved me from that meeting?"  
"yes  
I wanted to see hinata…her condition-"  
"is all better thanks to tsunade-sama"  
"okay….that's good to hear  
can you give her this?"  
naruto gave hiashi the kunai, a letter and a plush toy of a fox  
"…mm…cute"  
naruto stepped back  
"what did you just say?"  
"I said-"  
"don't say that word…ever…again"  
"why not?"  
naruto just glared at the stern man  
"is neji around?"  
"on a mission"  
"then I must leave quickly before I get raped"  
and naruto disappeared  
"hmm…"  
hiashi reached for her daughter's door and opened it  
"no surprise hug for daddy?"  
hanabi hugged her daddy and cried out loud  
"daddy…sniff…a boy tried to rape me"  
author facepalms  
pedobear uses chance and runs for the girl  
"JYUUKEN"  
hiashi hits pedobear with a gentle fist and knocks him out  
author confused at how a bear has freaking tenketsu points

**THE GOOD OL RAMEN SHOP**

"one bowl of pork meat old man"  
"coming up"  
"hello naruto-kun" ayame waved from behind the counter  
"hey ayame-chan  
I have a gift for you" naruto smiled  
"really?" she grinned  
naruto gave him the kunai with its letter and a piece of paper  
"what is this?"  
"a new recipie for making ramen  
can you learn and make it for me?" he used the puppy eyes jutsu  
"awww of course naruto"  
"ramen's ready boy" teuchi put the bowl in front of naruto  
after a few minutes of naruto, slowly savoring his ramen, jiraya appeared  
"ready boy?"  
"…" and they both disappeared before ayame could ask what was going on

**KONOHA GATES**

Naruto and jiraya walked towards the gate, a fuming tsunade already waiting for them  
"ah shit…if she beats me up again…I don't think I'll survive"  
**'shit that was tough'  
**'you should talk moron…HOW COULD YOU GET CAUGHT?'  
**'I already apologized man'  
**"naruto…jiraya…what is the meaning of this?"  
"…ummm…you see hime…naruto will explain"  
author facepalmed  
"thanks a lot…GODFATHER"  
author rips his stomach out with his yamato in shame  
"you see…think of it as…a vacation for me kaa-chan"  
tsunade's angry demeanor was destroyed when naruto said the magic words  
"naruto…i.."  
"can see me whenever you want right?" naruto smiled  
"can you please not leave the village for my sake?"  
"…I'm sorry" naruto's head fell in defeat  
tsunade hugged and kinda suffocated naruto  
it was kinda hard for naruto to breathe with tsunade's breasts in his face  
jiraya's fist cracked in anger and author adjusted his glasses  
(…moe) author wipes drool  
"take care of my boy okay jiraya?" tsunade ordered as she let go  
"sure….sure I will" jiraya smiled…  
"take care of yourself okay naruto?"  
"I will I will…see ya anytime you want" naruto waved as he left the gates

**FORESTS OF KONOHA – A FEW MILES AWAY FROM KONOHA**

"naruto…where do you want me to escort you?"  
"hmm…huh?" naruto was spacing out until jiraya called him  
"you said you wanted me to take you somewhere  
well…where is it?"  
"oh that…here should be just fine"  
"huh?"  
naruto turned on his heels and drew his blade  
"I needed your help with these guys…their chakra signatures are waaaay too much for me to handle"  
the red-cloud cloak figures with wide hats that covered their faces came out of the woods and approached them  
"the akatsuki…"  
"the what?"  
"…I see you have heard of us" the shorter one stated"  
"well I have my fans and spy networks"  
"what the?...WHO ARE YOU?" naruto shouted  
as they took off their hats, naruto identified both of them  
"both S rank missing nin huh?"  
'bro…this might be a little too hard for us'  
**'a little?  
are you fucking with me right now?'  
**'well…'  
**'THAT BLUE SKIN GUY'S CHAKRA IS ABOUT AS MUCH AS A BIJUU'S AND THAT'S THE INFAMOUS ITACHI UCHIHA'  
**'YEAH dude I know you didn't have ta shout at me'  
"naruto…I'll take on the uchiha  
you have a sword so take care of the swordsman"  
"shitty plan ero-sennin…let's do this"  
naruto rushed at the swordsman and if his sword wasn't pumped full of chakra, the swordsman's swing would've broke it  
"FUCKAAAH" naruto jumped back  
"DO YOU KNOW WHOSE SWORD THIS IS?"  
"kihihi…do you know whose sword THIS is?" he took the bandages off his broadsword to show that it had a mouth at the top of the sword and sharp black spikes all around it  
"I don't but….i've seen enough hentai to know where this is going"  
**'AWWW YEAAAH'  
**"DAMN YOU BRAT  
THIS IS THE LAST MIZUKAGE'S BLADE"  
"so?  
this…" naruto filled his sword with demonic chakra and it got set on fire  
"is masamune…blade of the GREATEST NINJA THAT EVER SET FOOT ON THIS PLANET" naruto attacked the swordsman with his blazing katana and with each clash of their blades, the flames settled a little  
"dammit…what's going on?"  
"gigigigigi" the voice came out of the blade  
**'…ask him if his sword just had an orgasm'  
**"dude…did your sword just have an orgasm?"  
"DAMN YOU, YOU INSOLENT BRAT" and he started going through handseals  
"fuckah…" naruto released all his seals and ran at the blue man  
"water style…WATER SHARK JUTSU"  
as the man swinged his blade, three shark shaped water balls flew at naruto  
"WHAT THE FU-" naruto was hit in the face, gut and chest by each water ball  
**'this is getting serious naruto…he created water from the humidity in the air…only hokage level ninjas like your village's nidaime were able to do such a thing'  
**'fuck this…i…CANNOT LOSE'  
naruto got up and summoned his chakra cloak  
'kihihi…don't you know that the more chakra you use, the more my blade will feed on it?  
naruto held his arm up and a fox's head appeared on it  
"LETS SEE HOW YOU LIKE THIS MOTHAFUCKAAAH"  
naruto shot a sphere of fire the size of a soccer ball at him  
"keh…that's it?" kisame slashed at the fireball with his sword and to his surprise, it engulfed him in a column of fire  
"GRAAAAAA"  
"hehe…WHAT?" naruto shouted as the water clone evaporated  
"not bad…that wasn't a fireball was it?"  
"grrr…"

**JIRAYA AND ITACHI'S BATTLE**

Jiraya was a mess  
he had kunai on his arms and thigh and was raggedly breathing  
itachi on the other hand didn't seemed to have moved at all  
'dammit…I can't look him in the eye or I will fall into his genjutsu…I can't track him by his feet either…we need to leave'  
jiraya summoned a toad and whispered in his ear  
"tell pa to summon me and naruto over"  
"_croak"  
_"…have you forgotten me?" itachi appeared behind jiraya and kicked him in the side  
"keh…this isn't over….NARUTO"

**WITH NARUTO AND BLUE MICK JAGGER (author's forehead bleeds)**

Naruto had bruises all over him and was frustrated to no end  
'DAMMIT…'  
"NARUTO"  
naruto looked at jiraya and a second later, everything went black

**FEW HOURS LATER in which the author tries to make the grumpy cat smile…and fails**

'**oh naru-kuuun'  
**'just a few more minutes love'  
**'GET YO FFFFUKIN ASS UP BITCH'  
**"GYAAAAH" naruto jumped and hit his head in the ceiling  
"yeow…dafuq?"  
naruto looked around in the new environment he was in and noticed he was in a hut with a single bed  
he got out to find himself in Disneyland….yes I'm kidding I wouldn't torture the poor soul like that!  
"finally decided to get up gaki?" jiraya's all too familiar voice and tone made naruto grumble curses  
"just tell me what happened"  
"well…I had pa reverse summon us over to my home"  
'reverse summon eh?...sounds like a useful little thing to have'  
"c'mon  
let's go meet my parents"  
naruto followed jiraya and couldn't help but notice frogs all around him  
some were normal size, some were as big as naruto….than there were some the size of a mountain  
"here we are" jiraya knocked on a very small hut's door  
"maaaa  
paaaa  
come out and meet my faggot-ish pupil"  
naruto reached for his shuriken but the door opened and two small but clearly old frogs came out  
one with a goatee beard and one with….something on its head  
author fails to understand if it's a hat or a wig  
"wait…you're a frog and you have a fucking beard?"  
"problem with that brat?"  
"now now you two  
come inside and join us for lunch" the other frog kindly invited  
naruto and jiraya crouched and went into the hut  
"bon apetite"  
she put two bowls of fat juicy insects in front of naruto and jiraya  
jiraya dug in and naruto just stared  
"I knew you weren't human  
to top it off, your mom and dad were frogs"  
"shuff uf hahi"  
jiraya got hit in the head with a mace from the mother  
"no talking with your mouth full dear"  
naruto grimaced at the blood fountain on jiraya's head  
"oh?  
you don't like my cooking?" she dragged her mace on the ground and naruto got the message

**NEXT DAY**

jiraya,his dad and naruto arrived at a vast plane with grass everywhere and blue sky inviting them to a nap  
**'hmm…not a bad place to film soft-cores if I do say so myself' **kyuubi adjusts his glasses**  
**naruto was in a white shirt and blue baggy shorts and he, for once, looked innocent, childish and fourteen  
pedobear appears behind author's chair**  
**"okay gaki  
first thing we do today is physical training  
than-"  
"we can skip the basics paa  
he's good enough"  
"okay….we'll show you some useful techniques and train you harder...but for now….sage mode it is"  
"sage mode?"  
"jiraya…please demonstrate"  
jiraya sat down indian style and concentrated  
a few minutes later and his features began changing  
the red line under his eyes got longer  
his nose also got bigger and his eyes had a yellow horizontal line in them  
"shit…and I thought you looked bad before  
you look like kyuubi when we go to women's bath and it's full of old hags"  
kyuubi clawed the iron bars of his seal dangerously  
"GAKI" jiraya roared  
"watch it naruto  
he's twice as much powerful so he might just lose control and kill you  
but yes you're right…he doesn't have the sage mode completely down and still has some froggy features on his face  
"so…can you catch a fly with your tongue now ero-sennin?"  
"GAKIIIIIIIIIIIIII" jiraya punched naruto and to his surprise, it hurt like hell  
naruto felt his insides squirm in pain  
"FUCKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAH"  
the elderly frog rubbed his eyes and croaked  
"what sin did I commit?...  
naruto…I understand you have the fox sealed inside you correct?"  
"cough…yeah…so?"  
"well…if your tenketsu are too combined than you can't draw natural energy to yourself and turn into a sage"  
naruto turned to stone  
**'relax gaki…I have a plan  
he didn't say we can't draw DEMON chakra'**  
'hehehe…'  
"I have a favor to ask ero-sennin"  
"at least ask it with respect brat"  
"I'm gonna do something with the seal but…I need you to back me up if it fails"  
jiraya thought about it for a few minutes  
"hmm…if you die…it will be quite a merit…ALLRIGHT"  
naruto went back into his mindscape

**NARUTO'S MINDSCAPE**

Naruto appeared behind the bars and high-fived his mentor  
"sup bro?"  
**"the usual…ready?"  
**"fuck this" naruto put his hand on the seal  
**"WAIT…you know that if you release me…you will have my chakra in you but your power will most likely be halved right?"  
**"so?"  
**"why are you doing this?"  
**"….when i kick ass….i don't want them to go saying I did it with the demon's help  
and I also don't want the akatsuki to get you through me"  
naruto and kyuubi fell silent….until naruto fucked the seal up!  
"FUCKAAAAAAA**AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH"  
**both of them screamed in pain and fell down

**SIX PAINFUL MONTHS LATER FOR BOTH NARUTO AND JIRAYA**

After six months of physical training, naruto was now back to the status he used to be but a bit stronger  
the group were at home playing poker with the author  
Author lost to naruto and jiraya in poker  
now author must eat a bowl of maa's centipedes  
"do I have to?"  
"YES"  
**"I double that motion" **kyuubi patted author's back  
kyuubi was in a black vest with nothing under it and showed off his muscles  
he also had black combat pants and behind his vest was a fox insignia  
he had red slitted eyes and black hair  
and some scars on his face showed his experiences through time  
"…." Author adjusts his glasses  
"here's the steamed centipedes you wanted dear"  
"ah shit"  
naruto suddenly tensed  
"…moe?" author's head turned  
"eat that shit first faggot  
I'll go after you're done" naruto grinned  
"gah…" author puts a centipede in his mouth  
centipede suddenly comes to life and squirms in author's mouth!  
"HOLY SHIT MAA  
YOU DIDN'T MAKE SURE THEY'RE DEAD?" jiraya screamed and grabbed his stomach in pain from laughter  
**"OH MY GOD I'M NEVER FORGETTING THIS MOMENT" **and kyuubi took a snapshot with his lumix camera  
author spits the centipede and shows kyuubi his magic finger  
"last….fucking time…I appear in this froggy arc"  
"now…HIRAISHIN" naruto disappeared

**HOKAGE MANSION**

Naruto appeared in tsunade's office, his sword drawn and ready for battle  
but all he saw was tsunade sitting comfortably in her chair with sakura and kakashi in the room  
"…" naruto sheathed his sword and strapped it to his back  
a second later, jiraya appeared with his paa on his shoulder  
he noticed the situation too and turned to tsunade  
"what is the meaning of this tsunade?  
we were in the middle of torturing someone"  
(ACHOOO)  
(bless you)  
(thanks pedo)  
(blesh u)  
(thanks dolan)  
"it's about sasuke"  
sakura began shaking and kakashi looked at the floor  
"let me guess" naruto started speaking  
"he left the village for power and you guys need our help?"  
tsunade rubbed her temples, knowing what's coming  
"naruto…please" sakura began crying  
"you called me over to ask me about the rank you want to give him as a nuke-nin right tsunade?" naruto turned to tsunade with a smile of hope  
kakashi stepped forward and tried to lecture the blonde  
"naruto…he's your teammate and-"  
"**NOO  
**YOU can call me a trash for abandoning my teammate or whatever but NO way in hell am I going after that dipshit  
he left of his own will so it's only right by your own laws that you must brand him a traitor  
anything else…and it's called playing favorites"  
jiraya was startled by this  
"no need to blow the roof gaki" paa groaned  
naruto rubbed his eyes  
"can we please go hom-"  
sakura hugged naruto from behind  
"please naruto…you're the only one who can bring him back…sniff…please…I'm begging you"

the room fell deadly silent except for sakura's cries and sounds of her tears falling to the floor  
"really making me look like the bad guy here…..fine…I'll do my best"  
"thank you naruto  
you may leave us now sakura" kakashi ordered and patted naruto's shoulder  
"I knew you wouldn't let us down"  
"I said I'll do my best…it's not like I'll put my life on the line for it"  
"that suffices good enough for me" and kakashi disappeared in a blur  
"so…do tell me what you've been doing these past six months naruto"  
"ahh the usual…jiraya will explain  
I need to go gear up"

**NARUTO'S HOUSE**

Naruto entered his room and he got hit with a brick wall of nostalgia  
he remembered his precious flowers and how hard it was for him to plant them in the jungle  
he also remembered all the good times he and kyuubi had goofed around  
all in all, it brought a smile to his face  
"damn…I'd go see the girls but…I told them in my letter that I won't be back till I'm twenty…which would be another six years…..oh gawd" naruto laid back on his couch

**WITH THE HOKAGE**

"okay…do you think this team is good enough jiraya?"  
"meh…don't really care"  
"….oh joy goody" tsunade facepalmed  
"hehehe…now that we're alone now…"  
jiraya creeped behind tsunade and slipped his hands into her jacket  
"sigh…this isn't the time jiraya"  
"oh come on"  
tsunade almost broke his wrists when she gripped them  
"OWOWOWOWOW"  
Author's anatidaephobia sickness spikes up  
(I sense…ducks in my story)

**WITH NARUTO**

Naruto felt the all too familiar spike from tsunade's kunai again  
"about time"  
naruto was in his black-combat gear and had a mask on his face that covered his obvious whisker marks

**HOKAGE'S OFFICE**

naruto came through the door for once and surprised tsunade to death  
but she got the message when he saw naruto with his mask on  
"everyone…he will assist you in your mission to find sasuke"  
naruto looked around the room and knew everyone in his team  
it was neji,chouji of all people,shikamaru and kiba  
naruto nodded at the godaime and leaned on the wall  
"well…any questions?"  
"yes hokage-sama" shikamaru raised his hand  
"who is this guy?  
and what are his attributes?"  
"he's-"  
"my name is derp" author shoves his yamato into his stomach  
"I'm good at wind jutsus and average at fire jutsus"  
"and physically?"  
"….average"  
tsuande and jiraya glanced at each other  
'dafuq gaki?'  
"dafuq kinda name is derp?" kiba asked and akamaru yelped  
"very well…everyone be at the gate in two hours"

**FIRST HOUR**

Naruto went to his training field and again, was hit by nostalgia  
he remembered his trainings with kurama  
the first time he summoned him in a clone  
he clearly remembered how one time he tried to grow too many tentacles so he could be a hentai monster and got blown away  
he laughed at the times he fell in the cold river  
"damn…I hate this place"

**SECOND HOUR**

He walked through the streets of konoha and this time, people only looked at him in confusion since he had a mask on and no head-band with a sign of any villages  
he walked past ino's place, the dango shop where zabuza was arguing with anko about something stupid  
the weapon shop, the ramen shop…and as he was heading for the gates, he saw haku with a boy  
he had long black hair with blue eyes but not as light as naruto's and wore chuunin outfit  
for a moment he felt like his chest weighed a ton as they went past him and didn't notice him…until he had the evilest plan yet come to his mind  
he carefully got in a sweet sweet position on the roofs and took many many pictures of haku laughing with his boyfriend with his canon camera  
"**guhuhuhu…**shit…I haven't peeked in six months!...aww man…I don't have time to do it now either"

**THE GATES**

Naruto arrived at the gates as everyone was waiting for him and saw one person he didn't want to  
sakura  
'HOLY…..MOTHER OF ALL FAGGOTS…FUCKING….**SHIT**'  
naruto facepalmed  
'she's so gonna ruin my cover'  
"not to worry boy" tsunade patted his shoulder and naruto took a breath of relief  
naruto watched as tsunade went over and sakura went away a few minutes later  
"okay team, this will be…"  
naruto didn't bother listening and just looked at shikamaru's crappy drawing  
he was in the right wing of the formation  
"derp…are you listening?" neji asked sternly  
naruto just nodded  
"shouldn't you ask the caveman if he understood?" naruto pointed at kiba  
"WHAT?  
of course I did who do you think I am?"  
everyone just glared at him  
kiba sighed in defeat  
"fine…all I know is I'm at the front of the formation"  
"…good enough" shikamaru sighed  
"let's move"

* * *

firstly i'd like to thank all the reviewers even if there are some haters but still thanks for reviewing

Finish…..yes..if you've followed my fictions long enough, you know what happens after a build-up

and this month, my first term exams begin so yeah...well...shouldn't matter since i don't seem to have that many fans...just letting y'all know


	17. Chapter 17

Yes…the storm after a build-up  
chapter XVII geniuses and people who are still reading in hopes for a harem  
oh yeah…the harem thing…the reason I'm not filling my stories with lemon and stuff is cuzz naruto's still FOURTEEN…and a half  
**ROLL** v-v/) :

* * *

**JUNGLES OF KONOHA**

After an hour of tree jumping, naruto got tired and sighed loudly  
"when did everyone notice he's gone?"  
"this morning" neji answered  
"how do you know he went in this direction?"  
"the anbu team traced him this way" chouji  
"and…they're sending out genins for this?"  
"they sent out a jounin team but…seems like they lost contact" kiba said scratching his nose  
"I know what you're saying derp" shikamaru sighed  
"yup…troublesome as fuck" naruto facepalmed  
"_sniff sniff_"  
"...for the record that wasn't me"  
"we're close…really close"

**A FEW METERS FORWARD**

The sound four were playing poker and sasuke was trapped in a barrel  
"royal flush…you lose fatty  
you get to carry that fucking faggot"  
"tayuya…a lady shouldn't-"  
"SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH"  
"still got a foul mouth you stupid bitch?"  
everyone's heads turned to the voice and saw a masked blonde  
he was in black combat gear and had a belt full of scrolls and two pockets on him  
he also had a long katana strapped to his side  
"what do you mean still?" kidomaru the spider-fag got up  
"….wait…when you masturbate…which hand do you use again?"  
"I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU" he rushed at the blonde and they got into a taijutsu match  
"sigh…let's just take the barrel and….DAFUQ?" jirobu yelled  
"looking for this?"  
kiba was holding the barrel and the rest were in front  
naruto on the other hand was still bickering with kidomaru  
"GO FUCK YOURSELF"  
"YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF YOU'RE THE ONE WITH EXTRA ARMS"  
"SHUT UP"  
"SHOVE TWO HANDS UP YOUR ASS  
USE ONE TO MASSAGE YOUR BALLS AND USE ONE TO MASTURBATE YOU LITTLE SHIT"  
"ENOUGH" shikamaru and tayuya screamed  
"….fine" kidomaru went back  
"…faggot" naruto whispered  
"hand over the barrel and we'll let you die easily okay bitches?" sakon said in a low voice  
"…unless she's gonna blow us all than no" naruto crossed his arms  
"you know…your attitude is mighty familiar derp" neji stared  
"YEOW" everyone turned to kiba and saw an arm go through his chest and punch the barrel over to the otherside  
"DAFUQ?"  
"thanks bro" the white haired man grew a lump on his back and grinned  
"eww…I think I just lost my hard-on"  
"…." Everyone glared at him  
"you had a hard-on?" tayuya asked  
"yeah…wanna see?"  
"LET'S MOVE" the sound four minus jirobu began tree jumping toward the sound-konoha borders  
"shit…" naruto reached for a shuriken  
"leave this to me guys" chouji stepped up…..errr…..no not like the movie  
"shikamaru…." Everyone awaited his command  
after a few minutes, shikamaru nodded  
"he can do it"  
everyone nodded and tree jumped, leaving chouji to fight jirobu

**FIFTEEN MINUTES OF TREE JUMPING**

'and we say hell yeah…hell yeah hell yeah…fucking right…fucking right all right…hmm?'  
naruto heard a swoosh  
"RIGHT" kiba shouted  
"FUCKING RIGHT YOU IDIOT" naruto cut the arrow shot at him in half  
"…wait…what?"  
"…nevermind"  
"YOU" spiderman appeared  
"YOU SHOT MY UNCLE DIDN'T YOU?"  
everyone including kidomaru glared at him  
author appears with pedo and dolan  
"apologies…he ran from his cage"  
"NO…NOOOOO" dolan and pedo dragged him away and author blurred away to his chessboard  
"okay….where were we?"  
"the script says I have to fight him" neji rubbed his eyes  
"WHAT?" kidomaru yelled  
"oh well…let's move" shikamaru ordered  
"NOT SO FAST" kidomaru rushed at naruto  
"that's my line" neji hit kidomaru in the shoulder with jyuuken  
the group went after sasuke and neji blocked kidomaru

**THE HOKAGE MANSION**

Tsunade was holding a pen in her hand  
"I should probably call for backup…it's only a team of genins after all…and our jounins couldn't stop them"  
tsunade reached for a scroll and started scribbling on it  
"I'm afraid I can't allow you to do that tsunade-hime"  
"huh?" tsunade glared at the newcomer she couldn't even sense  
he wore a long dark-blue coat with a black t-shirt under it and had dark-blue matching pants  
he held his sword in his hand and didn't strap it to his side  
he had black eyes and spiky black hair that fell on his forehead  
"and you are?"  
he adjusted his glasses  
"…derp"  
tsunade facepalmed  
"naruto already used that name"  
"….sunova bitch  
as I was saying…you will not send that letter  
gaara and naruto are not to meet as of yet"  
"and why not?"  
"for one…naruto will help the others…two…I deem it so"  
"you can deem yourself to a lifetime of prison….ANBU" she shouted and three anbu guards appeared  
"…scum" as the words left derp's mouth, the three anbu's heads fell and so did their bodies  
tsunade jumped at derp and wanted to kill him but he grabbed her and pinned her to a wall  
"you will not…I repeat…WILL NOT disobey me"  
"cough…kiss my ass"  
derp let go and tsunade fell and gasped for air  
"see?  
all's well now…..except for your little…faggot-ish sorry excuse for guards" derp adjusted his glasses  
"cough….who…WHO are you?"  
"I am called many things….derp…author…GODFATHER" he adjusted his glasses and ran a hand through his hair  
"…chuck Norris?"  
"I WISH…_sigh_…that guy's just too awesome  
know what causes the earth to spin?  
chuck's morning jog"  
"so derp…what would happen If I sent this letter?"  
"well for one I'll murder everyone in this village as retribution for you, disobeying me and for another…I'll just kill the messenger hawk and come rape you next"  
"okay fine…."  
"thank you for understanding…and good luck with the paperwork….EXTRA paperwork for the beheaded guards" and he disappeared in a blue blur  
"FUCKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AH"

**BACK WITH THE POWER RANGERS….yeaah**

The teams yet again clashed  
"take care of this tayuya"  
"fucking little shits"  
the leader took the barrel and ran  
kiba and shikamaru ran after him and tayuya wanted to stop them but blocked a sword slash from naruto  
"hehe...time to show you some manners"  
"FUCK YOU" she kicked naruto away and began blowing in her flute  
'hmph…genjutsu huh?...thanks paa…this will be REALLY fun'  
naruto closed his eyes and cleared his head  
"closing your eyes won't do shit faggot"  
"oh really?" naruto opened his eyes and began walking to tayuya  
"WHAT?...HOW?"  
naruto put a hand on her lips and pinned her to a wall  
"you know…you become a real bother sometimes tayuya"  
"mmph" she struggles but naruto held her hand and her single useful hand wasn't enough  
"I'm not gonna rape you…yet…I need to turn twenty first"  
"…mmph?" she used her hand to unmask naruto and gasped  
"oh crap" naruto put his mask back on and crushed her flute in his hand  
"YOU?"  
"you're forbidden to tell anyone about this" naruto commanded  
"am I now?" tattoo marks began covering her body and she entered stage two of her curse  
"…is it me or are your tits and ass bigger now?"  
"FUCKING DIE ALREADY" she rushed at naruto but naruto blocked all her moves  
"boring…" he hit her neck and she fell limply  
"WHAT…did you do to me?"  
"be quiet for one goddamn minute" naruto got down and ripped tayuya's shirt off  
"KYAA…I THOUGHT YOU WEREN'T GOING TO RAPE ME YET"  
"I'm not….nice tits by the way…not too loose and not too firm"  
"thanks…wait….WHAT?"  
"talk again and I'm deep-throating you"  
"…." She just glared  
"good girl" he shuffled her hair and pulled her up  
he put her on his lap and examined her neck  
"…quite a seal you got yourself there"  
"you can't remove it fag so stop trying"  
"_sigh_…didn't I tell you to stay silent?"  
naruto got up and went through hand-seals  
"REVERSE SUMMONING"  
kyuubi appeared….asleep  
naruto kicked him in the ribs  
"**OW…dafuq bro?...sniff…mm…**" he turned around and stared at tayuya's nude body  
"no touching kurama…just take her home and take a look at her seal"  
"**I'll take gooood care of her bro**" kurama lifted her up and drooled at the scene before him  
"hey…can you personally take me to your prison or shit?  
this guy's look might get me pregnant"  
"sigh…I need to go…" naruto put his jacket on tayuya's body and she looked at her with gratefulness  
"see ya when this mission is done bro"  
"**gruhuhu…**"

**THIRTEEN MINUTES LATER**

Naruto arrived to see kiba and his dog all bruised up and kiba's stomach was ripped open  
two white haired horned demons were approaching them  
"hehehe…time to-"  
"SHUT THE FUCK UP" naruto shoved a rasengan down their throats and they exploded  
"I'd throw up but…I don't have a stomach anymore…cough…" kiba fell  
(author adjusts glasses and pets his cat  
"I like him….sort of" grumpy cat purrs but nope…no smile yet)  
"_sigh…_what were they thinking sending you guys out?"  
he drew seals on the tree next to them and teleported to the kage mansion  
he left kiba's limp body there and without a word teleported back  
"kinda getting tired of this" and he ran again

**A FEW METERS AHEAD – A VAST CLEARING**

Naruto reached shikamaru  
he had used his kagemane to stop a white-haired man from taking the barrel  
"shika…"  
"I know…I'm barely holding him with his huge chakra level"  
"get out of here….go after neji and chouji….FAST" naruto drew his blade  
"what?"  
"NOW"  
shikamaru nodded and ran like hell  
"hmmm….interesting" he put the barrel down  
"you think you can beat me one on one?" he drew his spinal cord out and naruto almost threw up  
"oh god…wait…so…how do you get a boner again?" naruto grinned as he pulled down his mask  
"now I can breathe"  
"I am kimimaru-"  
"I don't care  
ALL you need to know is that I'm the greatest ninja that ever set foot in this world…fuckah…now  
can we get this over with?" naruto formed a handseal and the weight and chakra seals disappeared off his body  
'really hate having to draw all those signs on my body…'  
"hmph…your ego shall be your downfall" he rushed at naruto at an incredible speed rate  
'yeow…he's faster than ero-sennin when he's caught peeking'  
"what ego?"  
they clashed In a swordfight to death and naruto was struggling to keep up  
'shit…shit…shit shit shit shit times fag-finity'  
"hmph" the man kicked naruto in the ribs and naruto went flying  
'what power…'  
he pointed his fingers at naruto and his finger bones flew at naruto  
Naruto barely managed to cut them in time before getting pierced  
"not bad…you survived it"  
black smoke began to rise out of the barrel and naruto saw sasuke get out of it  
through the smoke, all he could see was sasuke with a longer hair and darker skin  
"faggot?"  
"hmhmhmhm..hahahaha….AHAHAHAHA" sasuke laughed maniacally and tree-jumped away  
"shit…I'd love to beat you to the ground but….REVERSE SUMMON"  
kurama appeared again, asleep  
naruto proceeded to kick him in the stomach  
"**yeow…dafuq dude?  
don't let that grow into a habbit**"  
"can you take care of this guy?  
he's kinda tough and sasugay is getting away so…see ya later"  
naruto disappeared in a blur  
"**so…I'm kurama…your name is?**"  
"kimimaru of the-"  
"**I DON'T CARE WHAT YOUR NAME IS**" kurama rushed at him and kimimaru clenched his teeth  
"I hate you two…I really do"

**WITH NARUTO AND SASUKE**

"OI Faggot  
get over here so I can take you back to your bitch and go home"  
"…" no answer  
"grrr" naruto kept following sasuke….

**KURAMA AND HIS TWIN FROM ANOTHER DIMENSION...yay...**

Kurama stomped kimimaru's face to the ground and laughed insanely  
"**GOD I FORGOT HOW FUN THIS IS**"  
as he was walking away, he sensed a spike of chakra and turned around to see… doctor OCTOPUS!  
second stage kimimaru and kurama glared at the author  
"sorry" author cuts his tentacles off and drags him back into the chessboard  
"**hehe…I like you kimono**"  
"it's kimimaru"  
"**like I give a shit  
I haven't had a fight in a long time and you my friend will quench my thirst…**" kurama began to glow red and more animalistic  
"**GREATLY**"  
"so…you're a demon too…"  
"**RISING FOX COMBO**" kurama appeared beneath kimimaru and kicked him in the chin and sent him flying  
'what…power' kimimaru thought as his chin broke  
"**GRAHAHAHAHAHA**" kurama proceeded to kick and claw at kimimaru in the air and elbowed his forehead and sent him crashing down  
"**BIJUU BOMB**" kurama roared as he sent the black sphere flying at kimimaru

**WITH SASUKE AND NARUTO**

Naruto sensed the spike and knew kurama's all too familiar bijuu bomb  
'heh…idiot…'  
naruto remembered how kurama got into a fight with a mountain sized frog when he turned into his fox form and blew him away with his bijuu bomb  
naruto and sasuke reached a clearing…more like a valley as they exited the jungle  
it was called the valley of the end where hashirama senju and madara uchiha fought a battle to the death  
"I've had it you fag  
you comin or do I have to drag you back?  
"you don't get it do you?" sasuke turned around and naruto took a step back  
he was in his cursed form stage two  
his demeanor had completely changed and his eyes were black with sharingan blazing in the middle  
"I NEED more power  
it's not something you would understand"  
"…you're not gonna listen are you?" naruto sealed his sword into his headband and jumped on hashirama's head  
"you're gonna let that snake rape you to death for what?  
something you can have by pushing yourself harder?"  
"I've had it with you naruto  
you can't understand my pain"  
naruto closed his eyes and started turning more animalistic  
his fangs grew with his claws and hair  
his whisker marks grew deeper  
"you REFUSE to let anyone get to you sasuke  
I'm gonna drag you back if I have to"  
'and finally achieve my dream' naruto's body was engulfed in yellowish-red chakra as a robe covered him  
he had a swirl mark on his chest and back  
'keh…I hope two tails worth is enough for this'  
"come and try it…dobe" sasuke shot a fireball at naruto and jumped down the waterfall  
"faggot…" naruto held up his hand and absorbed the fireball  
'you can't fight blazes with fire'  
he also jumped down and his eyes grew wide at what he saw  
sasuke had grown two hand-like wings behind him  
naruto landed on the water surface and scratched his head  
"okay…you gonna use that to masturbate?  
cuzz you need to trim the nails first"  
"GRAAAH" sasuke shot more fireballs at naruto and ran at him  
naruto dodged the fireballs and pummeled sasuke in a taijutsu match with sasuke returning every favor  
"Enough of this"  
naruto jumped back  
"you have all the friends you can get and you're worshipped by the village  
what MORE DO YOU WANT?"  
"I want to kill my brother"  
"ah great" naruto facepalmed  
"you want to beat an s-rank….A HOKAGE LEVEL MISSING NIN at the age of fourteen?"  
"I didn't say now dobe  
but I need to be as strong as I can be…not like you'd understand anyway"  
"neither would you" naruto growled  
"…I'm rather…disappointed"  
"at what?"  
"you didn't notice I had an extra tomoe in my sharingan"  
"…." Naruto, author, dolan, pedo, grumpy and the readers facepalmed  
"I was joking dobe"  
"…." Author shoves his yamato through his clavicle, turns it painfully and coughs blood  
"…don't do that…ever…please"  
"GRAAAH" sasuke summoned his chidori but it had a black hint to it  
'dafuq?'  
naruto also summoned his rasengan and filled it with wind chakra, giving it a shuriken like shape  
**"NARUTOOOOO"  
"SASUGAAAAAAY"**  
they shouted as they rushed at each other

**THREE HOURS LATER – KONOHA GATES**

Sakura,kakashi,tsunade and some of the council members were looking at the horizon  
'naruto…where are you boy?'  
"they're here" kakashi smiled and closed his book  
naruto appeared in sight, cuts and bruises all over him and his chest full of burn marks  
'darn that was close….that fucking chidori actually stabbed with each of its lightning discharges'  
he also had sasuke hung over his shoulder, also bloody and battered but not burned like naruto  
"SASUKE-KUN" sakura ran toward her idol and cried when naruto gave her over  
"you idiot…sniff…I told you to bring him back not beat him to death"  
naruto felt zabuza's broadsword slash his heart and melt it  
"b..but i-"  
"YOU INSOLENT DEMON" danzo shouted  
"how dare you hurt the last uchiha like this?"  
"…what?  
what about me?  
i'm on the verge of freaking dying here" he pointed at his chest  
"you are a tool  
a filthy worthless mongrel…we will discuss what to do with you in the court"  
naruto clenched his teeth  
what pissed him off wasn't the fact that he was insulted like never before  
what pissed him was that tsunade kakashi and sakura just stood there and watched naruto take it  
"…" naruto walked toward his house  
"naruto…" tsunade rubbed her temples

**THREE HOURS LATER – NARUTO'S APARTMENT**

An ANBU appeared and told naruto to go to the public trial in front of the hokage mansion  
he went as told and saw the people of konoha gathered and glaring at him  
he also saw some worried looks from his friends such as hinata,ayame ino, tenten,shikamaru,lee and so on  
he stood in the middle of the clearing in the crowd which was circle shaped and danzo was standing directly in front of him with the most disgusting smile he had ever seen  
"uzumaki naruto  
vessel of the nine tailed demon fox"  
naruto closed his eyes and grimaced since he no longer had the fox in him and was just an ordinary boy…be jealous pinnochio !  
"you are hereby banished-"  
naruto's eyes snapped open and his jaw fell  
"WHAT?" tsunade shouted  
"banished as a vote was taken and the konoha civilian council deemed you must be exhiled from konoha and never to return for the crime of attempting genocide and hurting a fellow comrade"  
"BULLSHIT  
IT HAD TO GO THROUGH ME FIR-"  
"IT'S OKAY TSUNADE" naruto shouted and silenced her  
"naruto…" tsunade began crying  
naruto looked around through the villagers and noticed their looks of disgust and some were filled with joy  
'so…no one else is gonna stand up huh?'  
"well if the gaki leaves than so do I" zabuza stepped forward  
haku was going to do so too but was stopped as his boyfriend held her tightly  
naruto nodded at her to let her know it's okay  
"and I'll resign as the hokage" tsunade stood next to zabuza and naruto  
"this pathetic village is too drunk on its own stupor and hatred"  
"mind if I tag along?" derp patted naruto's back and whispered in his ear  
"you used my name?" and naruto shivered  
"hmph" hiashi also stood next to naruto  
naruto's eyes along with everyone else's turned to dining plates  
"I'll decide to believe in you boy"  
"don't forget me" jiraya appeared behind naruto and next to derp, his face red  
"….i'll cut you later" derp adjusted his glasses  
"what?...so all of you will join that sorry excuse for a living creature just because you feel sorry for him?  
specially you hiashi-sama….i expected more from you"  
"i…" naruto spoke up  
"just have one thing to say to you danzo…one day…I will return…TOO STRONG…for anyone to defeat….and one day…right here…in front of the hokage mansion…I will ENJOY watching you beg on your knees" and he turned along with his fellow comrades  
hinata, hanabi and a raggedly breathing neji also tagged along  
derp carried neji on his back and neji rested  
the rest of the girls wanted to follow naruto but they all knew their parents wouldn't allow it  
'you just did me the greatest favor yet boy' danzo smiled and put orochimaru to shame  
the rest of the way to the gates was just as expected for naruto  
people threw rocks and rotten fruit at naruto and he just took it all  
derp would cut them all to pieces but…he had neji on his back  
hiashi was also very pissed off since only his family followed him and no other hyuuga member  
"it's okay everyone….you won't regret following me" naruto smiled even though blood was trailing his forehead and dripped from his head  
"how is that?" tsunade asked  
"we…"  
"have a plan" derp finished and grinned  
'oh how I enjoy manipulating fate to my will' derp's grin split his face

* * *

…

…

FUCK YEAH  
AS PROMISED, a killer chapter that's NOT only a build up for another great chapter, it's crazy on its own  
oh and yes...i'm not freaking oxford so don't expect a grammatically perfect chapter  
i'm doing the best i can and i read over it twice before publishing it  
if you hate the grammar than...well...haters gonna hate  
if they don't , they'll cease to exist


	18. Chapter 18

Without further ado…..oh wait  
I have good news and slightly bad news  
good news is that you should expect the harem and lemon thing to start from this chapter onwards  
slightly bad news is….that I put myself as derp in the story so I can manipulate it further and make it more crazy and stupid  
SPIN ! v-v/) :

**TWO WEEKS AFTER THE BANISHMENT OF NARUTO – KONOHA**

All of konoha partied and celebrated for two whole weeks as their beloved demon was banished  
danzo had become the new rokudaime and had his ROOT ANBU reinstated into the konoha military forces  
sasuke on the other hand was pissed to no end  
"they did WHAT?" he shouted as he got off the hospital bed  
"th…they banished naruto-baka…what's wrong sasuke-kun?" sakura asked, worried  
sasuke punched the wall and his knuckles bled  
"and you DIDN'T TELL ME THAT FOR TWO WEEKS BECAUSE?" he asked seething flames of anger  
"i..i wanted you to recover faster sasuke-kun"  
"ARE YOU STUPID YOU FUCKING BITCH?  
OUR TEAMMATE WAS BANISHED BECAUSE OF ME AND YOU DIDN'T DO SHIT?  
YOU COULD'VE AT LEAST WOKE ME UP" sasuke roared in anger  
"SO WHAT?  
YOU AND I BOTH HATED HIM"  
"both?  
heh  
you stupid fan-bitch  
you're the one who hated him  
the reason I hated him was because of our rivalry  
HE WAS AS CLOSE AS A BROTHER TO ME"  
"wh…what?" sakura fell down on her chair

**SASUKE'S FLASHBACK**

Naruto was standing on sasuke's shoulder and sasuke had to do squats  
"c'mon fag  
you're wasting my time"  
"hmph…"  
"…amazing…you even say that when the road gets tough…I should find my own catch-phrase soon…"

Naruto hit sasuke's butt with his whip and sasuke moaned  
"yeeesh…dafuq derp?"  
author adjusts glasses  
"…one of the readers asked for it"

Sasuke shot a fire ball at naruto's earthwall and the wall crumbled soon after  
"heh…I see you took my advice fag"  
"hmph"  
"seriously?  
not gonna quit that?"  
"nope"  
"so….do you still say that in sexual climaxes?"  
"…BLAZING DRAGON JUTSU"

**FLASHBACK END…yes, you're welcome naru-sasu fans**

Sasuke finished thinking about the past and went to the closet  
"….." sasuke felt uncomfortable  
"err…I wanna change so…"  
"you need help?" sakura asked with a ray of hope  
"…." Sasuke glared and pointed at the door  
"…okay"  
'sigh…what a stupid village…I wouldn't stay for a day longer even if kami personally came here to train me'

**HIDDEN SOUND VILLAGE**

"GYAHAHAHAAHAHA" orochimaru laughed as he licked his lips  
"they banished the brat after he took sasu-chan back?  
oh god this is cracking me better than the time I shoved sasuke's nin card up my ass"  
kabuto sweat-dropped

**HIDDEN SAND VILLAGE**

Gaara's sand was crawling all around the room  
temari and kankuro sweat-dropped as gaara grinned when he heard how naruto was banished  
"err….you okay bro?"  
"yes…now if you'll excuse me" gaara got a pencil and started scribbling on a paper  
'all going as planned…just like naruto said'  
(aherm)  
'…and derp'  
(*grin*)  
"we're cutting our ties with konoha  
I want this message on our fastest…umm…messenger…whatever we use to call others"  
temari and kankuro glanced at each other  
"err…okay"

**HIDDEN THUNDER VILLAGE**

"yo raikage  
here' yo message from the hokage"  
a blonde girl bowed and respectfully handed the scroll over  
"thank you dear"  
raikage rubbed his forehead and read the scroll  
he grimaced as he threw the scroll in the trash  
"wussup brotha?  
did you get pissed by that….err…  
(mothafuckah)  
mothafuckah?"  
"yes…the letter says they banished the nine tailed demon and are celebrating for it  
they invited us to the party"  
"they must really have some balls inviting the village that respects its two jinchuriki" the blonde commented  
"….so…they're holding a party for banishing my brother from my other mother?  
those ragged ass motherfuckers"  
"yes….you might wanna use more….smooth words bee  
you may leave now"  
the nibi and hachibi junchuriki bowed and left

**NARUTO'S BAND**

"so…do you think they'll give me an A rank in the bingo book or an S rank?"  
"how about a D rank?" zabuza groaned lazily  
"are we there yet?" hanabi grumbled  
"hmm.."  
"yes my dear" derp smiled  
"…I'm not your dear"  
"..err…okay  
well  
we're here"  
derp and gang arrived to a small village that was now a ghost town  
some of the houses were still in good shape and almost all of them had a swirl mark on them  
"ah…home sweet home" naruto walked through the town smiling and derp put neji on the nearest bench  
"tsunade"  
"hmm?"  
"the hospital's that way  
could you take neji there and with whatever you find, patch him up or something?"  
"there's a hospital here too?  
I mean…okay"  
"naruto, with me  
the rest of you…don't go outside the village  
and don't let jiraya near the hotspring…it's deserted but at least it's sacred and….where is he?"  
hiashi used his byakugan and pointed left  
"…..seriously?  
I mean….what does he want to peek on anyway?" derp scratched his head  
he took naruto with him to the tallest building in the village and they wandered in it  
"cough  
dafuq man?  
it's like the pyramids of Egypt" naruto commented as he followed derp  
"…huh?  
egpyt?...pyramids?  
dafuq dude?"  
"I dunno  
sounded good in my head"  
"anyways….we're here"  
derp and naruto arrived to a wide bookshelf with no books in it  
"derp"  
"yeah?"  
"how do you know this place?  
or how do you know this village at all?  
just….WHO are you?"  
"I am…" derp cut the bookshelf in half and behind it was a door  
"simply derp" he opened the door and they entered what seemed like an archive room  
"woow"  
"these are all the medical info, jutsu manual, inter-village socialization guides and everything the uzumaki clan held dear….plus  
that door to your right  
it's where your dad stored all his rasengan notes"  
"awesomesauce  
so…why are you helping us again?"  
"I'm not"  
"huh?"  
"I'm here to…push, in a way  
I'm here to push you in the direction I want" he adjusted his glasses  
"go out of the way and cross my path" he held his sword up  
"and I swear on my yamato, I'll cut you to pieces"  
"…err…okay"  
"wow…you got convinced way better than tsunade at least  
have fun…"  
derp began to disappear from the foot, than legs, guts and so on  
"uzukage-sama" he completely vanished  
on naruto's face appeared the evilest smile ever  
"the shodaime uzukage…naruto uzumaki….sounds perfect"  
naruto walked out of his new treasure room for a word with his new family  
'time to put this plan into action…'

**AFTER THIRTY MINUTES OF SEARCHING FOR JIRAYA**

"okay…now that everyone's here, I think it's time I shared our plan with you guys"  
"our?" hiashi pointed out  
"me and derp of course  
what?  
you expected me to make up a super awesome plan with…that?" he pointed at jiraya's remains which were recently pummeled by tsunade  
"you just gestured to all of me" jiraya groaned in pain  
tsunade found him in the women's locker of the hotsprings and beat him half to death  
"EXACTLY  
Reverse summon"  
kurama appeared with a purple bag under his left eye and cuts all over him  
"….." naruto stared with his jaw wide open  
**"I am a shame to my demon clan for getting beat up like this by a woman"  
**"we were just discussing…..well….at least I hope you studied the seal good  
our plan is…"

**TWO MONTHS LATER**

Naruto and his band had finished rebuilding the village and had even built a few extra homes  
he decided to leave tayuya in the frog mountains for a while…..maybe she'll learn some manners but….he didn't get his hopes up  
"guh….i'd better become a freaking general or something" zabuza grumbled as he lifted another plank  
naruto remembered derp's words  
'…while you're rebuilding the village, you'll notice that your allies become physically stronger…something they may have ignored or postponed for a long time'  
neji was back up and walking in a week with tsunade's help  
"shizune…" tsunade missed shizune like hell  
she left her in the village so she could report the changes  
the hyuuga family and surprisingly hiashi helped in making the homes too  
naruto was surprised at first but hiashi told stories about how the hyuuga family made their houses themselves  
hinata and hanabi helped in cleaning the houses  
zabuza, naruto, jiraya and kurama helped take the wood around and tsunade used her strength to punch the planks firmly into the ground  
"well…" naruto and his family stood on top of the walls they all helped build and looked over the village  
the village was right next to the sea from the south  
naruto decided to build the wall on the other side of the village and thought about using the water as a source of food, trade and travel  
it all fell perfectly in place and the village looked ready to flourish but…..it only contained naruto and his friends and that wasn't exactly enough  
zabuza scratched his head and looked at naruto  
"so….now we have a ghost village….next phase of the plan?"  
"of course  
we'll take a good rest tonight  
me and kura will go do the next phase  
you guys guard this place with your lives…..and no fucking graffiti on my walls jiraya" naruto glared at the sannin  
"psh…fine grampa"  
hiashi looked toward the horizon over the sea and smiled  
"what is it father?" hanabi pulled his father's robe  
"nothing my dear…I just never even dreamed I'd end up with such a fate"  
"do you regret it?" hinata asked, having lost her stuttering after she left the village  
"of course not  
look at it" he waved his hand over the village  
"I'll make sure that this village prospers and becomes the greatest in the ninja nations"  
"took the words right outta my mouth soon-to-be-father-in-law" naruto grinned  
"….i still don't like being called that"

**THE NEXT DAY**

Naruto and kurama waved goodbye to everyone and began running  
"hmm…we should surprise them" tsunade smiled evilly  
"…I'm scared" hanabi clung to her father and he carried her  
"what is it hime?"  
"we should build a gate…that'll blow naruto the fuck away jiraya" her smile turned to a grin  
"I think I agree" zabuza smiled under his bandages

**WITH NARUTO AND KURAMA**

Naruto and kurama ran for hours non-stop until they reached their destination  
it was a slave colony…more like country  
everywhere all naruto and kurama could see were people in chains  
kurama grimaced and naruto threw up at the scene before them  
there was the body of a little boy next to the iron gates with maggots festering on it  
"hello and welcome  
are you here to buy some servants?" the gate guard smiled and greeted, showing his black rotten teeth  
naruto and kurama took off their red hoods to show red slitted eyes and naruto cut the man's head off  
"**I'm gonna enjoy this**"  
kurama shot a fireball at the giant iron gate and it melted after a few minutes  
all the slaves looked at the scene unfold but contrary to naruto's expectations, no one cheered nor roared in joy of a freedom soon to come  
"what the?..."  
an army of something close to two hundred soldiers assembled and in the front stood a man that made naruto wanna throw up again  
he had messy black hair and looked like a cave-man  
what pissed naruto off was the necklace he had….he had used human ears instead of beads and some of them were so small, naruto knew they belonged to a child  
"if you're here to save them…" the man spoke in a sickening tone  
"forget it  
they have nowhere else to go"  
naruto clutched his face, trying to control himself and not rip the man to pieces  
kurama on the other hand was whispering under his breath and naruto sensed his hands shift under his black robes  
"COME WITH ME TO MY VILLAGE" naruto shouted for everyone to hear  
"IT'S NOT FAR  
PROBABLY TWO DAYS OF WALKING WITH ALL YOUR NUMBERS"  
suddenly everyone looked up with a shine in their eyes  
for a moment they felt freedom at hand…until the army soldiers drew their swords and the leader put on his gauntlets  
"heh…over my dead body"  
"with pleasure…kura?"  
**"TIME TO BRING THE PAIN" **he raised his hand with his index finger pointing at the grey sky  
"**I'll teach this to ya later gaki" ** he grinned like a true demon  
**"ULTIMATE FIRE STYLE : GIGA-CANON" **as he dropped his hand in a cutting arc, the sky roared and a white thunder bolt engulfed half of the army  
what made naruto's jaw drop was the bodies turning to ash or being set ablaze instead of getting fried due to electricity  
"**how ya like them blazes?**" kurama grinned  
the rest of the army dropped their weapons and ran away  
the man fell on his knees and began crying  
"please…take them all…just spare me"  
kurama looked around at the people in chain  
man…woman…child…elderly…everyone  
"yeah…sure…why not…can we have the keys please?"  
"yes yes of course" the man gave naruto the key  
naruto took the key and gripped his hand into a fist  
"THE KEY TO YOUR FREEDOM…" naruto shouted again and kurama smiled, knowing his apprentice all too well  
"IS in his guts" naruto looked at the cave-man  
"what?" for a moment, he looked at naruto questioningly until naruto's fist broke through the man's lip,teeth and even throat  
naruto dropped it inside the man and walked away  
the slave colony began walking toward the man and he tried to run but he was surrounded by the slaves  
naruto and kurama jumped and sat on top of a building  
**"nice…I like the way you finished him"  
**"meh…ramen?" naruto took one out of his wrist-band seal  
**"…sure why not"  
**naruto and kurama sat and watched as the slaves clawed and bit at the cave-man, trying to get the key

**TWO DAYS LATER**

Naruto and kurama and the former slave army walked all the way back home non-stop  
surprisingly for naruto, they couldn't wait for their new homes and probably their new lives  
"bro…why don't you go get tayuya and meet me by the gates in two hours?"  
kurama shrugged something about evil bitches and started drawing seals on a tree  
"yo….dafuq?" naruto stared at the new gates in awe  
contrary to the grey and concrete walls, the gates were made out of wood and were colored black with probably the biggest swirl mark ever in the middle  
"OIII GAKIII" tsunade screamed on top of the gate  
"WHAT TOOK YA SO LONG?"  
"YOU EVIL FUCKING BITCH  
I TOLD YOUNOT TO DO ANY GRAFFITI"  
"I'M GLAD YOU LIKED IT"  
naruto rubbed his eyes and turned to the crowd who were now smiling  
"before you join me…first I must ask you…TO TAKE A FUCKING SHOWER…fuck that…AS SOON AS THE GATES OPEN, RUN LIKE A BITCH ON THE LOOSE AND JUMP INTO THE SEA…now…before you join me  
I think you must all know that…I am a wanted man  
I may put all of you in dan-"  
"can you open the gate now?" a muscular man in the front spoke everyone's mind  
"…yeah sure" naruto waved and the gates opened  
the crowd did as told and ran toward the sea  
'wait…they do have dresses right?'  
"of course…I wouldn't let things get shitty and disgusting"  
naruto's head turned, recognizing the voice  
"derp!"  
"wuzzup bro?"  
"did you do it?"  
"of course  
you did your part of the plan…I did mine" derp gave naruto a seal paper  
"I'm sure you'll find enough to clothe them all in it  
now if you'll excuse me…" he adjusted his glasses and walked away  
'shit I looked cool' derp grinned as he walked away  
"wait….lots of people…swimming….water….human…..SHIT"  
naruto ran up the gates and jumped next to tsunade  
"what's wrong gaki?  
are we under attack already?"  
"..in a way…where's jiraya?"  
and it dawned on tsunade as well when naruto looked at the sea full of people washing themselves  
"…too late…"  
**"yo"**  
kurama appeared in a reverse summon next to naruto with tayuya  
"oh…hello miss tayuya  
how was your stay at the mountains?" naruto smiled and greeted her warmly  
she was in a white long dress and she actually looked beautiful to naruto  
"IT WAS FUCKING SHIT OF COURSE  
DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT WAS FOR ME TO EAT THAT BITCH FROG'S COOKING?" she screamed and naruto's smile disappeared  
"at least the seal is gone right?"  
she looked down and to naruto,kurama and even tsunade's surprise she blushed  
"y..yeah…thank you"  
"….wow" naruto dropped himself from the ten-story tall gate

**ONE YEAR LATER – UZUGAKURE**

A young male blonde was sitting on top of the gates, looking at his village  
the blonde had grown taller and more muscular due to his training  
he was in a white robe with black swirls on his shoulders  
he sighed as he scratched his whisker marks  
naruto's mind redrew images of the day he saved all the villagers  
zabuza and hiashi taught the men to fight like a ninja or a swordsman  
tsunade took hinata and hanabi as her first apprentices and operated the village hospital  
jiraya was currently on a mission to the sand to meet gaara and signal the next phase, the rest of the time, he taught at the ninja academy  
naruto sighed as he knew what was coming  
"quite a pity"  
"yeah…I wish things could stay as they are"  
"hmhmhm…trust me naruto…follow me to the end and I promise you a land where honey is water and milk is…well…yoghurt?" derp scratched his head  
"oh here comes ero-sennin/sensei"  
naruto looked back and saw jiraya  
"open up" he waved to the tower and the guardsmen opened the gates  
"yo" derp and naruto jumped down the gates in front of naruto  
"what did gaara say?" naruto asked  
jiraya nodded  
"hmhmhm…be ready tomorrow at seven am naruto…and don't bother brining kurama…I'm with ya"  
"yeah…he kinda likes where he is anyways"  
kurama worked in a daycare for children and was actually making a very good business  
the rest of the time, he worked as the uzu-police but…he didn't have to do much  
the people respected each other since they were slave-mates not too long ago  
"well…I'll be at the uzu-mansion" naruto lazily jumped toward the center of the village  
the spiral shaped mansion was similar to konoha's but instead it had a swirl sign on it  
naruto entered his room  
he had personally designed the room for his own comfort  
it had a table to the left of the door for his paperwork and a bookshelf to its right plus a comfy couch in front of it for the guests  
what he really loved was the moment he opened the door  
everytime, he'd smile at the view  
in front of the door was a window opening to the ocean, showing hard working people and sometimes, bikini wearing women and playing children  
"hey mom, hey dad" naruto waved at the picture of his mom and dad on his table  
"…you can show yourself you know"  
"meanie" tayuya came out from under the table  
"I was gonna bite you in the penis and hopefully kill you…"  
"yeesh…didn't we agree that if I reduced it from five years to three you'd quit doing that?"  
"awwww but it's so long" she whined  
"it next year when I turn seventeen"  
"I WANT IT NARUTO" she screamed and naruto almost felt like her mother's in front of her  
"…err..should I summon kura?"  
"I WANT YOURS"  
"why do you want mine?"  
"cause…" she blushed  
"cause I'm sure yours is bigger"  
'bitch…you have no idea'  
"_sigh_…I have a big day tomorrow…can we postpone this for now?"  
"fine…but I'm your first remember?  
don't cheat on me okay?"  
"first of all I never promised you'll be the first  
second, what makes you think I'll screw anyone other than my fierce red-head?" he smiled and petted her head  
'damn you…you're way younger than me but you're so damn cool acting in control and all'  
"so…can I have my prize for not cursing today?"  
"of course" naruto smiled and kissed tayuya  
she wrapped her arms around him and puckered up to him  
she wanted to slip her tongue in but naruto broke the kiss  
"erm.."  
"what?"  
"it'd be best if you- "  
the door opened and tsunade came through  
tayuya froze in fear  
tsunade also froze…in anger  
she saw tayuya hugging naruto all to himself and wanted to kill her…fuck that  
she wanted to use a long lost medical jutsu, grow a ten inch penis and rape her to death in the ass  
"out…NOW" she screamed and tayuya ran outside  
"why did you take HER as your assistant?  
hinata could have been way better"  
"_sigh…_we've been over this hime-chan  
now…what did you want to talk about?"  
"where are you going tomorrow?"  
"hmm?"  
"jiraya's drinking again…he does that whenever you wanna leave the village"  
"does he now?…well…you'll know very soon hime  
our family and home will be growing soon" naruto grinned as he looked out the window  
"….it's her again isn't it?"  
"yep…she's wearing _BLACK_ TODAY" naruto drooled as he watched her favorite bikini girl take a tan  
"_sigh_…as if they weren't slaves a year ago…they're already prospering and growing beautiful by the day"  
tsunade wrapped her arm around naruto's neck  
"you know I'll be your first right?"  
"….now where have I heard that before?" naruto smiled and kissed tsunade's cheek  
"that's not getting you off the hook gaki  
and get ready for tomorrow instead of misusing the fucking window"  
"okay…and hime…your ass looks extra hot today hime"  
she showed him her magic finger as she left  
"hehe…hoo boy"  
he dropped himself on the couch and let his mind drift away to la-la-land

* * *

just one thing to say about them gurls back at konoha...yes...they will get their FILL  
and yes i know the grammar is wrong but what can i do?  
i'm only unleashing my shitty twisted creepy imagination


	19. Chapter 19

Hello again geniuses  
I'm surprised that you're still reading this but…maybe I really am just that good…or maybe you just really don't have anything to do  
anyway  
VORTEX! v-v/)

* * *

**LAND OF THE MIST – THE GREAT NARUTO BRIDGE**

Two cloaked figures you'll soon find out the identity of, were walking slowly along the bridge and watched as caravans and people walked along it for their own business  
"so….how do you intend to absorb a leaderless village into our own?"  
"it's easy bro…we just find someone the people hate the most and kill him  
or find someone the people worship…and kill him before we kill the bad guy"  
"…I don't follow"  
"nevermind…it sounded good in my head  
do you know anyone with social influence?  
someone that all the people know of and respect?"  
"yeah…I think I do"

**FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER**

Naruto and derp appeared outside a building that looked like it had been rebuilt just recently  
naruto knocked on the door  
"who is it?" a feminine voice asked  
"pinnchio"  
"moby cock"  
"it's moby dick you freaking idiot"  
"what's the difference?"  
a few seconds later the door opened up and tsunami peeked outside  
"long time no see tsunami-chan" naruto grinned  
"naruto-kun!  
come in come in" she opened the door and let the boys in  
"hello  
I'm derp, it's a pleasure to meet you tsunami-san" derp greeted and bowed to tsunami  
"hello derp-san  
what brings naruto-kun back here specially after all these years?"  
"hmm…we'll talk about it when tazuna and inari get here"  
"well then have a seat  
I'll prepare tea"  
"I'll have coffee" derp raised his hand

**NIGHT TIME**

After a few….hundred rounds of poker between naruto, tsunami and derp with derp losing almost all of them, inari and tazuna came through the door  
"we're home" they said lazily in unison  
"ABOUT GODDAMN MOTHAFUCKING TIME" naruto slammed a fist on the table and turned around grinning  
"NARUTO!" inari's face brightened up the moment he recognized naruto and hugged him  
"what brings you to these parts naruto?  
and who's your friend?"  
"derp" he adjusted his glasses as he introduced himself  
'so...he's just polite to women?  
what a gentleman" tsunami thought  
"we're here on business tazuna-san"  
"from the leaf?"  
"not really…from a village just to the north-"  
"uzugakure?  
the new village?"  
"how did you know about it?"  
"well…we heard about two guys invading the slave colony and saving everyone  
we also heard they gave them homes in that village-"  
"sorry to interrupt but…you might wanna take a seat" derp saved tazuna the trouble and started naruto's

**AN HOUR LATER**

"wooooooow…I knew naruto was awesome but not to this extend" inari grinned like the Cheshire cat  
"yes but…isn't banishment a little too much?"  
"does it matter?  
the plan was to leave konoha anyway so no problem  
naruto-kun, please state our business and the reason we're here"  
"yes…we're here to offer the mist an alliance with our village"  
"WHOAH…that's a big step  
specially for a leaderless village"  
'no shit sherlock' derp killed a chuckle coming up  
"well…we were kinda hoping you'd spread the word so…"  
"OF COURSE BOY  
you're the reason our village was saved in the first place  
we even named the bridge after you so there won't be any problem"  
"thank you tazuna-san…that is very heartwarming to hear  
now…if you don't mind" naruto and derp got up  
"we'll be back in a month to hear the people's opinion  
remember tazuna-san, if we join villages, it will be our duty to protect you and many other benefits so be sure to tell the people about that too" derp adjusted his glasses and went out the door  
"see you guys real soon" naruto group hugged all three of them and also went out

**MEANWHILE – UZUGAKURE**

Tsunade was sipping her saki on the rooftop of the hospital when she noticed her messenger hawk flying toward her  
'I woner…'  
she whistled and the hawk flew down and landed on her shoulder  
she took the paper on its talon and put the hawk in his cage and fed it  
she opened the letter and read it carefully  
a few minutes later…she almost had a heart-attack  
"shit…"  
she threw a three pronged kunai to the ground

**WITH NARUTO AND DERP**

They were tree-jumping toward the village but stopped when naruto tensed  
"what's wrong?"  
"the village-"  
"go ahead…I have business elsewhere"  
"right" naruto disappeared in a yellow blur  
"...hmph...already?"

**UZUGAKURE – HOSPITAL ROOF**

Naruto appeared next to tsunade with his blade on his shoulder  
"eh?..." naruto looked around and saw no one  
he re-sealed the blade and looked at tsunade  
"whoah…you look like you almost had a heart-attack"  
"it's…it's shizune"  
naruto looked at tsunade's hand and took the paper out of it  
he also read the paper and ripped it to pieces  
"call everyone over to the mansion…ASAP"

**UZU MANSION – UZUKAGE'S ROOM**

After thirty minutes, hiashi, hanabi, hinata,neji, tayuya, zabuza, kurama, jiraya tsunade were present  
"what's the big deal?  
I was changing the world for a lovely lovely woman" zabuza groaned  
"we just got word from shizune" tsunade interrupted  
"yes…" naruto got up and looked out the window  
"konoha knows about us and wants to meet the kage  
they'll send us an official letter in one week…it would appear danzo is not a total idiot and wants to take care of any possible threat in the first place and offer us an alliance"  
"that's it?  
we just say no" tayuya countered  
"we'll begin a war with konoha and I don't want to take away the people's safety because of my past  
the reason I called you all over is because I wanted to ask one of you to go in my place to konoha"  
"well…they practically know all of us so…" jiraya looked around  
"me?" tayuya raised her hand  
"nope  
we're all wanted criminals so….that leaves…." Everyone stared at a snoozing kurama  
naruto kicked him in the ribs and off the couch  
**"NO I'M NOT A PEDO…I thought I told you not to do that anymore gaki"**  
"okay…guess you're out too  
your voice is WAAAYYY too freaky"  
**"did you kick me up just to tell me that?"  
**"…no…you just missed a big discussion so…everyone go back to sleep  
I'll ask derp"  
everyone left the mansion and each headed to their households  
meanwhile…naruto went to the archive room and took a scroll out from his drawer  
'hmm…the ultimate eye…'  
naruto looked over the scroll and read the contents  
'_only one from the blood of rikodou can awaken it...the fucking easy part  
which means you have to be either an uchiha or a senju...uzumaki is a sub-group of senju so no problem here either  
how to do so is not known yet...good luck!'  
_these were the lines naruto concentrated on the most  
'...blood...good luck...blood…BLOOD !'  
naruto looked over the scrolls stacked on the walls and looked for one in particular  
"blood elements…no…blood seals…no…blood bath?...later…bloodlines?  
I'll take this….aaaaaand….i'll also take blood awakenings"  
the rest of the night, naruto looked over the scrolls and scribbled notes

**TWO WEEKS LATER – KONOHA GATES**

Danzo and his lackeys with twelve anbu guards stood at the village gates, staring at the horizon  
"danzo-sama, perhaps we should just kill their kage and get this over with as soon as possible" homura suggested  
"no…we must use their village to gain control of the area and strike fear into the lightning nation"  
a smile appeared on danzo's face  
"here he is…alone?"  
a few hundred meters ahead a man appeared in white robes with a kage hat that had a black swirl in the front  
"uzukage-sama  
how nice of you to grace us with your presence" homura began kissing ass  
the uzukage took his hat off to show a black haired man in glasses  
"I'm not one for complimentary and shizznet so all I can say is…wuzzup homie?" he hugged danzo  
danzo's eyes became saki bowls and even the anbu's jaw shifted behind their masks  
"not gonna hug me back?...okay" he let go  
"the name is derp  
you guys?"  
"oh…I am danzo  
this is homur-"  
"that's enough" derp held his hand up  
"knowing the big cheese is enough for me and I'm not exactly perfect with names  
anyway, why am I here?"  
"oh please uzukage-sama  
this is no place to talk  
why don't we show you around konoha and talk about things in the mansion later?"  
"nah  
I'll help myself to looking around  
can we get this shit done already?  
it's hot as fuck here and I can't wait to get back to the village beach" he groaned as he lazily walked toward the mansion  
"I do not like him one bit….root…watch over him"  
"HAI" and they disappeared

**TEN MINUTES LATER – HOKAGE MANSION**

Danzo heard a knock on the door and since he didn't want to offend the uzukage, he opened the door personally  
"please come in…uzukage-sama?"  
derp was drenched in blood and his white robe was colored red  
"what happened?"  
"oh nothing much  
I just sensed a few ninjas…probably twelve, watching me  
so I led them to an alley and told them it's time to show themselves  
I couldn't recognize the emblem on their masks and since it wasn't konoha's…I killed them" he grinned  
"those…" danzo closed the doors as derp dropped himself on the couch  
"were our anbu…but not exactly your ordinary anbu  
especially trained ones by myself…I call them-"  
"root?"  
danzo stiffened  
"h…how do you know?"  
"I read konoha's history on my way here…before you were hokage…or even the head of the council, you proposed the idea of especially trained anbu called ROOT  
the idea was ignored since you used cruel methods of crushing one's soul and emotions so yeah…I'll cut to the chase buddy  
why the fuck am I here?"  
danzo swallowed and cleared his throat  
'if this is the kage…I can't imagine the soldiers…'  
"I want to make an alliance between our villages uzukage-sama"  
"…fine but I have my conditions"  
"name them"  
"konoha will be completely ours  
lands, forces and soldiers, hospital, academy….even the cactus tree you're growing in the mansion garden  
all ours"  
"…do you think these matters are something of a joke derp?" danzo stated, clearly pissed  
"yeah  
we offered the same to the people of mist and they said yes in a heartbeat"  
"well we're not some useless village that even has no leader and the only use of it is trade"  
"well I guess that's that  
I'm so going to the fucking beach man  
it sucks balls of flame here" he shrugged as he left the room  
"….damn you…" danzo whispered to himself  
"OH I forgot" derp came back in  
"do you wanna get hostile with us?  
cuzz I don't wanna read or sign some shitty letter later"  
"no uzukage-sama….not quite yet"  
"hmm…I like your attitude  
know your enemy first before you strike huh?" derp smiled and showed danzo his magic finger  
"I see a konoha ninja that doesn't enter through the main gates, I'll personally kill him with this finger and send him AND this finger to you in a body bag"  
"if you don't mind uz-"  
derp slammed the door and cut danzo's speech in the middle  
"WE'RE NOT HOSTILE NOR FRIENDLY  
JUST NEUTRALS…THAT WANNA FUCK THE SHIT OUT OF EACH OTHER" he shouted from the other side  
danzo rubbed his eyes  
'what is he a kid?...'

**UZUKAGE MANSION**

Derp appeared in a red blur and found himself in a room full of people  
"yo….it's not my birthday so what the fuck?"  
"how did it go?" tsunade asked the question on everyone's mind  
"well…the way I saw it…." Derp looked at the ceiling and back at tsunade  
"I went in through the gates as you asked  
I went to the hokage room  
I asked him if he wants to be friends or not  
he said lets be neutral for a while  
and here I am" he grinned  
"FUCK" naruto screamed  
"YOU KILLED SOME OF HIS MEN WHO WERE PROBABLY ROOTS HE SENT TO SPY ON YOU AND YOU PISSED HIM OFF TO NO END?"  
"yo….that's some deeeeeeep insight  
how'd you know?"  
"well…before I begin, you've colored my completely white kage robe red…..now  
you walked THROUGH THE GATES…that means danzo saw you and he wanted to spy on you if I know him right  
you went TO THE HOKAGE ROOM with blood all over my robe the way I see it  
you looked at his face and thought to yourself ' oh this is going to be so much fun when I bust his balls' and you pissed the shit out of him…with something involving that fucking fuck finger of yours  
am I right or am I right?"  
"….you missed the part where I slammed the door in his speech"  
"**FUCK…wait...**you did what?**"**

**THREE MONTHS LATER**

Naruto's kingdom was growing and so was he  
he improved his training schedules with all the knowledge his family had left him and kurama helped enhance his abilities further and taught him a few kick-ass jutsus worthy of a kage  
he also found more clues on his family's dark secret….the ultimate eye  
after weeks of research and confining himself in the archive room, naruto found a picture of the eye  
since it was extremely old and it was drawn with a pencil, all he could make out were round circle shaped lines around the pupil with tomoes in them  
with this eye, no genjutsu could work on him  
he could absorb all ninjutsu that were in his blood elements and to top it off, he had bird's eye vision…more like eagle's eye the way it was described  
the mist was no more since it had joined uzugakure and now, naruto's village was a big trade country but what he needed was more power  
his alliance with the sand was excellent and in a year, naruto would go to the sand and sign a treaty with them  
by connecting a river to the sand village, they will have a river running right in the middle of the village and no one would die of drought anymore  
the 'one year' problem was the construction  
it's not easy to build a giant pipe line connecting mist to sand and from there to swirl  
the POWER part of the village though….naruto received a letter from the raikage, seeking an audience with him…well…he also got one from the mizukage of the water country but rai comes first  
he had just finished putting on his kage robes…more like his father's  
he had designed it to be a coat like his father's, the yondaime hokage  
but instead, he put blazing swirls at the lower end of the coat and behind it, he wrote '_SHODAIME UZUKAGE'_  
he went out of his room with the robes on and tayuya whistled  
"if hinata wasn't here honey…I'd bang you to death in a heartbeat"  
"well than it's a good thing she's here" hinata stated, clearly angry with tayuya picking on his naruto-kun  
"thank you tayu-chan  
what do you think hina-chan?" naruto smiled and turned around  
"it….it looks good on you naruto-kun"  
"awww you stuttered  
you're so cute when you do that"

**SWIRL VILLAGE GATES (I'm sick of writing uzugakure)**

"well…wish us luck" naruto put his kage hat on and waved at the crowd  
all of swirl would see their beloved kage out every time he wanted to leave  
"**yaaay I swear to god if you weren't the kage I'd bust your balls do you see the way the girls wave at you?**" kura whispered with killer intent leaking off of him  
"guh….disgraceful…where are you looking at kurama-san?" hiashi looked away with his face red  
"**oh shut up"**

**RAIGAKURE OUTSKIRTS…..skirts….**

"**okay…from the top bro"  
**"you have my heart  
and we'll never be torn apart  
mayb-"  
"SHUT THE FUCK UP  
YOU'VE BEEN SINGING THAT SONG SINCE WE LEFT AND YOU STILL THINK YOU CAN DO BETTER NEXT TIME" hiashi roared in anger  
**"yo…I think someone's having a meltdown"  
**"well…at least we're here"  
"GAH…" hiashi ran a hand through his hair  
'thank god'  
and behind the opened gates stood the raikage in all his awesomeness with a weird smile on him  
"uzukage-sama  
it's so nice to finally meet you" raikage went forward and shaked hands warmly with naruto  
"yo  
I'm naruto  
this is kurama my bro  
and this is-"  
"the advisor  
an honor to be in your presence raikage-sama" hiashi bowed  
"why thank you  
where are my manners  
come, let's go to my room"

**RAI MANSION – RAIKAGE ROOM**

The first thought on the mind of naruto was  
'holy shit'  
the room was four times big as naruto's shitty apartment in konoha and it had ornaments and hand made designer couches  
not to mention the walls had a thundery design of black and yellow  
"please take a seat on my lucci couch…handmade of course" he winked at the camera  
"so raikage…why am I here?" naruto got to the point and threw his hat on a table…probably handmade since it had golden linings  
"look naruto-san…I know you don't have the best of relations with konoha and-"  
"look rai-san…I'll get to the point for ya  
join me  
as in, become a part of the swirl nation I'm trying to build  
I already have mist and sand will be mine in a year  
all that's left is you, mizu and iwa...well...we uzumaki have something against iwa...anyway...please save me the trouble"  
"yes…I was going to talk about that….this NATION you're trying to raise" he poured everyone a drink except naruto…who is underage  
"I was interested in your nation as long as it goes to the great point of uniting the nations  
to be honest, I'm quite sick of this endless cycle of war and madness  
what I'm saying is-"  
"WUZZUUUUUUUP?"  
bee bustled through the door and naruto got hit with a ton of nostalgia  
'ah hell no he didn't'  
"yo…this a bad time?"  
**"hello bee"** kurama got up and walked towards the eighth vessel  
"yo cra-" his speech was cut short when his bijuu started whispering in his ear  
"AH HELL NO YOU AIN'T  
YOU DA NINTH BIJUU?"  
**"yo"**  
"what?" raikage's glass of wine fell from his hand  
"y..you're the ninth bijuu?  
but you're just a human"  
**"I'm in my human form dickwall  
and as for you my dear bull-octopus hybrid friend…we need to talk" **and kura put his hand on bee's head  
"well…shall we join sometime later?  
say…after I get amegakure?"  
"amegakure?  
but that's…" and it hit him  
"wait…how old are you again?"  
"I don't have a glass but I'd cheer to the nation that will rise above all…hey…where's hiashi?"

**RAIGAKURE – SILKY MITTENS**

Hiashi sipped his saki as he watched the strippers dance in front of him  
"oh this is just too good"

**THUNDER MANSION**

"anyways, can I talk to bee in private?"  
"oh sure"  
'thank god…maybe I'll be able to finally enjoy some saki without him annoying me'  
"soooo…bee…how's the eighth bijuu doing?"  
"he whines from time to time but he's all good  
say-"  
"raikage-sama" a blonde girl, who looked only a few years older than naruto entered without knocking  
"eh?" she looked at naruto, than at kurama  
her eyes grew big as ramen bowls  
**"let me guess…you have mittens in ya"  
**the blonde's cheeks turned red  
kurama knew what was going on  
the two tailed bijuu was whispering in her ear and she clearly was embarrassed at what she was hearing  
**"DON'T GIVE HER ANY DETAILS OR I SWEAR I'LL PUMP YOUR WOMB FULL OF-"  
"my womb full of what?...kyuubi-sama"  
**naruto recognized from her voice that she was taken over by her inner animal (the irony,huh?)  
"meet the village's nibi container-"  
"we don't really have much time  
it can't be good for a kage to leave his village leaderless for too long  
let's get this over with" and naruto took two, 3 pronged kunai out of his pockets

**OROCHIMARU'S HIDEOUT**

"soon…you and I shall merge and be one…forever, together" orochimaru licked himself  
on the ceiling stood the one person you would never expect  
"do you always talk to yourself you little shit?  
and why the fuck do you lick yourself?"  
"oh shut up  
it's not like YOU of all people would understand  
the JOY of having your own tongue crawl about around your body" he shivered  
"gawd…I swear if you weren't going to prove useful to me I wouldn't even be here" the figure slowly began to disappear"  
"good luck with your plans…derp-sama"

* * *

...no comment


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20 dear readers…great promises for this chapter :D  
and lemon alert…well…doesn't really deserve to be called lemon with what I have planned

**UZUKAGE MANSION – DAY AFTER NARUTO'S 18****TH**** B-DAY**

"NARUTO  
you won't believe what I just got from shizune" tsunade rushed in without knocking  
"ah..yes…gr…I'm listening"  
something seemed wrong to tsunade  
naruto didn't like sitting behind the chair since it usually meant paperwork  
"naruto?"  
a blushing tayuya crawled out from behind the table and ran out of the room and put yondaime hokage to shame with her speed  
"err…yo?"  
tsunade dropped shizune's letter on the table and also ran out the door  
'somehow…I don't think she ran out of sadness…anger?'  
naruto opened the scroll and read the contents  
two minutes passed and nothing happened…three minutes…five…ten…HALF AN HOUR  
"**FUCKAAAAAAAAAAH"  
**kurama kicked the door down, showing everyone waiting behind the door…even neji !  
"**REACT TO THE FUCKING LETTER ALREADY"  
**neji activated his byakugan and sighed  
"it's a clone  
the real one is….in his house"  
"awww" hanabi dropped her camera and hiashi crushed his kanon 3d hybrid he specially bought for this moment

**NARUTO'S HOUSE**

Naruto only came here when he was in trouble  
like one time he entered the mansion hotspring and found hinata and tsunade bathing…oh yeah…he ran naked all the way across swirl village from the terror that was tsunade  
**"knock knock" **kurama said lazily from the window  
"not now fox…"  
"..." kurama scratched his chin  
"….FUCK  
who's there?"  
"**naruto**"  
"naruto who?"  
"**naruto who's gonna go save his dear teammate from the creep that is orochimaru**"  
"….not funny"  
"**oh come on  
this is your big chance to finally clean your slate in konoha"  
**"…I don't think I wanna do that"  
"THAT, and I won't allow it" derp spoke from the ceiling with his coat hanging  
**"what?  
why not?"  
**"call me a motherfucker but naruto needs to go to mizugakure…pronto  
as in, get-off-your-fucking-in-a-dillema-ass right now and get ready fucker…and I hope you're not already drained since yesterday was your b-day"  
"well…actually…I AM bro  
as if five wasn't enough last night, a drunk tsunade came in after hinata  
and this morning, tayu blew me twice"  
"FUCKING SONUVA BITCH  
ARE YOU HERE TO GET LAID OR RUN A VILLAGE?…fuck…kura  
sorry in advance" derp jumped down  
**"for what-"  
**derp's hand glew green as he punched kurama and threw him towards naruto  
naruto opened his arms to grab him but to his surprise, he passed through  
he looked back but kura wasn't there  
he tried looking around the room but no sign of the red haired demon  
"where is he?"  
"in you…again  
oh the irony  
anyways  
he should help you with the stamina you'll need bro  
meet me by the gates in an hour"

**KONOHA MANSION – DANZO'S ROOM**

"okay everyone  
a spy of mine from the sound has found the location of orochimaru's hideout  
I've already sent out a team but since I've lost contact, I'm sending you  
do NOT fail me"  
yamato,kakashi,sai,sakura, ino, tenten and haku bowed and disappeared

**SOUND-LEAF BORDER**

"fuck me  
that took longer than expected huh?" hidan laughed to himself  
"shut up faggot" sasori's tail wavered in the air  
"sigh…what are you? Kids?" itachi facepalmed  
the group known as akatsuki stood before a clearing covered with blood and slashed and burnt body-parts of twenty root anbu members  
"derp-sama will be pleased…moe" deidara chuckled  
"you know…I liked it more when you said 'hmm' at the end" kisame groaned  
"derp-sama likes the word and I fell in love with the art of the word so now, I'm using it too  
problem?"  
"go fuck yourselves  
I'm outta here" itachi jumped away  
"seriously…get a life bitches" zetsu sank into the ground  
"see ya later cock suckers" pain and his clones said in unison and all of akatsuki scattered

**SWIRL GATES**

'mhm…I see…thank you ko-chan  
I'll bring your reward with me when I come back'  
'_can't wait derp-sama' _she cheerfully giggled in derp's head  
"yo" naruto's words cut derp's trail of thought and also his communication with konan  
"took ya long enough  
let's move…oh and…don't freak out when you see the mizukage"  
"how come?"  
"she's almost a replica of your mom…except a few differences with her hairstyle  
red-head, nice tits, nicer ass, sexy voice  
it's all top notch"  
naruto glared at his companion  
"I mean…top notch as in…completely look-alikes"  
"SHODAIME-SAMA" a crowd appeared behind the gates  
"DON'T YOU PEOPLE HAVE ANYTHING TO DO ?" derp screamed in anger

**THE GRUESOME SCENE…for some who are not geniuses**

"hmm…these are excellent cuts…almost as if a flaming scythe tore through silk" yamato murmured to himself  
sai was drawing erotic manga as always with kakashi SAGELY advising him on the details and the girls were digging graves for their fallen allies  
"how long has It been again?"  
"ah don't start again ino-chan"  
"why not haku?"  
"c'mon, I miss him too but…"  
'naruto…' sakura's thoughts drifted away

**FLASHBACK**

It was the day after naruto was banished and sakura entered her room  
"hmm?  
who left this here?"  
she opened the box and found a strange three pronged kunai with a letter next to it  
'yo  
it's me, naruto  
I know you hate my guts but…if you ever needed me, as in  
a life or death situation  
throw this and I'll be there in a flash…literally  
best of wishes  
THE GREATEST NINJA THAT EVER WALKED THE EARTH'  
she giggled at the large and crappy font at the end

**SIX MONTHS LATER – KONOHA BORDERS**

Sakura was running madly from a group of bandits  
she had ran out of shuriken and kunai and the chakra she used to run was depleting  
"GOTCHA"  
and before she knew it, a club hit her in the stomach and threw her back  
she heard the disgusting laughter of men approaching him…closer and closer  
sakura began crying  
'this is it…I'm gonna get raped to death and get sold cheaply as a slave…sasuke-kun…kakashi-sensei…where are you…'  
and as the group of twisted and sick bastards drew closer and closer on sakura, it hit her  
naruto's kunai !  
she reached into her pocket and threw the kunai, not caring where it went  
"heh…mis-"  
"ISSEN"  
a male voice shouted and a fountain of blood replaced the club-bandit's head  
"yo  
I'm glad you took my advice" naruto grinned as he slashed his blade and cleaned the blood on it  
"naruto…"  
"GET THE FAGGOT"  
'oh HELL NO-'  
"YOU DID NOT JUST CALL ME A MOTHERFUCKING FAGGOT" naruto roared with all his might  
he started channeling chakra to his body and easily crushed any enemy's bones with a single punch  
'wow…he's beating them down like they're just rag-dolls' sakura thought to herself as if she wasn't about to get raped to death a few minutes ago  
a few minutes passed and naruto finished his work with the bandits  
"fucking dipshits….calling me faggot" naruto whispered and cursed to himself  
he cleaned the blood off his knuckles with a tissue paper as he walked towards sakura  
'wow…is it me or does naruto suddenly look hot?'  
"need a hand?" naruto held out his hand  
sakura was too shocked to do shit  
"…err…hand's getting kinda stiff"  
"Oh sorry" sakura used naruto's hand to pull himself off and mentally kicked herself for acting like an idiot  
"you okay?"  
"yeah  
my stomach hurts a lot though"  
"let's see…"  
naruto pulled her dress up without a care in the world and sakura turned red  
"yeow…nasty…cure-able but nasty"  
naruto put his hand on her scar from the club and sakura moaned  
'is it me or…has she run out of bitch-hormones?'  
he channeled chakra into his palm and it glowed green  
"h-healing chakra!  
but how?"  
"meh…does it matter?" naruto concentrated on the wound and didn't really feel comfy talking with someone who hated him for no reason  
the next few AWKWARD minutes passed silently as sakura's wound disappeared and her belly took it's slim and perfect tone  
"done  
you know the way back home so-"  
"WAIT" sakura grabbed naruto's sleeve  
'ahh shit'  
naruto was sucker for begging girls and almost gave in to tayuya for a blowjob…lucky for him, tsunade came to the rescue  
"c-can you…train me?"  
"now why would I do that?" naruto pulled his sleeve free and began walking away  
sakura on the other hand wasn't going to give up  
she began walking behind him

**THREE HOURS OF WALKING LATER**

"FUCKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH  
WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?"  
"train me"  
"get lost"  
"TRAIN ME"  
"NEVER  
I wouldn't train you even if you promised to give me your virginity"  
"..well…it's…a price I'm willing to pay…for t-training" she looked down, blushing  
'…think naruto  
would you really want to LITERALLY fuck her back for mistreating you for so long?'

**TWO POINT THIRY SIX SECONDS LATER**

"fine"  
"YAY" she hugged naruto  
even the author gets creeped out, let alone naruto  
"whoah" naruto pushed her away  
"I didn't say I'll start NOW  
go back to konoha for now  
I'll tell you what to do when the time is right  
and don't bother throwing that kunai around again because it's the last time I'm coming for you"

**THREE MONTHS LATER**

Sakura sat on her bed and kept throwing the kunai at the wall, took it out and threw it back again  
"do you know how fucking annoying it is to have a buzzing sound in your head for three hours?"  
naruto spoke from behind the window  
"awww  
I knew you'd come for me" she grinned  
'shit…she's changed a lot  
no sign of the fan bitch I knew'  
"go see shizune  
I can't stay in konoha for more than a minute"  
"shizune?  
I thought she left with tsunade"  
"yeah…might wanna go ask teuchi and ayame about that  
chao"

**FLASHBACK END**

"hehehe" ino giggled  
"you can stop fondling my breasts now ino"  
"aww but it's so fun when you blackout about whatever it is you think of and can't even noticed you're being molested"  
"all done team?" kakashi spoke with a red face  
"guh…what is this team?" haku facepalmed  
pakkun poofed into existence near kakashi's feet  
"I found one of them chief  
one mile northeast of you guys  
might wanna be careful though"  
"alright, thanks pakkun  
get ready team"

**MIZUKAGE'S ROOM**

"so I was trying to convince derp that raikage's actual name is A as in fucking A in A B C, and he was like-"  
Naruto, derp and terumi were chatting about the raikage's name but derp's head turned to the window and cut naruto's trail of speech  
"something wrong ?"  
"…I'm sorry but I'm going to have to disappear on you uzukage-sama, mizukage-sama  
toodles"  
**VOOSH  
**'shit…that only happens when he uses it for long distance transportations…I wonder…'  
"umm…a little help?" mizukage had fallen from the shockwave of the transportation jutsu  
'**kid…'  
**"sure" naruto held her hand and pulled her into his arms  
"OH…uzukage-sama…we shouldn't-"  
"oh shuddup"  
naruto nibbled on her neck and whispered into her ear  
"I know how you look at me when derp talks about the village and how you blush when I catch you staring"  
"..no…I didn't st-"  
she was cut off by a pair of lips that locked with her's  
'oh god…he feels so warm'  
she tore naruto's shirt away and squeezed any part of naruto's body that came into her hand  
'MY GOD…it feels soooo good'  
'**call me a motherfucker but is she having an orgasm from touching your man-packs?'  
**'oh I'll give her an orgasm…wait till she meets not-so-mini-naruto'  
naruto put her on the table and started tearing away her clothes as did she to him  
she kissed naruto's neck  
and the chest came after  
and his belly button  
when she undid her pant buttons and got facepalmed with a nine-inch cock…she knew she was in for it  
'fuck me…the smell…it's driving me MAD'  
'shit bro…she's sucking like her life depended on it'  
'**oh no need to thank my aphrodisiac toxins'  
**'…you need to teach me that…'

**A RICE SHOP IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE**

Kakuzu was chomping down his rice and fish until he sensed a spike over his head  
"derp-sama…what do I owe this honor-"  
derp stomped kakuzu's face in the ground with his foot as he fell from the ceiling  
"WHAT THE FUCK….did I tell you about hiding your filthy scent you little shit?"  
he took his foot off to let him breath and noticed everyone staring at him  
"what?  
you live in a world where humans can breathe fire with their chakra  
what's so weird about this?"  
everyone thought about it for a moment…and it made sense!  
"I'm sorry  
I wasn't expect-"  
"shuddup…fuck…" he walked out of the rice shop  
"…oh well  
can I have another bowl of rice and fish?"

**A FEW HUNDRED METERS AWAY**

Derp looked at the rice shop  
"hmm…it's not that wide…well  
it'll have to do since I can sense them coming already"  
he took out a scroll from his coat and threw it on the ground  
as the scroll unfolded itself, a small pillar of orange light with a hexagon on it rose out of the scroll  
and at the same time, a giant orange hexagon seal appeared over the rice shop with curses and symbols all over it  
**"heed me O great powers of darkness  
in the name of your god, lend me your power"** derp continued his speech and his right hand started turning black with scorch marks on it, as if it had lava running through it  
**"CRUSHING DEVIL FIST"  
**derp punched through the hexagon on the pillar of light and his hand sinked into it  
a few seconds passed…  
**BOOM**

**WITH KAKASHI'S TEAM**

'holy shit…was that a spike?'  
it sure as hell didn't feel like one since he and his team paused to catch their breaths  
"sweet mother of god…" yamato was panting

**BACK TO DERP**

From the hexagon over the rice shop, a fist was sticking out, much like what derp's hand looked like a second ago, only big as a giant mansion at the least  
**"hooh…"** he took his arm out of the light beam and the giant arm was also drawn back into it's seal  
a few seconds passed and so did the light beam…the floating symbol…and the freaking rice shop  
"as cool as it looks…it's a real drain" he adjusted his glasses  
**VOOSH**

**MIZUKAGE'S ROOM**

"sorry for…oh" derp looked at the scenery before him  
scratches all over the tables, couches EVEN the walls and an unconscious naked red-head with a panting blonde putting his pants on  
"seriously…how long did she last?"  
"two gallons which would be six times at least…and she didn't want me to take it out of her  
her stomach bulged out like a pregnant lady by the end of it"  
"yeah I kinda noticed from the white river flowing out of her ass dude  
damn…she must've really been a real strict-bitch as a mizukage  
lucky for her, you appeared to fuck the stress and the shit out of her"  
"…I'll take that as a compliment…whoah bro  
what happened to your sleeve?"  
"hmm?" derp noticed his coat's sleeve was burnt off  
'shit…'  
"I fisted a succubus?"  
"…makes sense  
I mean come on  
we live in a world where you can breathe fire right?"  
"now where have I heard that before?" derp grinned  
'yeah bullshit  
I didn't trust ya-'  
'**since the moment you knew about me-'  
**'and your common use of hiraishin only pissed-'  
**'us off more'**  
"but seriously bro…what the fuck are you going to do now?  
you've got an unconscious, naked and semen-flowing-out-of-the-ass mizukage on your hands"  
"ehehe" naruto scratched his head  
"…fuck me" derp lifted her off the ground and teleported to her room  
'damn you…how DARE you use my father's jutsu like it's an everyday hobby?'  
'**keep it cool kiddo  
all in good time'**

**A WEEK LATER – OROCHIMARU'S DEN**

"oh?  
how nice of sasuke-kun to visit uncle orochi at midnight  
what can I do for you?" orochimaru licked his lips and I-write-in-bold-font : **SMILED **at the young teenager  
"well…" sasuke shoved a thunder-charged sword into his head  
"you CAN'T do anything even if you wanted to"  
orochimaru fell limply on his bed and sasuke walked away  
"**SASUKEEEEE"  
**sasuke jumped and evaded a white snake version of orochimaru's bite…lick…combo…attack  
**"the power of sharingan is…MIIINE"  
**"hmph" sasuke let orochimaru swallow him whole

**FLASHBACK**

"remember sasuke  
once he swallows you, you enter his ass…literally…if you look back, you can see the inside of his anus  
anyway  
as he tries to take over your body, use the sharingan to take control and beat him"  
"hmph…why are you doing this?"  
"cuzz once he's dead, I'm going to take control of sound" derp grinned and adjusted his glasses

**FLASHBACK END**

Sasuke looked back just to make sure  
'oh…mother…of…god'  
he saw orochimaru's anus and it appeared to be beating  
'oh fuck..i'm gonna throw up'  
"**like what you see sasuke-kuuun?"  
**(I'm going to skip the rest dear readers because when sasuke takes over control, orochimaru's ass will melt and he'll die…I don't want to describe it and get into details)

**SOUND MANSION**

Derp sat on his throne of snakes and smiled at the pile of flesh that WERE the guards  
"hmhmhm…iwa…ame…sound…all that's left is konoha"  
a knock on the door was heard  
"oh  
please do come in"  
akatsuki minus kakuzu plus tobi entered  
"thank you for knocking  
it's really irritating when someone just kicks the door down like there's chaos in town"  
they all kneeled before him…except tobi  
he hugged derp  
"derp-onii-sama" he cheerfully fan-screamed  
"okay…who voted for him to enter akatsuki again?"  
everyone raised their hands  
"….i hate you guys…but I like your method of torturing me indirectly"

**KONOHA – DANZO'S ROOM**

"so…you're telling me…after you sensed the so called MEGA-SPIKE, the rice shop on the map just…whoosh  
disappeared?"  
"err…yeah?" kakashi closed his book and answered lazily  
"…shit"  
danzo wasn't exactly in his best mood  
the world he knew was splitting apart and he regretted not accepting swirl's offer to join them  
almost all of west except mizu was under his supreme reign but he knew it wouldn't take long for him to take that too  
"hokage-sama  
there's a man called…derp…behind the door, waiting for you  
he also has-"  
*knock knock*  
'hmm…this could be my chance'  
"come in"  
"_sigh_…you're supposed to say 'who's there?' motherfucker"  
'guh…my stomach hurts again'  
*knock knock*  
"who's there?"  
"power"  
"power who?"  
BANG  
derp kicked the doors open and revealed a group of s-ranked nuke-nins in a crappy power ranger pose  
"POWER RANGERS – NINJA FORCE"  
"…." Kakashi's team and danzo…even the anbu facepalmed  
"what the fuck does that even mean?" itachi regretted joining the pose and was thinking about haragiri  
"how the fuck am I supposed to know bro?" he sat down on the couch  
"all I know is, I'm here for konoha and I ain't leaving without it"  
"tough words for a mis-" danzo felt his lungs tighten  
derp was pointing his finger at him  
"tch…pathetic…how many sharingan eyes do you have under all those bandages danzo?  
do you think that you can escape the consequences?" derp got up and began walking towards him  
'shit' kakashi and yamato were about to reach for their pockets but yamato was stopped by a scythe from hidan and tobi pinned kakashi to the wall  
"yo  
tobi is a good boy"  
"…I was saying" derp dropped his finger and oxygen entered danzo's veins again  
"I'm here for konoha" he took off his glasses and closed his eyes  
"and I AM NOT leaving **without it"  
**derp opened his eyes and revealed a pair of eyes with round circles around the pupil and red tomoe on the lines  
the ultimate eye  
"h..h-how?  
it's imP-"  
derp pointed two fingers at danzo and he felt like his inside were on fire  
"you see…since you have about…I dunno…TEN sharingan in your body, the pain you fell now should be about five folds of a normal uchiha"  
"who..kh…who are you?"  
derp pointed all finger at danzo and smiled  
"I'M A GOOFY GOOBER" and he clenched his hand in a fist  
a small popping sound was heard and everyone could guess what happened  
danzo fell to the floor like a puppet  
his heart had exploded in its place…literally  
"now than…" derp put his glasses back on  
"the world is split in half like I wanted it..hmm…I think it's time to let the game begin  
but before that, ino, haku, sakura, teuchi and ayame, shizune who's hiding with them and tenten  
all of them are banished from konoha…hmm…no wait…gawd  
it's so hard being a god-king"  
derp sat on the hokage's seat and akatsuki kneeled again  
kakashi and yamato were wondering what the fuck just happened and the anbu...he just wanted to go home  
"hmm…escort them to swirl…once there, tell them they're banished from konoha HONORABLY and tell naruto to come meet me in konoha"  
"HAI" akatsuki disappeared in a blur  
which left derp, kakashi and yamato alone  
"….so you guys know how to make coffee?"  
"err…yeah?"  
"and chess?"  
"pretty much"  
"I was best in my class" yamato raised his hand  
"YOU'RE ON MOTHERFUCKER…and kakashi  
can you put some ice-cream in my coffee instead of sugar?"  
"_sigh…_yes hokage-sama"  
"thanks bro  
now  
where dafuq did I put my chessboard?"

**SWIRL – NARUTO'S ROOM**

Naruto laid on his bed and stared at the ceiling  
'what now?'  
**'err…I dunno  
but I DO know that you're asking derp to get me the fuck outta here'  
**naruto sighed  
he couldn't wait to figure derp out and find a reason to go against him  
'…what the?'  
naruto felt his bed vibrate  
it wasn't just his bed  
the whole room was shaking  
'kura?'  
**'I don't know  
It's not a quake  
I can't even feel any chakra…wait…what's that next to the window'  
**"hm?" he noticed black dust-like matter spinning around one point  
"fuck me…"  
**VROOOM  
**naruto was sucked into a black hole and it disappeared as soon as he was sucked into it

* * *

...well...this is pretty much...WHERE YOU ALL BOW DOWN AND BEG FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER XDDDD  
just kidding  
i'll write six thousand words for the next chapter since...i don't want to give you GENIUSES a cliffhanger


	21. Chapter 21

This chapter will be entitled to what happened between akatsuki and derp so…if you wanna skip, go right ahead since it's just explanations and does NYUT have much influence on the main story except the last few lines

**AKATSUKI HIDEOUT – AMEGAKURE – AMEKAGE'S ROOM**

"I win" itachi showed his hand…royal flush  
"FUCK" derp threw his hand on the table  
"I'm SO motherfucking glad I killed the motherfucker who invented this game  
gawd  
dafuq is this?"  
"well…you just got bad luck boss" kisame scratched his butt with samehada  
"cheer up derp-onii-sama  
I even held back for your sake" tobi showed his hand and it was another royal flush  
"fuck…is that even possible?  
what's your hand sasori?"  
"err…."  
"no….no…FUCK NO...RAGGED ASS MOTHERFUCKING BITCH RAPING **HELL NO…**what is it?"  
"royal f-"  
"**FUCK" **derp threw the table over and disappeared in a blue blur  
"so…I'm just curious but…how did derp-san join the akatsuki?"  
everyone snorted and itachi even chuckled !  
"whoah whoah whoah whoah whoah whoah WHOAH…. Whoah motherfucker  
he DID NOT join akatsuki  
he named it, created it, he even fucking designed these kick-ass robes and he individually chose us all"  
tobi turned his chair around and everyone sat on the mega-couch in front of him (mega since it was also a massager)  
"I'll go first" hidan lit his cigar and coughed  
"let's see…"

**FLASHBACK – SOME YEARS AGO – FORESTS OF IWA**

"hehehe…jashin-sama wants your blood"  
hidan had pinned a kunoichi to the tree with his scythe through her chest and she was losing consciousness from blood loss  
"now…" hidan ripped her pants off and eventually, her panties  
"duck?...hmm…not a bad choice" he threw the panties away and stared at her entrance  
"mm…don't stare…it…it's embarrassing"  
"oh shut up  
you've got a scythe in your chest and you're worried about KH-" hidan's head felt like it was just hit with a million volts by the raikage  
"yo"  
'**RUN, RUN AWAY FROM HIM'  
**hidan's eyes opened wide as he heard his god, jashin so scared  
he barely managed to turn his head around with the pain he felt  
there stood a man in blue coat with matching blue pants and a black shirt that said "bad-ass motherfucker"  
"hmm…nice hit on the chest there buddy…clean…strong…wanna join my tea-party club?"  
"KH…who..who are you?"  
**"I'm your new god" **derp's voice changed as did his eyes  
"join me…and I'll grant you, **TRUE immortality"  
**hidan's headache dies away as did the girl  
he got on all fours and crawled to derp and kissed his feet  
"my god…what shall I call you?"  
"derp"  
"…DAFUQ?  
couldn't you have a cooler name like chuck or some shit?"  
derp facepalmed  
"it's not my real name JACKASS"

**FLASHBACK END**

"yep…and that's how I met him….shit…is this really a cigar?"  
"nope  
that's derp's bloody-mary"  
"HOLY SHIT" hidan crushed the marisomething under his foot and opened a window  
"okay…my turn" kisame shifted in his place

**FLASHBACK – MIDDLE OF THE OCEAN **

Kisame sat on the surface of the water and was in a meditating pose  
"yo"  
he decided to ignore the fucker  
"…must be pretty strong to be sitting on a water with such a depth  
the name's derp and I'd like to ask you to join my club"  
"no"  
"oh come on  
it'll be so cool  
I've alreay got a few people and we're all s-rank nukenin"  
kisame put his hand on the ocean surface and grimaced  
"…seriously?"  
a giant shark the size of a house appeared underwater and swallowed derp whole  
"god I love that summon…hm?"  
the shark hadn't completely sank back into the water when it's stomach ripped wide open and derp jumped out, holding his yamato unsheated  
"that…was my favorite shark MOTHERFUCKER" kisame got up  
"tch" derp unleashed his killer intent and chakra with a slash of his blade  
"Kphh" kisame felt foam getting ready to come out of his mouth  
'what power…it feels like standing next to a god'  
as derp sheathed his blade and sealed it, the killer intent and chakra went down and kisame managed to get back on his feet  
"_pant…pant…_I'm so fucking in"  
"see?  
all's well that ends well…except for your shitty excuse for a fish…see ya" **VOOM  
**"FUCKAAAAAAAAAH"

**FLASHBACK END**

"and that's pretty much it…gimme that motherfucker" kisame took the bloody mary from samehada and inhaled deeply  
"well…mine isn't much" sasori…the red-head one sniffed coke and laughed  
"we just had a contest to see who can make a puppet faster and he won"  
"bullshit dude  
I was there  
what he made ATE your bitch-puppet whole" deidara smirked  
"wanna share your story mr.i love to pee on little children?" sasori laughed as he pointed at deidara  
"I will" derp appeared behind the amekage table  
"I brought some presents for Christmas" he took out a bag of white flour from his sleeve seal  
"ALL HAIL DERP" akatsuki cheered  
"yeah yeah…_SNIFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF   
_ah fuck yeah that's some nice shizznet  
now…deidara _sniff"_

**FLASHBACK – OVER SOME RANDOM VILLAGE I'M MAKING UP AND NAMED IT HIDDEN SHIT VILLAGE**

Derp was flying on his clay bird lazily  
"hmm…so weird…I'm not feeling artistic at all  
all I feel is…piss…hmm  
wait….hmmm  
shit?...hmmm  
nope…just piss"  
he stood up and unzipped his pants and did his job  
"ah fuck yeah….hmmm"  
"UWAAAAAH"  
"eh?" he finished and looked down  
where he was pissing, stood a little boy…probably five…no way to tell  
"yeesh…I was gonna recruit you but…FUCK dude  
pissing on kids?" derp spoke on the head of the bird  
"how did you get there?  
and it's not MY fault  
it's in the middle of the forest…hmm"  
"what's wrong bab-  
oh shit you smell like piss  
did you pee yourself again?"  
"this is embarrassing  
let's get outta here" derp put his hand on deidara's shoulder and **VOOM**

**HIDDEN….err…ANUS VILLAGE (orochimaru's birthplace)**

"dang dude  
pissing on kids?  
not cool"  
"OH COME ON  
I was feeling down and not so artistic and…what the fuck do you want anyway?"  
"I want you to join me motherfucker…but before that…I know you have something like a mouth on your hands and chest to make atomic clay but...here's the thing  
do you have one on your ass too?"  
BONK  
"fuck dude  
fine  
no need to blow  
so you wanna join or what?"  
"meh…I dunno..hmm"  
"…moe?"  
deidara's eyes turned into rasengan balls  
"what did you just say?"  
"well..you say hmm all the time so I decided to say moe  
problem?"  
"it's…it's….BEAUTIFUL  
it's all of my life gathered in three words  
I'm yours to command master…moe"  
"actually my name's derp and not moe"  
"yes derp-sama….moe"  
"okay this is confusing"

**FLASHBACK END**

"yep…pretty awesome…._snifffff"__**  
**_samehada burped  
"don't overdose bro" kisame grinned  
"aherm" itachi made his presence known  
he pointed at kakuzu's so-called-ashes-in-a-box  
"how did onii-sama find kakuzu?"  
"yeesh…I caught him in an alley  
he was using all his tentacles to try and be a hentai monster and molest a little girl but…meh  
I kinda love little girls for personal-life reasons so…I beat the shit out of him before asking him to join me  
who's next?"  
"only itachi-sama…pain-sama…me and zetsu"  
"aren't you guys supposed to be on a mission or some shit?"  
"oh come on  
just tell us about itachi and we'll go onii-sama"  
"fuck…._sniff_…I was beginning to run out of power-flour so…_sniff"_

**FLASHBACK – NIGHT OF THE UCHIHA MASSACRE**

Itachi was tree-jumping along the trees away from his home  
eventually….away from konoha  
tears were streaming down his face and he couldn't care less about it  
"yo"  
the whisper cut itachi's trail of thoughts and he halted immediately  
"what do you want?"  
"I want YOU"  
'shit' itachi jumped and the tree he was standing on burned in blazes soon after  
"FIRE ROCKET"  
'WHAT?' itachi didn't have enough time to think of a plan so all he could do was take the fireball head-on  
he crossed his arms in front of his face and crouched  
'…nothing?'  
"pff…HAHAHAHAHA" derp was holding his stomach from pain  
"you should've seen the look on your ass"  
'genjutsu?  
I couldn't even sense it…heck I couldn't even sense a chakra enter me or surround me'  
"you are not human…are you?" itachi drew his bloody sword  
"well…" derp got up and scratched his head  
"you can't call me human…nor demon…nor angel  
call me derp" he held his hand up for a handshake  
"I'll just call you DEAD" itachi disappeared  
"tch" derp caught itachi's thrust with his bare hand  
'what the hell?  
he doesn't even care?'  
itachi's eyes twitched from frustration as derp smiled  
he didn't care a kodachi was sticking through his palm and was an inch away from his eyeball  
"my name's derp and not dead itachi-san  
and you're the last piece of my puzzle so I would really appreciate it if you joined me without any further resistances"  
"and if I say no?"  
derp used his other hand to draw the blade out and adjusted his glasses  
"I'll just trap your brother in a genjutsu where he sees his clan die all the time  
and just when he's about to break mentally…I'll change the genjutsu into a rape-house where he gets raped till he REALLY breaks" derp's smile turned into a grin that put orochimaru to shame  
"…" itachi sheathed his blade and gripped the scabbard till his knuckles turned white  
"fine"  
"see?  
all's well that ends well….except for my…hand…"  
"…yeah…sorry about that"  
"FUCKKKKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAH"

**FLASHBACK END**

"ouch…onii-sama is really really cruel"  
"oh the irony  
he killed his clan in a heartbeat and you call me cruel for simple persuasion?"  
"you wouldn't understand" itachi looked out the window  
'oh but I do  
who do you think killed hiruzen's advisor, took his form and agreed that YOU would be the one to kill your OWN family?'  
"what about pain and zetsu?"  
"meh…can someone get me a coffee?  
my throat is sore"  
"ice cream or milk?" sasori groaned  
"…I changed my mind  
hot chocolate with ice cream in it"

**FLASHBACK – TIME OF AMEGAKURE'S CIVIL WAR**

"nagato…the odds are against us  
there's no way we can win"  
"he's right nagato  
please don't sacrifice all our men just be-"  
"SHUT UP" nagato roared with his rinnegan on fire  
"we're right at the base of the enemy and you're telling me to stop?"  
"yo"  
the three looked up and before derp could open his mouth, he was swarmed with papers  
"mmmfff"  
"phew…I got him"  
"good job konan"  
"thanks"  
"he needs to die" nagato grimaced  
"booo" konan stuck her tongue out  
"come on bro  
no need to be a bummer  
cheer her up for crap's sake"  
"damn" derp patted konan's shoulder  
"that clone must've suffocated by now huh?"  
konan, nagato and yahiko disappeared in a poof  
"OH REAL MATURE GUYS  
THAT'S REAL MATURE" derp ironically spoke to himself  
he raised his hand and snapped his finger  
his clone exploded and scattered all the papers  
"now…" derp caught one of the less-damaged papers  
"where are you?" he sniffed it and licked the paper  
"kehe…seems I got a good part of your body...now to manipulate it and..."

**OUTSIDE THE CAVE**

"hmm" konan held back a moan and fell to the ground on her knees  
"konan!" yahiko got on his knees  
"you okay?"  
"he…he's got my-"  
"**VAGINAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH"  
**nagato's head turned to the cave  
'holy-'  
before he could re-act, a kick to the face from derp broke his jaw  
"DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO GET OUT OF RINNEGAN'S GENJUTSU WORLD MOTHERFUCKER?"  
konan and yahiko tensed  
'he did what?'  
a few minutes passed and derp stopped stomping nagato's face into the ground…yahiko and konan were scared shitless  
"now…why was I here again?  
ah  
why don't you join my group?...yeesh…why is your tongue sticking out?"  
"err…cuzz you kicked him half to death?" yahiko stated the obvious  
"….shit"

**THREE DAYS LATER**

"SO…now that I've healed your sorry ass…wanna join my group?"  
"of course i'm not gonna join you" nagato deadpanned derp in three words  
"come on bro  
I'll even help you with your shitty little campaign"  
"kinda hard to accept an offer where you insult the deal eh?"  
"fuck…look…even if by some fucking miracle you actually manage to kill hanzo, I'm gonna kill your asses and have ame to myself so save me the trouble and join me"  
"nagato?" konan rubbed his bandaged shoulders  
nagato got off his bed and punched derp in the face  
"WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR?"  
"for stomping my face in of course"  
"oh…so is that a yes?"  
"no"  
"FUCK"  
"erm…derp-san?"  
"what?"  
"can I have..m-my…p.."  
"say it" derp smiled  
"paper back?"  
"…..i hate this group" derp dropped the paper and disappeared in blue smokes

**DAY OF BATTLE**

yahiko's lifeless body lied next to nagato's feet  
konan was crying over his lifeless body like there was no tomorrow  
"are you happy now?" derp rose out of the ground  
"…." Nagato didn't accept the fact  
"all you need to do…is join me  
and I'll not only crush your enemy right now" he looked at hanzo sitting over his salamander  
"I'll show you all the secrets of the rinnegan and how to have your brother back"  
"_sniff_…nagato?"  
"…yes  
I'll join you  
I'll do anything you want  
just…do it"  
"nike…classic" derp smiled at the camera  
"now….**where were we?"  
**derp drew his blade and walked towards the poison master

**FLASHBACK END**

"woooooooow  
onii-sama is so cooooooooool" tobi fan-screamed  
"of course I am MOTHERFUCKER…*sip*…that's some good hot chocolate and ice cream…thanks bro"  
"don't mention it" sasori shrugged  
"and zetsu?"  
"…..you don't wanna know"  
"sure I do"  
"no you don't"  
"come on!"  
"SHUT UP GAKI  
now go to bed"  
"…fine"  
"guh…I'm too old for this  
get out of here already bitches"  
akatsuki groaned and cursed derp as they left  
"motherfuckers….*sigh*" derp put his feet on the table and looked at the ceiling  
"aherm" a feminine voice made her presence known  
derp smiled and threw his glasses on the table  
"come here you" he got off his seat and kissed konan  
she giggled as he groped her ass and kissed her neck  
"you're so good with my sensitive spots derp" she cooed into his ear  
"you're so fucking dead for whispering into my ear you hot little firecracker"  
derp put her on the table and opened her akatsuki cloak and drooled at the sight before him  
"hmhmhm…like what you see derp-sama?" she seductively said as she unzipped his pants and stroked his manhood  
"I do…I've seen them so many times I've lost count but'm never gonna get tired  
now…where were we again?"  
"AHHH" konan screamed as derp shoved his monster inside her  
"gotcha" derp grinned and kissed her shoulder blades  
"_sniff_…meanie"  
"gonna start moving now" derp grabbed her back and slowly began thrusting in and out of her  
"faster….faster you stupid faggot…oh…shit"  
konan knew derp despised the eff word with his life  
he stopped moving which kinda scared her  
"d..derp?"  
"YOU DID NOT" derp began drilling her and she lost her breath  
"JUST CALL ME" with each hit and sound of clash, filling the room, she felt more like dying  
"A MOTHERFUCKING FAGGOT" her eyes rolled up from pain and pleasure  
"GRRR"  
"AAAAHHH" she screamed as derp came inside her and some creeped out the sides of her entrance due to lack of room for more life-juice  
"gah…damn…how ya like them apples?  
told ya I'd bring you your reward…konan…baby?"  
too late  
she had passed out with a silly look on her face  
"yeow…did I overdo it?"

**ANOTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD**

"fuck me…."  
naruto was sucked into the blackhole and It disappeared as soon as he entered it

**BACK ON DERP'S SIDE**

Derp put konan on her bed and kissed her cheek  
"_sigh…_back to work"  
derp was walking back to his commanding room until he felt a buzz in the back of his head  
"what the…shit"  
he scratched his head  
"did I let out too much sperm?  
or am i overdosing and i don't know it?"  
the buzzing sound increased and derp clutched his head  
"grrrr" he clenched his teeth and tried to fight back but lost and fell on his face  
"..ar..y..n.." he whispered before he lost consciousness

* * *

boom  
there  
finito  
hold your breath for chapter twenty two geniuses


	22. Chapter 22

As all of you geniuses may have noticed, the story is taking QUITE the fucking turn I must say and it wasn't even my intention to make it turn out like this  
all I wanted to do was make one normal crappy first-fanfiction-ever but apparently…I'm outdoing myself

* * *

"mmm" naruto felt a tingle on his cheek  
"hey….g..up"  
"uhh?"  
"I SAID GET THE FUCK UP MOTHERFUCKER"  
the tingles naruto felt on his cheek turned out to be slow slaps until someone kicked him awake  
"whoah…where am i?" naruto got up and rubbed his eyes  
"don't freak out" the voice commanded  
"eh?" naruto looked around and all he could see was void and darkness  
"where in orochimaru's ass am i?"  
"listen to me naruto  
I don't have much time but I'm gonna show you as much as I possibly can  
the rest you can ask from her"  
"huh?" naruto looked around and behind him, a little red haired girl was sleeping…or unconscious…no way to tell  
naruto found it cute how her long red hair fell on her white short yukata  
"who's that?  
and why am I here?  
who are you?"  
"just…look"  
the void around naruto began to get brighter and naruto held the girl up in his arms for protection  
the light grew brighter until naruto couldn't see anymore  
"MOMMY" a little boy screamed and naruto's eyes snapped open  
the girl wasn't in his arms anymore and he was transparent  
he was in a big room…more like a hut  
he looked for the source of the voice and saw a little boy running  
"NO  
DON'T COME HERE  
RUN AWAY"  
a red haired woman from the other side of the room screamed  
she was being dragged by men in jounin vests  
'wait…I know those vests…konoha?' naruto couldn't believe his eyes  
"LET HER GO"  
"beat it kid" one of the men dragging her away kicked him in the ribs and cracking sounds could be heard as he flew away  
"NOOO  
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"  
"shut up" the other one slapped her and dragged her out of the hut  
as she was moved away, naruto felt like he was being pulled along with her until he was outside  
'what the…dad?'  
the sky was pitch black…no stars…no moon…just a group of ninjas, with a blonde in the midst of them and a red haired woman being dragged away  
"hey stupid voice that kicked me in the face  
why am I seeing this?"  
"so you can see how awesome your goody little two shoes family and village is"  
"is it her?" minato asked sternly  
"hai hokage-sama" they bowed and threw her in front of minato  
"please…don't do it  
we've done nothing wrong"  
"none of my concern  
this is an s-rank mission to kill a certain family of iwa  
now….prepare yourself"  
minato drew his blade  
'what the...holy shit…' naruto felt sick  
"mo..mmy" the little boy had dragged himself to the door and was crying but not from the pain  
the red haired woman got on her knees and looked at her child  
all she could do was make a smile and wink at her beaten child  
for a moment, he thought everything's going to be okay…but alas  
the boy's eyes lost their shine as he saw his mother's head fly  
the long strains of red hair flew in the wind as her limp body fell with a dull thud  
"this…this isn't real…this can't be"  
"oh but it is…"  
the boy got up and walked back into the house, not even caring about the broken bones inside his chest  
"hmm… let's just get outta here…I need my ramen"  
the group started walking away  
naruto wanted to check on the boy  
he walked back into the hut and saw a hole in the wooden floor  
"eh?"  
he walked down the secret stairs and couldn't see shit if not for the bright blue flame emanating from the boy's right arm  
"what dafuq?  
stupid voice  
what is that?"  
"_sigh…_I'm not stupid and you'll soon find out so shut the fuck up"  
as the long stairs ended, naruto and the child reached a hall but the light wasn't enough and naruto couldn't see anything but a radius around the kid  
the boy lifted his arm and gripped his fist  
the flame grew stronger and naruto could finally see  
it was an archive room  
similar to his but this one was smaller  
the kid started drawing on the floor  
"OH HELL NO  
isn't that kid a little too weak to be drawing storage seals?"  
"hmm…not really  
he's ten  
and when you were ten, I believe you were at least high chuunin"  
"yeah…hehe…wait…how do you know?"  
"I know a lot of shit kid so just look"  
the boy finished his painting  
he stood a meter back from the seal and held a handsign naruto hadn't seen before  
"….seal" the boy spoke with a broken voice  
all the papers and scrolls flew toward the seal as if it had a gravity of its own  
after all the archives were sucked into the seal, a paper appeared on the floor  
the boy took the paper and walked back up the stairs  
"stupid voice…who is that kid?...and what was my dad doing here?"  
"guh…"  
again, a bright light blocked naruto's vision but he didn't care  
he was too stunned by his father's dark past  
"awww  
you're shocked to the balls  
how cute"  
"….why are you showing me this?"  
naruto felt a hand on his shoulder and turned around  
he saw something like derp's twin brother but this guy didn't wear glasses and had cut his hair short  
"this is the last and most important part so you MIGHT wanna see this"  
naruto turned around  
he saw the boy walking through the forests  
he had grown taller and his hair was longer  
the boy was walking in the forests until he reached a clearing  
once there, he sat down and opened the satchel he was carrying  
he took out a map and tried to figure out what to do next  
"I can help if you want"  
naruto's head turned to the origin of the voice and saw derp's twin guy leaning on a tree  
"…" the boy ignored it  
"the name's derp…wanna be friends?"  
"…" he put the map back in his satchel and started walking again  
"…I knew your father"  
he halted and turned his head  
"so?"  
"…and your mom"  
"mom and dad helped a lot of people from the village so many people know them"  
"and I know where the person you search for is"  
"like I give a shit"  
he started walking again  
"that map you found in your mom's closet is a trap for other stupid ninja  
haven't you noticed how obvious it is?"  
"I'll take my chances"  
"look kid" derp pinned him to a tree and lifted him off the ground  
"you're making this way too hard for me so just come with me and my debt with your father will be OVER"  
"_cough_…and if I come?"  
"I'll train you as I promised your dad"  
derp's mouth opened but naruto couldn't hear anything anymore  
"yo creep  
what dafuq?  
it was getting good" naruto threw his popcorn and got up  
"WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU GET THAT?  
I mean….that's all I can show you about the child…the rest is in a movie chip I've placed in her pocket  
he still searches for his sister which I just gave you so-"  
"WAIT  
if he has a grudge against my dad and konoha, why is he doing all of this?"  
"all of what?"  
"he has helped me control half of the world"  
"whoah…well…you know what they say  
the bigger they are the harder they fall  
he must want to give you everything and then, take it all away from you just like your dad did  
toodles"  
"HEY…"  
BZZZZZZ  
the buzzing sound made naruto fall and grab his head

**SOME TIME LATER**

Naruto felt the same tingle but on his nose  
he also felt like something heavy was on his chest  
"eh?"  
"do you know where my onii-chan is?"  
the red haired little girl from naruto's trip was on his chest  
"…." Naruto didn't know what to do  
the little girl waved her hand and tilted her head  
"you okay mister?"  
"yes…I think"  
'**KID**'  
'KURAMA  
DID YOU FUCKING SEE THAT?'  
**'see what?  
after we got sucked into the black hole…everything went dark and void for me'  
**"so do you know where onii-chan is?"  
naruto got up and carried the little girl  
"we need to go…and get you to a woman  
I don't communicate with kids"  
SLAP  
"onii-san always carried me on his back"  
"I'M NOT YOUR ONII-SAN AND WHY DID YOU SLAP ME?"  
**'uh-oh…NEVER SHOUT AT A FUCKING KID GAKI…she's gonna blow'**  
"hhuu…..UWAAAAHHH" the girl started crying and naruto started running to the hospital to find tsunade

**KONOHA**

"is he okay?" itachi asked the doctor  
"yes…he seems to be in a coma of some sort  
there's a chakra in his body that's not his…I think that's the source  
he needs to fight it himself"  
"I see….thank you doctor"  
"GRRRRR" derp gritted his teeth and started trembling  
"DERP  
I'm here  
calm down"  
"G…GRR…SASUKE…ERGH" and derp lost consciousness again  
"…..i hate you  
even in your deathbed, you give missions"  
itachi punched derp's unconscious body  
"ITS CUZZ I'VE BEEN WORKING MY LIFE FOR THIS" a transparent derp spoke from the hokage's table but itachi didn't seem to hear it  
"so…how long am I gonna be here again?"  
"well…" derp's twin appeared  
"since I've been informed that you used my name for your disguise and even my looks and not to mention that breakthrough right now…I'd say…an hour"  
"fuck….do you have cards?"  
"sure"

**SWIRL**

"awww…did mean old naruto yell at you?  
you poor thing" tsunade petted the red haired girl and kissed her cheeks  
"yesh auntie...he even said onii-san isn't here anymore"  
a beaten-to-death naruto groaned on the floor  
"so what's your name cutie?" she fondled her cheeks  
"marylin  
and onii-san won't be happy to see you do that auntie  
he said my cheeks only belong to him"  
"I'm sure he can share sweety  
now give auntie a hug" tsunade opened her arms  
"auntie's boobies are big" she giggled as she nearly suffocated  
"UUOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWW you're so cuuuuuute"  
"SIR…whoah…you okay naruto?" a swirl anbu appeared  
"y…yeah..waddya want?"  
"I think you should come to the gates"

**SWIRL GATES…the upgraded ones…you know…with flaming swirls and graffiti all over it**

"what in fuck's name?" naruto couldn't believe his eyes  
sakura, ino, haku, ayame and teuchi, shizune and tenten were being escorted by some men in red cloaks  
"akatsuki?"  
naruto walked toward the group  
"we come in peace" hidan showed his middle finger  
"I don't think that's how it goes but…okay" naruto nodded  
"takes these guys  
derp said they're yours and…we're out" all of them disappeared except pain  
"…err…zetsu"  
"sorry dude"  
a white zetsu grabbed his feet and pulled him  
"…apologies for the shitty outro…and nice gates"  
"not a prob  
happens to me all the time on missions…and thanks"  
naruto turned to the group of friends he just got back  
"….i'm gonna be busy tonight" he grinned  
he was turned into a pin cushion by haku  
"ahhh the nostalgy…FUCKAAAAAAAAAAAH"

**BACK IN KONOHA**

"got any…jacks?"  
"FUCK" derp lost again  
"well time to go back...you know what'll happen from here on out right?"  
"yeah yeah  
you said the only time we'd meet again was when you've let go of marylin right?  
well…I'mma go find her" he cracked his knuckles  
"oh and the reason we all win every time…we see your hand from the reflection on your glasses"  
"GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH" derp reached for…the original derp but found himself in bed, sweating cold beads of water  
"_pant…pant…_I need a shower" derp…this one…with the glasses I mean, smiled as he got off his bed and went into the shower

**SWIRL**

Tsunade was searching all of swirl for naruto  
his house, the beach, the hotsprings…where she beat jiraya again…everywhere  
she finally decided to go to the hokage's room  
once she got there, she noticed a lack of an assistant named tayuya behind the table  
"guh…gimme a break"  
she slammed the doors down and gawked  
tenten and ino and tayuya were naked with a silly look on their faces on naruto's couch and naruto was currently pleasing haku  
"NARUTO"  
"KYAAA" haku tried covering herself but oh well  
she forgot that when naruto continued drilling her  
"I'm…in the middle….of a meeting"  
"I can see that but what about…oh god…are they leaking rivers?"  
"yeah…kyu's….kinda…helping me with that…GRRR"

**KONOHA**

"yo"  
"derp-sama…what happened to the coat?"  
derp was wearing a black sleeveless shirt with red claw marks on it and black pants and his blade was strapped to his back  
"meh…thought it's time for a change"  
'you bet…oh god…I didn't notice how toned he was with that coat on…I wanna jump him right now'  
derp jumped out the window  
"DERP WAIT"

**KONOHA GATES**

"DERP SAMA"  
"…moe?"  
he turned around to see a panting konan  
"couldn't you hear me?"  
he took off his teats headband  
"yes I could but I just decided to ignore you"  
"…umm…it kinda gets hard to understand derp-sama's sarcasm but…anyways  
where are you going?"  
"I'm going to get laid"  
"WHAT?  
WITH WHO?"  
derp facepalmed  
"oh…right…sorry"  
"I'm going out on my missions ko-chan"  
"oh…good luck then" she looked down, kinda embarrassed at her stupid question  
he petted her head and shuffled her short onyx hair  
"meh  
thanks for caring"  
derp put his teats headphone back on and started running  
'derp-sama…wait…what did I want to tell him again?'

**SWIRL**

Naruto was walking on the village beach after a night's good work  
he sighed as he sat down on the beach  
he walked down the memory lane on his mind  
from the point where he left the village…to the point where he built his own village…saving all of those poor slaves who had zero hope in their lives  
he also enjoyed his visits to gaara's village…for other feminine reasons  
zabuza was where he wanted, an anbu trainer  
tsunade had her own hospital  
neji was now married (lucky son of a bitch) and hiashi was busy as always  
half of the day as the swirl's advisor and the other half, playing with his grandson  
neji had named his child hizashi and he was a spitting image of him since naruto had removed the seal on neji's forehead…with kurama's help of course  
hanabi was training for her jounin exam and was every swirl ninja's role model  
hinata helped tsunade…and naruto on occasions  
jiraya…well…naruto lost track of the fucker since the hotsprings were rebuilt but surprisingly enough, his books didn't stop their production  
ayame and teuchi were given a big restaurant in swirl for their beloved services  
ino and sakura were assigned to help tsunade and haku would help zabuza  
tenten built a forge in swirl and now, naruto didn't have to get their weapons from trades and were self-sufficient on that point  
"YAY"  
the words punched naruto out of his stupor  
he looked to his right and saw marylin playing on the beach  
and guess who was with her  
the person who was bugging naruto's mind since she entered the village  
marylin ran to her arms as she noticed naruto walking toward her  
"naruto, don't scare her"  
"it's not my fault  
besides  
she's the one who slapped me"  
"bleh" marylin showed her tongue  
naruto's veins popped out and throbbed  
**'you wouldn't harm a child now would you gaki?'  
**'that's not a kid  
that's a demon from hell, here to torture me  
my gut still hurt from tsunade's pounding'  
"don't be rude to now marylin"  
"mister?  
what happened to naruto-baka?"  
sakura giggled at that  
"er…I apologize for that naruto  
I was kind of a….bitch back then I admit"  
"KINDA?" naruto stared at her with wide eyes  
"well…a lot I guess"  
"no shit…" naruto plopped himself back on the cool beach and stared at the cloud filled sky  
"so…how's konoha?"  
"well…"  
she sat down next to naruto and let go of marylin so she could play with the sand  
"before we came here…I heard someone killed danzo and took his place  
they say he controls all of the other nations that you don't have"  
'wuh?'  
**'she means this DUDE controls iwa, sound, konoh-'  
**'I know bro  
I ain't stupid'  
"so…who is this guy?  
sasuke?"  
sakura's tone changed into a sadder one  
"no…"  
"ah shit…sorry  
I forgot you still want him back  
tell ya what"  
naruto sat up and put his old good-guy grin back on  
"as the shodaime uzukage, I'll personally look for him"  
sakura's tears of joy started falling from his cheek  
"th..thank you naruto"  
SLAP  
"mister  
why did you make onee-chan cry?"  
"STO-….stop doing that my dear" naruto held back an odama rasengan  
**'…I think I'll take her as my second pupil'  
**'shut up'  
"so…who is this guy again?"  
"well…he calls himself derp"  
the world seemed to crash on naruto's head  
"say whut?" naruto asked with a stupid look on his face  
"NARUTO" tsunade screamed  
"there you are  
I wanted to tell you something but…your meeting kinda…  
anyway  
derp-"  
"controls the other half of the world"  
"err…yeah  
that came in yesterday  
I just read it before burning it"  
"WHAT?  
IT CAME IN YESTERDAY AND I DIDN'T NOTICE?"  
"err…it's kinda the kage's JOB to read all the papers and sign them"  
"…" naruto tried remembering what he did as the uzukage but all he could remember was tayuya's head going up and down…plus the gagging noises  
'kyuu…what the fuck do you think is going on?'  
**'beats the fuck outta me  
why don't we ask him after he splits us and I get back to the daycare?'  
**"…hmm  
thanks ka-chan  
sakura…darling dearest" naruto petted the red haired devil  
"I'll walk you home"  
"and me?" tsunade crossed her arms  
"I doubt anyone would wanna harass you, shodaime uzukage's ka-chan" naruto grinned and winked  
"yeah I guess so" tsunade sheepishly grinned  
"nighto"

**SAKURA'S APARTMENT**

"thanks naruto  
say thanks marylin"  
"much gratitude and appreciation shodaime uzukage-sama"  
naruto wanted to rip his heart out and give it to the brat  
the way she bowed as she said that was just too adorable  
**'ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOAR  
I'M GONNA MAKE HER THE BEST NINJA THAT EVER WALKED THE PLANET'  
**'aherm'  
**'oh…sorry  
EVEN STRONGER THAN THIS LITTLE SHIT WHO ONLY KNOWS HOW TO RIDE'EM'  
**"thank you princess" naruto also bowed  
"nighto sakura-chan"  
naruto started walking away from the balcony  
"naruto…kun…did you mean it?"  
naruto didn't stop walking  
"it's the promise of a lifetime motherfu….err…daddy's gurl" he raised a thumb  
**'aren't you forgetting something?'  
**'eh?'  
**'you know…in the girl's pocket'  
**'oh…right…I already snatched it when I was carrying her  
let's go watch it'

**COUNTRY OF IWA – GRASSLANDS**

Derp walked toward the only hut in the grassland  
it wasn't actually all that hard to miss with its black and grey color in the grasses  
derp carefully opened the old door as not to break it  
"…I'm home" he croacked with a low voice, like he had a lump in his throat  
as he closed the door behind him, the lack of moon's shine made the room pitch black  
he lifted his arm and a blue flame flickered in his hand  
his eyes were in their ultimate form  
he reached for the sole bed he and his mom shared in this hut and picked a few strands of red hair and smelled them  
"missed me mom?  
I have good news you know…marylin's back in the world"  
he sat on the bed and grimaced as it creaked  
"sorry about that  
well…any ideas on how I'm supposed to find her?"  
derp continued his chatter with…his mom, not noticing a smirking figure outside the hut  
"this is too fun to-"  
"sasori?"  
the figure stiffened  
the red headed puppet master looked up and if his body had nerves, he'd be shivering  
"ah derp-sama-"  
"dafuq do you think you're doing here?"  
"ehehehe…err….surprise?"  
sasori snapped his fingers and pain, hidan and deidara appeared over the hills  
"…is it my birth-day?"  
"no…just call it…a coup de'tat" sasori jumped back  
derp politely waited for all of them to line up  
"erm…so am I being overthrown now?" derp jumped off the roof of the hut  
"sadly, yes  
we had good times but ya see…you're just not cutting it  
no thrill, no killings, no rape" hidan groaned  
"okay well…come at me if u will"  
derp drew his blade and threw the sheath away  
"just don't scratch the hut ple-"  
"SHINRA TENSEI"  
pain shouted as he slammed derp to the ground with his jutsu on full power and due to the large scale of his power, the hut was crushed to dust…along with half of the grasses in the grassland  
"what was that?  
I couldn't hear you with all my godly power floating about" all of akatsuki let their chakra loose  
derp slowly got up from his crack in the ground  
"what….have you…**done?"** derp's chakra and killer intent were unleashed on full force  
"I always knew you weren't human…moe" deidara smirked  
**"you'll pay…for what you've done…I promise"**  
derp grinned like a madman and dashed forward  
"AS PLANNED" pain shouted  
**"GRRR" **derp growled as he dashed forward and kicked sasori in the guts, his foot sticking out the other side of the mechanical zombie  
"kh…got ya now" sasori held derp's foot  
"did you now?" derp grinned  
"eh?"  
sasori took one last look at derp's foot beforehis foot was set on fire and soon, the flames entangled and burnt sasori as well  
"DO SOMETHING BITCHES" sasori screamed in his last moments  
"FUCKING DIE MOTHERFUCKER" hidan slashed at derp and his scythe tore through his back and stuck out of his chest  
"**fuck you**" derp showed his middle finger and grinned with a blood filled mouth and exploded  
sasori was done for since he was turned to ashes and dust  
hidan on the other hand had severe burn marks all over him  
"FUCKING FAGGOT"  
"**what was that**?" derp shoved his yamato through hidan's neck  
"kh…khuckin…khag-" hidan tried to speak with a ruined throat but derp saved the trouble and cut his head off  
"I'M NOT DEAD YET"  
"**but you wish you were right**?"  
"huh?"  
derp set fire to his foot again and kicked hidan's head with all he had, causing the skull to break and the head to burn as it flew away  
"**GRAHAHAHA**" derp adjusted his glasses  
"damn I should join konoha's soccer team"  
"ready?" pain crouched  
deidara threw his cloak away to show a stitched chest  
"TIME TO SHOW YOU THE BEAUTY OF ART DERP-SAMA"  
"er….actually…put the cloak back on-"  
"KATSU"  
"SHINRA TENSEI"  
"idiots" derp sighed  
the explosion was second only to a bijuu-dama  
the scale was enormous and destroyed half of the grasslands of iwa  
pain used a strong version of the shinra tensei just to stand his ground and not get blown to pieces  
"huh…..huh…." pain was raggedly breathing  
in front of him was a sea of fire  
but what made him stop breathing was the giant white wolf where derp stood  
"**like my pet motherfucker?**" derp showed his magic finger  
"holy…shit…" pain took once last look at the animal's elegant white fur…which turned out to be searing flames when it's claws tore him in half  
"**ah shit…well…at least I have the other half of the team…I think**"  
"erm…derp-sama….you're kinda naked"  
"eh?" derp turned around to see sasori with his army of puppets  
'was that a clone?...wait what?'  
"I'm what?" he looked at himself  
his shirt was long gone and what remained of his pants only helped cover his manhood and ass  
"shit…oh well"  
derp pointed the tip of his blade at the puppet army  
the wolf's blue eyes turned red and the tomoe on derp's eyes started spinning madly  
**"GIGA CANNON WITH ME ARASHI" **derp roared and the wolf opened his mouth  
at the tip of derp's blade and in front of arashi's mouth, a blue orb appeared  
"don't think I'm going down without a fight….KILL THEM BOTH"  
the army of puppets flew toward derp and his summon, filling the starry sky  
**"FIRE"**

**RAIGAKURE**

"call raikage sama here NOW" the ninja ordered his inferior  
a sphere in the middle of the black room was bubbling and the tip was sticking out like a triangle  
"what is it?" A (the raikage) asked the scout officer  
"sir…it's the iwa sphere"  
"sweet merciful crap...is it a bijuu on the rampage?"  
"I don't think so sir…but I think we should let mizukage and uzukage-sama know about this"  
"good point…keep looking into it boys"

**IWA**

"yeesh…I should probably shave myself down there…gimme a ride home buddy?"  
the wolf disappeared in a white smoke  
"yeah I love you too motherfucker…tch…I'll just…fuck…I don't even have enough chakra to teleport myself all the way to konoha"  
naked derp started walking back home (oh the irony) through the forest but took one last glance at the chasm  
"goodbye mommy…" and he started tree jumping

**NARUTO'S ROOM**

Naruto inserted the chip into the TV and sat down on the couch  
"bzzzzzz….is it working?" a male voice started speaking  
"okay look"  
naruto sweatdropped  
the screen was only showing the man's feet  
"I don't have much time  
I don't know who you are but…somehow  
I've managed to reach my chakra into your system when you came into contact with him"  
'hmm…could it be that time he sealed kurama into me?'  
"look…my son…who calls himself derp and looks like me is looking for his sister because…"  
the camera turned up and showed the scene in iwa where derp's mom was beheaded  
"he wants to use her and resurrect his mother"  
"WHAT?  
the guy loves kids" naruto talked to himself  
"the reason we were hunted is because...i killed shodaime hokage's wife  
it was a mission and I didn't mean to but…_sigh_…they found our identity  
we've been trying to lay low ever since but…anyways  
please  
save my daughter from that…creature's evil hands…I beg of you…bzzzz"  
the movie finished  
"…." Naruto was off in his own dimension  
'**well…to be frank, if you want to be the greatest ever, you need to control all of the elemental nations and the only obstacle left is derp so….naruto?'  
**"i…I can't do it"  
'**douche bag SAYS WHAT?'  
**"don't you remember?  
the times we spent training together"  
'**oh yeah…'**

**FLASHBACK TO WHEN NARUTO WAS STILL IN KONOHA AND WAS TRAINING WITH DERP**

"tch…get up  
I haven't even gone all out on you"  
naruto crawled out of his crack in the ground and groaned  
"whuuut?  
but I was going all out and-"  
"insufficient  
you WILL rise to be the greatest ever, will you not uzumaki?"  
derp sheathed his yamato  
"because if you're gonna be weak as fuck…you won't be able to protect ANYONE precious to you"  
naruto gripped his fists at that  
the thought of his friends getting hurt and him not being able to do anything was mentally excruciating for him  
"heh…did I make you mad?  
THEN GET UP"  
the two clashed with their blades yet again

**FLASHBACK END  
**

****"no wonder...he must've known how it felt"  
'**yeah…you were in tip top shape before with me and derp's help  
when was the last time you trained to the death?'  
**'holy shit…from the time I entered uzugakure…I haven't done shit but get laid'  
kurama pawpalmed  
**'well…better get your shit together then gaki  
and call the other kages over too  
they should be able to help you get back in shape'**  
'shit…DAMMIT  
when did I lose sight of my goals?'  
naruto gripped his fists and wanted to fuck himself to death  
"THAT'S IT  
I SWEAR ON MY UZUMAKI BLOOD I'LL KILL THAT FUCKER IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO"  
**"THAT'S THE SPIRIT GAKI…now go to konoha and ask him to separate us bro"  
**"okay"  
naruto jumped out of his window  
'**what do you think you're doing?'  
**"err..going to konoha?"  
'**idiot…you really have lost it  
don't you remember the seal you carved into the training ground for instant teleportation?  
you can go there and back to the seal in the archive room anytime you want'  
**"kura…fuck me to death after you're released kay bro?"  
**'don't worry  
I'll fuck you in training so hard you'll cry for mommy'**

**KONOHA – TRAINING GROUNDS**

"ahh…nostalgia" naruto took a deep breath and relaxed his nerves  
he began walking toward his home village

**A FEW MILES AWAY FROM KONOHA**

"_pant…_I should be able to jump from here….ngghh"  
**VOOM**

**HOKAGE'S ROOM**

"_guh…_fuck me"  
"err"  
derp turned around to see itachi sitting on the table  
"…actually…I'd prefer if I didn't derp-sama"  
"…you have five seconds to explain what you're doing here"  
"I did as commanded  
I convinced sasuke to come back to konoha with me"  
"so?  
where is he?"  
"out with kisame"  
"…" derp grimaced  
"he's showing him around the village"  
derp's face looked like he was going to puke  
"….derp-sama"  
"….get out…now"

**ATOP THE HOKAGE MONUMENTS**

"yooo…derp put his face on the mountain?"  
naruto facepalmed  
for once, naruto noticed how handsome derp is  
the frame of his cheeks and brows and the size of his nose  
and the glasses were completely in sync with his face  
"guh…I should have my face carved into somewhere too…"  
he jumped off the mountain and aimed for the roof of the mansion

**HOKAGE'S ROOM**

Derp finished putting his good old attire back on with his cherished blue coat  
"thank god I didn't take you with me  
...eh?"  
derp looked up  
CRASH  
naruto crashed through the roof and landed on the kage table  
"…is it my birth-day?"  
"could you separate me and kurama now?"  
derp scratched his head  
"what's the rush?  
I thought you'd love his help with all your….mistresses"  
"yeah but he's been bugging me lately  
I can't concentrate at all"  
"well…okay  
get down from the table first though"  
naruto got down and derp put a black glove on his right hand  
"I see you've been doing your job as the uzukage and read the papers naruto"  
"of course  
would've appreciated if you told me about your plans though"  
"ready?" derp's hand glowed blood red  
"wait wait"  
naruto took a deep breath and scratched his long hair and moved his bangs away from his forehead and blinked a few times  
"derp…be gentle"  
"okay okay…this is gonna hurt way more than last time though"  
"but it didn't hurt at all last time"  
"exactly"  
naruto closed his eyes and derp reached back  
(I suggest you imagine this part in slow-motion dear readers…cuzz it's kinda naru bashing…literally)  
derp swiftly landed his blood red punch into naruto's face  
naruto felt like he was going to die  
he felt his body literally split in half and wanted to cry from the pain  
as derp pushed his fist further into naruto's face, naruto's feet flew off the ground and a second later, naruto flew out of the windows, with a red haired man following suit shortly  
"damn…always wanted to do that"

**KONOHA SHOPPING DISTRICT**

"**gaki"  
**kurama kicked naruto in the stomach  
"GUH…awww…I wanna cry"  
**"just teleport us back will ya?"  
**"fine…"  
naruto slowly and painfully got up and put his hand on kurama's shoulder  
he held his index and magic finger up with his other hand and concentrated chakra  
"dobe?"  
but alas  
as soon as naruto wanted to turn his head, he was already in the archive room  
"….did you hear that too?"  
**"all I heard was more training for you brat"**

* * *

apologies for the late updates dear readers**  
**kinda busy with studies and all  
plus it's getting harder from here on out because i'm thinking of my second fanfiction which will be original and not related to any anime or movie...that i've seen**  
**


	23. Final Chapter

well...final chapter  
and thanks for the reviews  
specially the hate ones

* * *

**DAY AFTER NARUTO AND KURAMA'S SEPERATION – A FEW MILES AWAY FROM UZUGAKURE**

"so tell me bro…why do we have to train in the middle of the sea?"  
**"you're free to go back and ruin the terrain around the village"  
**"…wow…I'm gonna be that strong?"  
**"guh…you freaking idiot  
you're supposed to be the strongest ever and you say wow?"  
**"gawd…I've grown so stupid  
I'm going to go studying after this"  
**"but I thought you hated papers" **kurama grinned, clearly rubbing salt on his wound  
naruto created two rasengans, one in each hand  
"darnit…"  
kurama concentrated chakra to his hand and summoned a red sword  
**"meet my pal, blood sword"  
**"eh?  
you had something like that and never taught me?"  
**"well…me and ms blood sword…**_**we got a thaaaang…going on" **_and he licked it**  
**"grrr" naruto ran toward the red headed demon

**KONOHA**

"so tell me sasuke-san…are you satisfied with what orochimaru gave you?"  
sasuke nodded  
derp stared at sasuke with wide eyes  
sasuke rolled his eyes  
"okay okay just kidding" he shifted in his seat  
"and are you satisfied with the battle between you and your brother?"  
sasuke shrugged and itachi poked him  
"yes derp-sama"  
"ah no need for pleasantries you sexy son of a bitch" derp got up and looked out the window  
"I have a mission for you now sasuke"  
"what is it?"  
derp turned around and leered at sasuke  
"…derp-sama?"  
"ahahaha  
music to my ears"  
he turned around again  
"I want you to go to uzugakure  
back to your…" he scratched his ear  
"scrawny nakama"  
sasuke wasn't one to show his emotions but unconsciously, he gripped his hand into a fist  
"what's wrong sasuke?  
usually, when one makes a fist…" he turned to sasuke  
"he means to throw it"  
"hmph" and with that sasuke left the room  
"itachi…take this to naruto" derp gave him a scroll  
"and you, kisame, konan and tobi are no longer mine to command…and find zetsu and give him the news as well"  
"…hai hokage-sama"  
'finally…it's time to let it all go and find you marylin  
I was hoping to find you if I had power over this insignificant world but…now that that has failed, I'll find you with my own bare hands'  
SLAM  
derp grimaced and wanted to hit his face  
"DERP  
WHAT DOES ITACHI MEAN?"  
" in Japanese, itachi literally means weasel…WHOAH" he noticed that konan was dragging an unconscious itachi with him  
"what happened to HIM?"  
"it doesn't matter derp-"  
"no it does  
is he breathing?"  
"WHY ARE YOU DISBANDING THE AKATSUKI?"  
"because I'm not the oh-so-supreme-god-king of the east anymore"  
"what?  
how?"  
"I gave all I had over to the other god-king…naruto"  
"why?" konan's eyes told derp she was about to cry if he wasn't careful of his next words  
"…because I've been getting more complaints  
most of them said to either fight the other god-king and bring peace to the world or hand everything over…shitty civilian council heads  
I chose to hand it all over"  
"but….how does that mean that you'll be letting us go?...letting me go?"  
"simple  
I'm going to finish my life-long mission and I don't want anyone getting in the way"  
he picked up his trusty sword and began walking toward the door  
"I think I told everyone about it before we named out group akatsuki"  
konan couldn't argue about That  
he was right  
he did tell them that the group was mainly for peace  
"so…when your mission is over…_sniff_…what then?"  
"hmm…I dunno  
but I'll let everyone know when I'm done"  
and with that, derp closed the doors behind him  
"phew…that went-"  
"yo  
what's this about letting everything go?" kisame scratched his head  
"guh…"

**NARUTO'S TRAINING FIELD IN UZUGAKURE**

Naruto and kurama were exchanging sword slashes and fist blows at an incredible pace  
but naruto was clearly losing  
kurama kicked him away when naruto raised his masamune  
**"too slow gaki  
and what's up with all the openings?"  
**"shut up…"  
naruto got up and took a few deep breathes to clear his mind  
"say…I remember you saying you were controlled by madara when you attacked my village right?  
I just remembered…I read in a book that you're actually from iwa…so what were you doing there?"  
"…helping jiraya in his research?"  
naruto scratched his head and tried to place the piece of the puzzle together  
"and that...red hair..."  
**"oi gaki  
what are you talking to yourself about?"  
**"oh nothing…just thinking about what happened in the dream"  
**"huh?"**  
'oh right…I never told him about it'  
"you see…when I was sucked into the portal…I saw something like a dream  
I was in iwa…in a hut in the middle of a grassland"  
kurama gripped his sword and gritted his teeth  
"a child's mother was-"  
**"beheaded by your dad"  
**"…guess the fox's out of the bag now huh?"  
kurama dropped his sword and it dissolved as it sank in the sea water  
**"that…was my wife"  
**"wuh?  
that can't be  
his son had black hair"  
**"will you shut up and LISTEN OR WHAT?  
guh  
as I was saying…she's my wife but before that, she was a widow, mourning the loss of his husband  
his reports said he died somewhere around uzugakure  
so…I decided to take care of them…turn a new leaf over and start good"**  
'that still doesn't explain the man in the woods and in the dream  
if he was found dead around my home village…there must be records about him'  
"thanks bro  
I need to go studying now"  
and he disappeared in a yellow flash  
**"ugh...that brat can't stand still and listen to a story till the end..."**

**ARCHIVE ROOM**

"let's see now…"

**THREE HOURS TWENTY MINUTES AND SIX SECONDS LATER**

"FUCKAAAAAAAAAAAH…found you" he grinned  
the book's title said 'derp the unholy one''  
"eh?"  
he put the book on his desk and started reading through the dusty papers  
'it was a cheerful evening as usual in the village  
kids laughing, men drinking after a hard day's work  
women gossiping to each other  
until that man arrived  
he stated that he had heard something about nephilims and demons and angels in our village  
we told him about the book and warned him that no one has understood it  
all he said was that he needed it to ensure his family's future  
well…we were too simple and easy going back then  
we showed him the way to our library and he started reading the books and taking notes like there was no tomorrow  
he barely ate or slept'  
naruto skipped a few pages and stopped at a page that had red stains on it  
'we checked on him one day and saw him drawing seals on the floor  
we knew he had done a hard work reading everything and all but we guessed he'll fail as well and leave soon enough  
despair and sorrow sinked into our hearts as he dropped his blood on a red strand of hair in the middle of the seal and he glowed black and red  
and before our eyes, his black hair started turning white and he started to change  
he wrapped his arms around himself and crouched  
we witnessed as the man turned into a sword  
as we thought it was over…a man appeared  
he looked as if he was a clone of the man that just sealed himself but this one…he had a much darker glow in his eyes…almost as if he was the incarnation of evil itself  
he grinned as he picked up the sword and we quote as he said to the letter  
"finally…time for payback…  
now..since I'm feeling so good  
I'll let you all live and tell my tale okay bitches?  
so long"  
and with that, he disappeared in a black and blue blur  
I for one almost had a heart attack at what I saw  
our hiraishin, perfected by a mere stranger…something we gave to the yondaime hokage to perfect because of his sharp mind  
we warn the reader of this tale…if you see this man…run'  
naruto turned to the last page and saw a drawing of the man who picked derp up in the forest  
"well…that explains how I met them but…I still don't see how marylin was….wait that red-hair…wait no  
she wasn't even born yet after this guy was declared dead  
I need to ask kurama some questions…"

**UZUGAKURE DAY CARE**

"HEY FOX-"  
**"shhhh"  
**"oh…"  
it was nap time  
"could you come over here?"  
they left the building  
**"what is it?"  
**"when you found her…what was her hair color?"  
**"black  
her hair turned red after we…you know"**  
"huh?"  
he the book out and looked at all the dates  
'this guy was studying it for….five years?  
no wonder he was declared dead'  
**"you know…I've seen that face before  
this one time…a man abducted marylin and all he did was…cut her hair  
I tracked him down and I was going to rip his throat out but…he said he needed her hair to see if she's a new breed in iwa  
well…  
we knew he wasn't gonna do anything with HAIR so-"  
**"kurama…is marylin your daughter?"  
he sighed as he nodded his head  
"THEN WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T YOU TELL ME SOONER?"  
**"you didn't ask"  
**'shit…wait  
the man was sealed into a blade…'  
he took out the book and stared in disbelief at the sword art next to the man's face  
it was the yamato derp currently held…wait…someone had signed under it  
"kushina uzumaki  
the greatest ninja that ever….fuck this"  
naruto put the book back in his sleeve seal and disappeared

**KONOHA – NARUTO'S TRAINING GROUNDS**

Derp sighed as he touched the trees  
good old memories ran through his head as he remembered their training  
he felt something appear behind him but he knew it was naruto…who else would have a chakra signature that was mixed with a demon's right?  
"naruto my-"  
before his sentence could finish, naruto grabbed the sword and felt himself get sucked into another dimension  
he was back in the void  
"I knew you would come to me naruto-san"  
the man appeared again  
"so can I hear the full story now?"  
"of course…you have every right to  
since it was our fault kyuubi attacked the village in the first place  
you see…the reason I went for the nephilim book in the first place was because I had heard you can seal yourself into an object and always communicate with the one who held the blade  
after my studies almost finished, I went back home…for a piece of hair from my son  
when I got there, I saw my wife…but her hair was red just like the man next to him  
I must say…I was overwhelmed by anger when I first saw her with someone else but since I read something like this in the books, I guessed that the man was a kind demon who had decided to take care of my family  
I didn't see my son there…so the least I could do was repay the man by ensuring his daughter's future  
I took her hair and…I believe you know the rest from your family's books'  
"yeah…but…I have a few questions like…what was your son's name?  
and who was the man who appeared and picked you up?  
because he went and trained your son"  
"well...since as far as I knew, my wife was angelic, what the ninja call a yin chakra holder, and I'm a demonic, the yang chakra holder, I decided to make our son an object to protect himself  
a sword  
but since her new husband was a pure demon…I just needed something from the hybrid  
her hair"  
"hmm…you seem pretty calm about what your wife did"  
"yeah…it wasn't easy for me to swallow the fact at first but…what can you expect?  
I'm actually glad she moved on  
back to the story  
I had the hair and I knew the ins and outs of the seal  
but you see…when I was about to make the sword, I gave all the chakra I had to make a shadow clone to do my will and train my child"  
"well congratz man  
your son has gone crazy and wants to sacrifice his sister to get his mom back"  
"he wouldn't  
I can feel it  
it's not in our blood to sacrifice anything for our own joy"  
"okay…and his name?"  
"his mother named him akira"  
"okay…so why was she beheaded?"  
"well…after the people found out she had mated with a demon…they weren't exactly happy about it"  
"and they asked someone to kill her…"  
"yes…but killing a demon isn't something anyone can do so they secretly asked their nemesis, the yondaime hokage who was the strongest of his time to slay the demon"  
"and when kurama wasn't there….they mistakenly killed akira's mother"  
"yes…anything else my boy?"  
"your twin…where is he?  
where did he go after he trained your son?"  
"that…I think you should ask my son  
and could you please take me to my daughter?"  
"…." Naruto felt himself get sucked back into reality  
"-dear friend…okay why dafuq are you holding my sword?"  
"erm…can I borrow it for a while?"  
"…nope  
it's a memento from my mentor"  
"your…what?"  
"…nevermind" derp pushed naruto's hand off the blade and took a step back  
"well…what do you want?"  
"your mentor…"  
'holy shit…it's him  
he's the boy I've been seeing…he's akira  
and that means he wants marylin…'  
"well…my mentor?" derp waved his hand  
"are you okay naruto?"  
"yeah…yeah I'm fine" naruto scratched his head  
"well…how can I help you?"  
"by telling me where your mentor is"  
"I killed him" derp deadpanned naruto  
"you did WHAT?"  
"just kidding  
one day I woke up…and he wasn't there anymore but he had left this sword  
apparently  
he still lives through the sword" he held his sword up  
"heh…I remember the night before he disappeared, he told me the next time we'd meet, my sister would be in the world again  
sunova bitch must've sealed her somewhere but it doesn't matter anymore  
he's gone and I'm going to find my sister"  
"I see…so can I take it with me or not?"  
"of course not"  
"come on its only for a short while"  
"why is this sword so important to you naruto?"  
"guh…I'm sorry akira" naruto concentrated chakra to his index finger  
he used the moment akira let his guard down and pushed the pressure point on his neck  
he put akira on his back and strapped the sword to his hip under masamune  
"let's get you to a bed shall we?"

**KONOHA HOSPITAL – A RANDOM ROOM SINCE NARUTO JUST JUMPED INTO AN EMPTY ONE**

Naruto put derp on the bed and ripped his clothes off  
the nurse who was standing there didn't know what to do  
bleed from seeing a hot blonde strip the hokage she cherished or be afraid for the hokage's health  
"trust me…I was trained by tsunade in healing arts" naruto grinned and she calmed down after looking into his cyan eyes  
naruto started drawing seals all over akira  
his drawings became more complex as he reached akira's sternum  
he finished by drawing a swirl on his forehead and told the nurse to leave unless she wanted to get raped  
she didn't leave at first…which made naruto's face red but naruto seriously told her to leave and she did  
"sorry about this bro but…at least I hope this keeps you intact for at least a month with your chakra level  
UZUMAKI CLAN SPECIAL SEAL : ETERNAL SLUMBER"  
he shouted as he slammed his palm on his sternum and akira's eyes snapped wide open in their ultimate form which made naruto twitch as he stared into them  
**"I'll…kill you…i…promise"** and with that, he passed out  
"holy…shit…" he touched the sword and felt a tug at the back of his head  
'derp dude  
how the fuck does your son have the ultimate eye on him?'  
'really?  
wow  
I'm proud of him'  
'DUDE'  
'oh sorry  
I put everything I had gathered up into our archives in the hut's basements  
I guess he must've perfected it huh?  
anyway, i have no idea so why don't you ask him when he wakes up?'  
'well…considering he knew where uzugakure is….he must've used my family archive to perfect it…shit'  
'well…good luck naruto'  
naruto couldn't help but stare at the monster in front of him  
"shit…I hope he stays dead-asleep for at least a CENTURY"  
he performed his usual seals and disappeared in a white blur

**UZUGAKURE – ARCHIVE ROOM**

"well yamato…let's get you to-"  
**"gaki"  
**"shodaime-sama"  
"eh?"  
naruto turned to kurama and marylin  
"what're you guys doing here?  
**"just showing her around"**  
naruto didn't want to bother and explain what just happened all over so he did what he had to  
"catch"  
naruto threw the blade toward kurama  
he tensed as he grabbed the blade and blankly stared at naruto  
"well…whadya think?"  
**"…is he serious?"  
**"yep"  
**"YOU KISSED AKIRA?"  
**"YOU DID WHAT?" marylin shouted and naruto trembled  
"err…of course not darling dearest  
KURAMA"  
**"what?  
I'm just trying to-"  
**he stared at the blade then gave it to marylin  
"erm…" naruto scratched his head  
a few seconds passed and tears began to flow out of her eyes, down her cheeks and onto the floor  
naruto grabbed the blade and kurama instinctively carried marylin and petted her back  
'WHAT DID YOU TELL HER?'  
'what I had to  
that her mother is dead'  
'and?'  
and that man is her father...since she was just a baby, i don't think she has any memories of him so i just gave him a concise review of her childhood'  
'and what did you say that made her cry?'  
'his brother wants to kill her'  
'WHAT?  
YOU FUCKING IDIOT  
I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU KNEW HE WOULDN'T DO SUCH A THING'  
'I know I know…It's just…a lot has happened to him  
what if he's changed and actually wants to do it?'  
'…I don't know…'  
'you saw it too didn't you?  
his eyes changed when he saw his mother die in front of him  
when I was gone…and after kyuubi left…all he had left was his mother and sister  
his sister disappeared after I sealed her and myself into another dimension  
what if the shock of losing her mother was too much?  
when I saw his eyes as you sealed him…'  
'yeah yeah…just…you didn't HAVE TO tell her you know  
we could've convinced him otherwise'  
'…well…it's too late now'  
naruto actually felt sad for her  
the only relative she had…her only brother wanted to kill her  
"UWAAAA…_sniff_…ONII-SAAAAN"

**KONOHA – HOSPITAL**

The doctors were checking akira's blood for any poisons, his body for any wounds and had an electrocardiogram connected to him  
"hm?  
doctor…" the nurse called out  
"what Is it?"  
they both looked at his heart-beat rates  
it was normal  
"what?"  
"nothing…just for a moment…I thought it raised to a really high level"  
"it's okay  
you just need some rest yayoi-chan"  
"hmm…I guess you're right"

**UZUGAKURE – NARUTO'S ARCHIVE ROOM – AFTER TSUNADE TOOK MARYLIN AWAY**

"**well…if he has the ultimate eye…I guess we're going to be in for a big one naruto"  
**"…" no reply  
"you know…this isn't the only time I talked to him  
last time…he said they were hunted down for killing shodaime hokage's wife  
this time, he said they were hunted for mating with demons"  
'if he was there when she died…why didn't he do anything?...wait...if he sealed marylin with him...how come only marylin got out?'  
**"…well?"  
**"I don't know" naruto stared at the sword strapped to his hip  
"how do you suppose we get to the bottom of this?"  
naruto looked at the nephilim book on his desk  
**"go on  
I'll be back at the day care"  
**naruto proceeded to read the book all over again  
'when the clone picked the sword…his attitude had changed a lot right?...wait…when we talked…his talking manners seemed to change from time to time too...let's see now'  
naruto opened the side effects page  
'side effects caused by becoming a nephilim's object :  
complete distrust to outsiders which means the sealed person will always try to hurt the person that holds it  
utmost caution if the sealed person has a grudge'  
"oh…crap"  
naruto dropped the sword on the ground and pushed it away with his masamune  
'this means…it lied to marylin?  
but marylin is...his wife's child…'  
naruto reached for the blade and flew to the next dimension again  
"ah naruto  
what brings you here my boy?"  
naruto grabbed the man's throat  
"WHAT THE FUCK MAN?"  
"cough…what?"  
"WHY WOULD YOU TRY TO SET EVERYTHING UP TO SEE YOUR WIFE'S CHILD DIE?"  
"keh…you're such an idiot"  
the man kicked naruto's guts and threw him back  
"I find them all despicable  
I spent my life trying to ensure their future and how do they repay me?  
BY FUCKING WITH A DEMON"  
"you're sick and twisted"  
"and you're in for a world of pain  
heheh…just wait until akira wakes up  
he's my masterpiece  
i had my clone tell him that he can resurrect his mother by killing his sister…so of course I'm gonna have that son of a bitch kill his daughter of a WHORE sister"  
"and i'll just hand marylin over on a dining plate right?  
i'll STOP HIM IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO"  
"you won't be able to  
I wasn't officially the best of my time in terms of strength but when It came to knowledge…I was compare-able to rikudou himself"  
"tch…shut it already"  
naruto let go of the sword  
"guh…this is such a headache"  
tsunade slammed the doors down  
'damn…the guy who makes doors must be rich by now'  
"what?"  
"you won't believe it"  
"…what?"  
"derp gave over all his countries to us"  
naruto's jaw fell  
he wanted to drive his fist up his ass for betraying his dearest friend  
"not only that…sasuke's in the uzukage room"  
…author finds it hard to describe what happened to naruto

**UZUKAGE'S ROOM**

Naruto kicked the doors down  
"tayuya…don't bother calling the repairman  
I don't want doors anymore"  
"snore…."  
"…" naruto looked inside the room  
"dobe" sasuke nodded  
"teme  
what dafuq are you doing here?"  
"well…it's a long story  
just know that derp sent me over  
he said I should help you man up and mature a little"  
'akira…sorry won't cut it so I won't even bother'

**AKIRA'S HOSPITAL ROOM**

"guh…" he sighed in his bed and grimaced  
akira thought back to the note his mother left him  
the words appeared clear as day behind his closed eyelids  
"_akira my dear son  
I don't know where your sister is but…please find her  
you two may not be related by blood but…I've seen the way you treat her  
you treat her even better than a real sibling  
I'm so proud of you  
be strong akira…and remember  
the strongest are the ones who find it in their heart to forgive  
all my heart's love  
your mother, asuna_"  
after the words disappeared, grass and flowers filled the floor of his imagination  
he remembered the times he spent, playing with his sister  
"onii-chaaaan" she cried  
"what is it now?"  
akira leaned down and examined her crying sister  
she had a bruise on her knee  
"didn't I tell you to stop running in the meadows?"  
"_sniff_…it hurts" she wiped her tears with her tiny little hands  
"guh…here"  
akira used his bottle of water to clean the scratch and ripped his white shirt's sleeve off to cover her small wound  
"better?"  
she nodded but akira knew what she needed  
he picked her up bridal style and kissed her cheeks over and over  
"now?" he smiled at her  
"yup" she grinned back  
the chirping of birds on his window sucked him back into reality  
'I'm so gonna kill that motherfucker…after all I did for him…  
then again…how did he know my name?'  
he tried to fit anything into the riddle that was gnawing at his brain  
'wait…why would he want the yamato?  
oh no…it can't be that simple can it?  
that man who said held my sister…he wasn't…trapped in the sword was he?  
shit…SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT  
HE WAS RIGHT UNDER MY NOSE ALL THE TIME'  
akira's heart rates were clearly above 200  
'I'M GONNA GET HIM OUT OF THAT SEALED SWORD AND RAPE HIM TILL HE BEGS FOR MORE FUCKING  
but wait…where could he have put my sister?'

**UZUKAGE'S ROOM**

"well…what now?" sasuke crossed his arms  
"well…be at the beach tomorrow at 7 am sharp"  
"that's-"  
"sasuke?"  
both males turned to the pinkette  
her green eyes were surrounded by blue beads threatening to fall  
marylin was walking next to her too but she only stared blankly at the floor  
naruto picked her up and carried her on his back  
"I'll give you two some time alone"  
and he disappeared in his usual way

**AKIRA'S HOSPITAL ROOM**

Naruto walked in and closed the door behind him  
he put some flowers in the vase and sat next to akira's bed  
"hey…I know you'll kill me anyway so…before that…"  
'urgh…I'm really beginning to hate your voice dude…'  
he put marylin on akira's chest  
"I'm here to apologize akira  
I was fooled by the sword and…I'll give you two some privacy" he jumped out the window

**AKIRA'S POV**

'shit…what'd he put on me?..more seals?"  
"umm…o…onii-san"  
'marylin!  
holy shit is it really you?  
this is too good to be true  
I love you man, thanks for this'  
"onii-san…is it true?  
do you want to kill me?"  
'…okay that's just messed up  
I LOVE KIDS  
WHY WOULD I KILL YOU?'  
"so you can see mommy again?"  
'oh come on  
who would buy that bullshit?'  
she started crying  
'if…_sniff_…if it makes onii-chan happy…_sniff_…go ahead'  
akira gritted his teeth and opened his eyes but…they weren't in their usual, calm brown color  
naruto's drawing began appearing all over him again  
she closed her eyes for what was coming to her  
the heart rates flew to over 400  
'you haven't changed….one bit…I've missed you so much…'  
**"GRRRR"  
**as he barely managed to raise his arm, she started crying harder but still sat on his chest  
his fingers were about to touch her  
finally  
after all these years of patience and training….pushing himself to the limit  
'just…a little…mor-'  
"MARYLIN"  
naruto jumped through the window and snatched her before derp's fingers could reach her  
'shit…i made it in time'  
marylin cried in naruto's bossom…she cried her heart out  
**"AAHHHH"  
**akira reached out for her but…naruto only took a few steps back  
he put marylin on the couch and approached akira  
"look man…I'm sorry but…I don't know who I'm supposed to trust after what I saw  
maybe your old man was right…"  
akira didn't care what naruto was blabbering… he was still looking at his sister…his hand still held toward her  
she was looking back at him with tearful eyes  
'I'm coming for you marylin….even if it means…I have to go against the world'  
naruto summoned a kunai from his sleeve seal and charged it with wind chakra  
he lifted the kunai over akira's head  
"i…I'm sorry man…"  
'NO'  
visions of his mother's head flying flew to akira's mind  
the stern look on that blonde man's face…minato namikaze's face  
as he was about to pierce akira's throat with his blade, a kick to the face threw him out the window  
'ugh…dafuq?'  
naruto landed on one of the roofs and looked up at the person who smashed his face in  
itachi stared back at him with a cold gaze and naruto only returned the favor  
"what do you think you're doing?"  
"it's none of your concern"  
"oh but it is" itachi drew a kunai  
"I thought I sensed a familiar chakra begging to erupt from the hospital  
good thing I noticed it was derp-sama's soon enough"  
"YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO THAT GUY IS  
HE'S A SICK TWISTED FUCKER WHO WANTS TO KILL HIS SISTER JUST TO SEE HIS MOM AGAIN"  
"well…I can understand him"  
"w..what?"  
"I'm actually surprised you're trying to stop him uzumaki  
you too, know well the pain of growing without parents so you should be able to relate to him but…you have a new family now  
that's why you've turned against him"  
this single true fact stabbed at naruto's heart like a thousand blazing needles  
when did he forget?  
when did he lose track of it all?  
his reason…his goal…why he had trained so hard…was to be strong enough to protect everyone around him not FUCK them  
"you're right…but now that I have a new family…I can't risk having a madman like him running around  
he needs to be stopped"  
"and you need to leav-"  
"KYAAAAA"  
it was marylin's scream  
itachi, instinctively turned around but…he realized it too late  
he had turned his back to his enemy  
but to his surprise, naruto just jumped over him and ran toward the room

**AKIRA'S HOSPITAL ROOM**

Marylin was all curled up on the couch and was afraid of the man on the floor with marks and seals all over him crawling towards her  
"**M…MARY…"  
**"NO  
GET AWAY FROM ME"  
some of akira's skin tissues were red while the others were badly bleeding  
he was putting too much pressure on himself by moving his hand, let alone crawl out of his bed  
'i…I guess I am scary…with my eyes like this…and bleeding all over but…I can't stop marylin  
I just….want to-'  
"MARYLIN" naruto jumped in through the window and lifted her up  
a single bead of blood drop from akira's eye as they disappeared  
**"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGH HHHHHHHHHH"  
**he screamed from the top of his lungs as his life blood…his heart…his deity…his sister disappeared in front of him

**THE NEXT DAY – NARUTO'S USUAL TRAINING FIELD**

"**well...i hope you had fun yesterday because-"  
**"what the fuck is this?" naruto pointed to the people behind kurama  
**"guh…as I was SAYING  
I took the liberty of personally bringing all the kages over"  
**"BUT HOW?  
YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO-"  
**"hiraishin?  
It was tough I admit but after seeing you do it so many times, of course I memorized it"  
**"urgh…I'm gonna be sick"  
"Let us do our best uzukage-sama" the raikage bowed  
"umm…yes…wh…what he said" the mizukage blushed and bowed  
"hmph" sasuke crossed his arms  
**"I'm gonna enjoy this gaki"  
**"can I at LEAST have a handicap or something?"  
"CHIDORI" sasuke dashed towards naruto without a warning  
'shit' naruto jumped to the left and avoided his sizzling jab  
"LAVA BULLET"  
'eh?'  
naruto stared in awe as the mizukage threw the bullets of blazing lava out of her mouth and aimed them at naruto  
'well…let's see now'  
"FIRE ROCKET"  
naruto threw his counter rockets but contrary to his expectations, the bullets absorbed the rockets and became even bigger  
naruto had no choice  
he lost control of his feet chakra and sank into the water  
"bad choice uzukage-sama…URAAH"  
the raikage slammed his thunder charged fist into the water and fried naruto's nerves  
**"pathetic  
I wasn't even participating and we attacked you one by one"  
**"ugh…shut up you damn fox"  
naruto groaned as he lazily floated on the water surface

**AKIRA'S HOSPITAL ROOM**

"well?" itachi asked with a tone that said if he didn't hear what he wanted, bad shit would fall upon the doctor  
"erm…I think the seals will be gone in a week but…I don't know when he'll heal from the stress he has put on his tissues" the doctor chuckled and scratched his head  
"hear that?  
just because you got emotional, you're staying in bed for a pretty long time"  
'no I'm not  
soon as the seals are gone, I'm healing myself and getting the fuck outta here'  
he nodded in agreement with itachi just to satisfy him though  
"good boy  
now-"  
"DERP-SAMAAAAA" tobi tackle-hugged him and akira gritted his teeth and wanted to cry  
"TOBI…I wanted to hug him first" konan pouted  
'darnit…what did I do to deserve this?'

**NARUTO'S TRAINING FIELD – SEVENTH DAY**

"**well gaki…today, he gets up so at least make this a challenge"  
**"heh"  
naruto tightened his swirl head-band around his forehead and grinned in his usual manner  
he didn't wear a shirt and the sweat on his shredded muscles only helped make him glow  
his knee-long shorts wavered loosely against the sea wind  
he took a deep breath and calmed his nerves  
"one last time?"  
"LAVA BULLET"  
**"FIRE ROCKET"  
**"GRAND FIREBALL"  
the meteor-like combined attack flew toward naruto, leaving steams of water in its path  
naruto drew his blade and concentrated cutting wind chakra into it  
"HAAH"  
he cut the meteor in half and behind it, a thunder charged fist made contact with his face  
"hmph…not good enough uzukage-sama"  
"ya think?"  
A (I mean the raikage…that's his name if you didn't know) looked up to see three blonde clones throw a fireball toward him  
"tch" he merely punched the balls away as if his skin was made of iron  
"missed me?"  
the naruto he had punched returned the favor with an elbow to his face  
the other three clones landed on the water surface and each rushed at one of naruto's opponents  
**'I wonder which one is real…'  
**kurama engaged his share of naruto in a fierce taijutsu battle  
mizukage wasn't exactly perfect at short range battles so she tried her best to take care of him right then and there  
"WATER CLONE" two clones of Terumi rose out of the water and rushed at naruto  
"WATER BULLET" the clones shouted  
"gimme a break…" naruto easily sidestepped the bullets and smiled at the clones as he shoved masamune into their guts  
"WATER PRISON"  
the clones shouted as they seemingly hugged naruto while in fact, Terumi had appeared behind him and had used the water on him to trap him  
"not bad my dear but…take a look around"  
"eh?"  
she was surrounded by five clones, pointing their charged katana at her  
"well…at least I got to trap the real you right?"  
"nope"  
"eh?"  
all six clones disappeared in a puff of smoke  
'when did he…'  
**"GRAHAHA"  
**Kurama shoved his clawed hands into naruto's chest  
**"whoops.."  
**"took the words right outta my mouth" naruto grinned with his eyes red as blood  
**"what the-"  
**naruto's skin began turning into explosive seals  
**"fuck m-"  
**the explosion threw kurama at least twenty meters away and even though he could absorb flames, this was too much since his reserves were full  
**'motherfucker…'  
**"come on A  
is that the best you got?" naruto grinned with a smashed up face  
"you're one to talk naruto" raikage smiled back with a bruised face  
"I'll give you a C for lasting out this long but this is it…URAAAH" he charged his body with thunder and tackled naruto  
"THUNDER LARIAT"  
"ah fuck"  
the clone turned into rubbles of rock before A could make contact  
"what the?"  
'he could make a rock clone out of rubbles?...what chakra control!'  
"UZUMAKI KILLER COMBOOO…."  
"what the-"  
three clones kicked him up from under the water and three other clones summersaulted him even higher  
'guh…YAY I'm flying :D'  
"IRON BREAKER"  
naruto kicked A in the forehead with a super charged foot  
he had it filled to the brim with demonic chakra and his nails had turned into claws because of that  
the raikage crashed into the water surface and sank at least ten meters before floating back up again  
"well…_spit_…at least-"  
"nope"  
all of them disappeared  
"OH COME ON  
WHAT KIND OF CLONE CAN BE THAT STRONG?"  
Terumi, Kurama and A watched in awe as naruto and sasuke were holding their stand against each other  
they finally separated with a kick to each other's chin  
"time to finish this dobe" the curse mark consumed sasuke  
**"bring it teme" **Naruto's animalistic attire enveloped him  
they both charged their ultimate jutsus…the sky over sasuke suddenly turned dark and the water beneath naruto's feet began boiling  
a single thunder bolt hit sasuke's raised hand and left a pure white chidor there  
naruto held his right arm with his left and poured his demonic chakra into his right palm, creating a black sphere  
**"NARUTOOOOOO" **sasuke roared and ran toward naruto  
**"SASUKEEEEEEEEE" **naruto didn't hesitate one bit  
**"VAGINAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" **kurama screamed afterwards  
Terumi glared at him and A facepalmed  
**"what?"**  
naruto and sasuke's attacks clashed and for a moment, seemed to merge…but alas  
a purple sphere began to grow around them and cover them completely  
"heh…this is familiar" a ten year old naruto grinned as he scratched his whisker marks  
"yeah…" the ten year old sasuke replied as they watched the white void around them  
"well…whadya think?"  
"meh…you'll at least be a challenge if not beat him"  
"aww…I'm so moved I wanna cry"  
sasuke kicked naruto in the manhood and the void turned dark as they were sucked back into reality  
"did I get him?" naruto asked Terumi as she cleared his spiky hair out of his face  
"hmhm…no but I guess we could call it a draw"  
"well…there's always more where that came from"

**AKIRA'S HOSPITAL ROOM**

'finally…'  
akira felt a tingle on his chest  
the seal was finally fading away  
ten minutes later and akira was already able to sit up  
'uzumaki…I decided to do as my mother told me and forgive but…it seems we're destined to fight to the death after all…I wish-'  
"ah…derp-sama  
you're awake" itachi threw an apple at him and akira caught it with his mouth  
"well…what now?"  
"_chomp_…I train"  
"….well…what now?"  
"I said I'll begin training"  
"yes but…it's just…the word TRAINING doesn't really seem fit for someone like you"  
"what?  
I'm human ain't i?  
sides  
sleeping in one place makes me really wanna go"  
"go where?"  
SLAM  
the bathroom door closed shut and the farting parade began  
"GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH  
sweet 8 pound 6 ounces new born rikudou…HALLELUJAH"

**NARUTO'S ROOM**

"I'm home"  
"welcome home"  
"welcome home naruto-san"  
"welcome home naruto-kun"  
and this went on as haku, tenten, ayame, shizune, tayuya, tsunade and marylin greeted her  
they had all taken time off their jobs to protect marylin on naruto's orders incase akira appeared  
"thanks girls  
I'll take it from here  
give me a hug?"  
naruto knelt and marylin jumped into naruto's arms  
"did you do it today?"  
"yup…just like I promised  
can I have my prize now?" naruto oh-so-cheekily asked  
marylin wrapped her arms around his neck and pushed her lips onto his face and kissed his cheek  
"YEAAH  
now that gave me some energy"  
naruto walked into the kitchen and opened his cabinet doors…all ramen…from ichiraku of course  
"well…whadya want for dinner?"  
"…" marylin leered at him and naruto sweat-dropped  
"we've been eating ramen all week  
can't we go out or something?"  
"well…how about ichi-"  
"you took me there three days ago and it was a ramen store  
can I have…anything else?" she crossed her arms and pouted  
she knew naruto had lost the battle when he closed the cabinet doors  
"well…fine"  
"YAAAAY"

**UZU BEACH**

'damn…when did this place get so extravagant?'  
naruto and marylin walked through the beach side shopping district and marylin took anything edible in her sight  
cotton candy, ice cream, dumplings,etc.  
naruto had to carry it all since it was…un-gentlemanly the way she put it  
he and marylin sat on a bench on the sands and naruto dropped everything he carried  
marylin helped herself to it and dived into the pile of junk food  
"YAAAY  
thanks naruto-nii-san"  
"oh…yeah  
my pleasure" he sheepishly grinned  
'never been called a brother before'

**KONOHA – NARUTO'S TRAINING FIELD**

"yo…so let's get to it  
it's dark…quiet…and there's even a river right there"  
"err…"  
kisame and itachi looked around  
"isn't this a bit too much boss?" kisame groaned  
"nonsense…sides  
I ain't your boss so either bring it or I'll just fuck you senseless"  
"okay…WATER BULLET"  
"tch"  
akira sidestepped the incoming bullets and avoided itachi's swoop kick from behind  
"YEAH  
guess I'm not too rusty huh?...ah fuck"  
akira scratched his head as he stared at kisame's deformed body  
he looked exactly like a shark now  
and itachi had his mangekyo turned on  
"well…" akira summoned blue flames in his hands and activated his dojutsu  
**"bring it"**

**UZU BEACH – NARUTO AND MARYLIN'S SEAT**

"had enough?"  
marylin snored in return and shifted her head on naruto's leg  
"dobe"  
"naruto"  
"yo  
just the people I wanted to see"  
naruto praised his ex-team mates to the high heavens for being there to carry marylin  
sakura was wearing a pink yukata with cherry blossoms on it  
sasuke was wearing a blue robe with the uchiha mark on its back  
she carefully picked marylin off naruto's leg and petted her back as she sang a lullaby for her  
"congratz man" naruto patted sasuke's back  
"on what?"  
naruto put his hand on sakura's belly and it glowed green  
"I feel another life in her"  
sakura nearly dropped marylin  
"re..really?  
you're sure?" sakura smiled like she was just given a oneway ticket to heaven  
"completely sure?" sasuke asked in a way that told naruto if he was joking, he'd be crippled  
"err…yeah  
you're not a softie for kids are you?"  
sasuke crossed his arms and shrugged  
"of course I'm not"  
"thank you naruto  
this is such good news..awww…hear that marylin?  
I'm having a little baby"  
"_groan_…how?"  
that one single word kicked everyone out of their happy stupor  
naruto put his hand on her head and it glowed green again  
"gotta thank tsunade for these nifty tricks huh?"

**NARUTO'S TRAINING GROUNDS – KONOHA**

"keh…not bad  
not bad at all"  
akira snapped his fingers and all the blue flames surrounding him and any blue fires on the trees died out instantly  
"ugh…told you…you didn't need training"  
itachi coughed blood and kisame was back to his normal…well…more human-like form  
"did I say training?  
I meant stretch out  
now...who wants ramen?"

**UZUGAKURE – NARUTO'S APARTMENT**

Naruto's thoughts trailed back to sasuke and sakura  
the thought of his child inside the person she loved…it had a…nice feeling to it  
his happy dreams died when he glanced at the yamato  
'…' he reached for the scabbard and jumped into derp's dimension  
"yo dickwall"  
"what is it now?  
is he finally here?"  
"no  
but I need to know…is he seriously planning to kill her?"  
"how would I know?"  
"he's your son  
don't you think alike?"  
"well…I left him when he was six months old so…"  
"fuck…he carried you all the time  
didn't he say anything?"  
"nope  
I'm actually proud he doesn't talk to himself like some of those shitty animes where the bad guys talk about their evil plans over and over"  
"…he's not a bad guy"  
"oh?  
you would know how?"  
"I believe in him"  
"OH COME ON  
DON'T START THAT BULLSHIT ABOUT HOPE AND LOVE AND TRUST WITH ME BOY  
I SHOULD KNOW THAT THESE ARE ALL FIGMENTS OF THE HUMAN IMAGINATION IN IT'S FUTILE EFFORT TO FIND MEANING AND REASON TO GO ON WHEN THERE'S NOTHING LEFT"  
"…I feel sorry for you…"  
"…what?"  
"you worked so hard for the people you loved...and now you feel betrayed  
but in the end…I'm sorry to say it's your fault for not even asking your wif-"  
derp grabbed naruto's throat and lifted him up  
'what speed…'  
"don't…you…DARE speak about her boy  
I loved her with every fiber of my being  
do you know how much it hurt?  
to see the woman who gave birth to our child…with another man…with a demon for that matter"  
"demon or human-"  
naruto grabbed his arm with both hands  
"YOU SHOULD BE THANKFUL HE WAS THERE FOR AKIRA WHEN YOU WEREN'T"  
he kneed the man's arm and it made a sickening noise as it broke  
"AAAAAAAAARRRGGHHHH" he grabbed his arm and cried…but something told him it wasn't from the pain  
he flew back to reality as he let go of the sword  
"tch…" he stared at his hands  
'I'm one to talk…I don't know what I would do if…if my love tried to move on after I died…'  
"mmm" marylin shifted on her couch and hugged her bunny plushie  
"akira onii-san…"  
'oh yeah…I almost forgot about him…I should get to work'  
he picked up the red book on the desk  
the cover said 'art of battle - useful notes' in naruto's crappy handwriting

**NEXT MORNING**

"ugh…fuck me that took long"  
naruto wrote the last word on the wall and the words began glowing  
'this should prevent anymore teleportations around the village'  
he put his hands on the words and channeled his chakra into them  
"hrrrrrr"  
**"gaki"  
**"not…now"  
kurama put his hands on naruto's shoulders and channeled his chakra  
**"thought I sensed your chakra here…what is this?"  
**"GRAH"  
naruto shouted and the words vanished on the concrete  
"long story man…in this week…I had clones study the archives while I was training out there"  
**"WHAT?  
didn't we agree you'd stop that when I'm not inside you?"  
**"as I was SAYING" he grinned and threw kurama's words back to him  
"before I went to sleep, I'd absorb their info so the damage could be decreased as much as possible"  
kurama took naruto's head-band off of him  
red veins here and there on his forehead showed signs of great stress  
**"and this?"  
**"I'll rest plenty when akira's gone okay?"  
**"tch.."** he threw the head band back at naruto  
**"why are you doing so much for a girl you don't even know?"  
**"what are you talking about?"  
he got up and put his head-band back on  
"I'm the kage of this village  
I'm here to protect everyone here and marylin isn't any exception"  
**'now where have I heard that before?'**

**KONOHA – FRONT GATES**

A deadly silence reigned supreme as akira stared at the endless horizon before him  
he dropped his glasses and put his black gloves on  
"let's go"  
"heh" itachi chuckled  
"what?"  
"it's…nothing  
it just gives me a good feeling to hear you so…EDGY"  
"tch…retard"  
kisame, itachi, tobi and konan put their hands on his shoulder and he closed his eyes

**UZUGAKURE – FRONT GATES**

Naruto, sasuke, raikage, mizukage and kurama stood on top of the gate, staring at the approaching dark sky  
"so…where'd you get that again teme?"  
"none of your business dobe"  
everyone were in their battle uniforms  
sasuke had his family armor on him  
it looked much like a samurai's with a decorated uchiha symbol on the back  
mizukage just wore an extra vest with scrolls on it since she was a long range to begin with  
the raikage had a shield-like iron armor on his chest with a dragon staring in a deadly way at anyone who dared even look at it  
kurama hadn't changed much…the usual black pants and red shirt  
just his trusty red sword strapped to his back  
naruto wore black combat pants and a black vest with nothing under it  
he had also strapped the yamato and masamune to his sides  
**"they're here…"  
**Kurama pointed forward, where the black sky appeared outta nowhere  
"well…at least now we know he can't teleport inside the village" naruto drew his blades  
sasuke, A and Terumi crouched  
kurama took out his sword and licked it hungrily  
**"patience my dear…soon I'll feed you to your heart's desire"  
**naruto, sasuke, A and Terumi stared at kurama like he was insane  
**"what?  
at least I don't lick MYSELF like someone I could name"**

**UZUGAKURE DAYCARE**

Marylin looked out the window at the approaching dark clouds  
"onii-san…"

**THE GATES**

"NARUTOOOOO"  
akira shouted as he and his friends walked out of the woods  
"PRETTY NEAT TRICK YOU USED ON THE VILLAGE MATE…BUT IT'S ONLY DELAYING THE INEVITABLE"  
all five jumped down the gates and cracked the ground beneath as they landed  
"I'm not letting you anywhere near her akira"  
'akira?...that's his name?' kisame glanced at akira  
'…not bad' itachi thought  
'akira?...wow…akira-kun…' konan thought  
"A-KUUUUN" tobi hugged akira  
"guh…just cause you know my name doesn't mean you get to hug me tobi  
anyways  
give me back what's mine naruto"  
"marylin doesn't belong to anyone"  
"…I meant the sword nimrud"  
"…OH  
SO NOW YOU WANT IT BACK?  
DON'T I REMEMBER SOMEONE NOT LENDING IT TO ME?" naruto sarcastically shouted  
"guh…I just need one last word with him"  
"…fine" naruto threw the yamato with a deadly speed at akira  
he caught it with his fingers right before it hit him on the nose  
"not bad…you've been training…now" he gripped the sword  
as seconds went by akira gripped the sword stronger and the edge cut deeper into his gloves and eventually into his skin

**AKIRA'S POV**

"yo"  
the two men were spitting images of each other  
from the gray shoes, black pants, blue coats, blue shirt to the tip of their heads…that's where it stopped  
they had different hair cut  
"so…what am I supposed to call you now derp?"  
"dad would be a nice start"  
"heh...funny...you even dare use that WORD  
MY DAD LEFT US TO ROT WHEN I WAS BARELY EVEN ONE YEAR OLD" he shouted, clearly pissed at the man's carefree words  
"I didn't leave you to rot akira"  
he put his hands on akira's shoulders  
"I left to ensure our future"  
"and how would that have been any different if you just stayed with us?"  
"very…as you can see…I have a fragile body so I can't protect myself, let alone you and your mother"  
"tch…don't bullshit me old man" akira shoved derp back  
"so what?  
If you had actually started PUSHING YOURSELF for once, you wouldn't have had to leave  
how am I any different from you?  
I was weak and fragile too  
but…that day I saw you in the meadows…as you watched mother die...and ran with your tail between your legs…I knew you were lower than SHIT  
at least I can say I'm proud that I never stood by idly while people died in front of me  
it's a good thing you disappeared when you did and lived on  
now I can finish you myself"  
"…your words scratch at my heart my son"  
"SHUT UP  
I HAVE NO FATHER"  
derp knelt down and wrapped his arms around akira's knees  
"please…please forgive your foolish father for being such an idiot"  
akira raised his hand and black flames came to life on his palm  
**"…I'd ask you to say hi to mom but…you're not going anywhere near her"**

**BACK IN REALITY**

The yamato turned red in akira's hands and Terumi couldn't help but gasp  
'wh…what power…'  
"…akira?" naruto whispered  
akira slowly opened his eyes and revealed his dojutsu for everyone to see  
he threw the sword back and it cut naruto's cheek as it passed by and pierced the village gates  
**"I'll ask this nicely naruto  
give me marylin and no one dies"  
**"I'm sorry but I can't let you harm her"  
**"I'm not here to-"  
**"CHIDORI" sasuke flew toward akira but itachi punched him away and followed to finish the job  
**"guh…as-"  
**"LAVA BULLET" konan's layer upon layers of papers blocked the flaming bullets  
"get your bitchy hands off my akira"  
**"fuck…you see-"  
**"URAAAH"  
"not so fast" tobi shoved akira out of the way and took his hit for him but…A's fist just passed through him  
"what the…"  
**"goddammit…listen naruto-"  
"FIREBALL"  
"FUCK YOU" **akira shot a black fireball out of his palm that swallowed kurama's and exploded  
**"KISAME  
DON'T JUST STAND THERE  
TAKE CARE OF THE THUNDER KAGE  
TOBI, BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF THAT FOX"  
**"YOSH" tobi cheerfully answered  
"ugh…let's get this over with" kisame took all the bandages off his samehada with a quick swing  
"eagerness…never seen a speck of that on you before my friend"  
**"Wh**at are you talking about?  
I just want anyone that survives to come to your aid"  
"eh?"

**ITACHI VS SASUKE**

"foolish little brother  
I already beat you when refused to come to konoha with me  
what's the use now?"  
sasuke closed his eyes and raised his hand  
"oh sure  
why don't I stay still while you do your thing?" he sarcastically said  
he threw two shurikens toward sasuke and he disappeared on impact  
"guh…isn't this a bit childish?"  
"not really"  
he ducked in time to avoid an electrically charged katana  
he shoved a kunai in sasuke's stomach and he also disappeared on impact  
"I see naruto's been rubbing off on you"  
"keh  
even the thought of him rubbing off on me is disgusting"  
'this feeling…'  
a red chakra surrounded itachi and a hand rose from the sphere and stopped the giant arrow in its tracks  
"I see you've learnt how to use the susano" itachi turned around and glared at sasuke's chakra armor  
it wasn't complete and looked like a skeleton but…he could tell sasuke was holding back if he had used susano already  
"how?"  
"oh you know…the family slab reveals a lot when you look at it…"  
sasuke blinked and his eyes changed into the shape of a red hexagon with black shuriken in them  
"with the heart's eye"  
"wait…this can't be right  
you can't-"  
"use the mangekyo unless you kill someone dear to you?  
well…kurama helped me out with that  
it wasn't a breeze and it hurt like hell when he split my head open but…what matters is that I have it  
now…where were we?"  
sasuke's susano aimed his crossbow at itachi and the skeleton head seemingly grinned  
"so what?  
you still can't-"  
"AMATERASU"  
'WHAT?'  
itachi jumped up to avoid the black flames from consuming him  
'uh-oh'  
his susano swinged his sword and multiple giant shuriken flew out to stop sasuke's arrow  
"not bad eh?" sasuke smiled with bleeding eyes which made itachi take a step back  
"hmph…don't get too cock-"  
"CHIDORI"  
'goddammit'  
he sidestepped and dodged the clone but…it was just a simple flying kick  
'what daf-'  
"RAIKIRI"  
itachi jumped up but to his surprise, a clone rose out of the ground and showed his magic finger to itachi  
"SHISHI RENDAN" (also known as lion combo)  
'oh fuc-'  
sasuke used his susano to kick itachi into the ground and he coughed blood as the ground beneath him cracked  
"not bad…I admit-"  
"**amaterasu"**  
The hovering deformed sasuke whispered and a second later, itachi was screaming in the flames  
"hmhmhmhm….hahahaha….foolish brother"  
sasuke was standing still and staring into space while itachi had his finger on his forehead  
"stay in my genjutsu forever if you must…until you realize you can't beat me  
this is the magic of izanami, the greatest genjutsu eve-"  
SMACK  
sasuke's suckerpunch to the jaw instantly knocked him out  
"shut your mouth dammit…izanami works when you're right…hmph"  
he took out a bottle of saki  
"cheers"  
and he started drinking the spring wine

**TERUMI VS KONAN**

'I'm soooo gonna smack that bitch for trying to harm akira-kun'  
"EXPLOSIVE PAPERS"  
'think fast…ah!'  
"LAVA WALL"  
Terumi raised her hands and a wall of hot magma rose to burn all the papers  
'heh…this should be a piece of cake' Terumi smiled to herself  
'darnit…I guess…'  
konan went through a series of handsigns and paper wings rose out of her back  
she used them to hover over Terumi and started going through more handsigns  
'what's she planning now?  
well…I won't wait to find out'  
she also started her handsign engine but terumi was clearly faster  
she wasn't the mizukage for nothing  
"NOW  
FIREBALL  
LAVA BULLET"  
she opened her mouth and a flurry of flaming spheres shot out of her mouth  
"hmph"  
her wings closed around her and protected her from the flames  
as the papers burnt away, new papers appeared from under her cloak to replace them  
"paper world"  
she finished her handsigns and pointed her fingers at Terumi  
if it wasn't for her instinctive battle reflexes, Terumi would be minced meat now  
the ground beneath her feet literally turned to sharp and hard paper and flew toward her but she jumped back to avoid it  
as konan moved her fingers, more papers rose out of the ground to follow Terumi with her hand movements  
'dammit…this can't go on forever…I need to finish her fast'  
she started running toward her and threw a few shuriken toward her  
she simply flapped her wing and dodged to the left  
"hmph  
you're gonna have to do better than that you moron"  
'ugh…talk about bitch hormones overflowing…'  
she also jumped to the left and waved her arms to the left  
'uh-oh'  
konan could feel the steel wires wrap around her  
terumi wrapped all the chakra reserve scrolls she had around the wire and grinned like the evil bitch she was on the inside  
"DRAGON FLAME JUTSU"  
'heh…if I'm going down…'  
she moved her index finger and a paper rose out of the ground and hit her in the shoulder  
she didn't stop though  
she grabbed the string and used it to guide her all-consuming flames toward konan  
since her wings were burning too fast for her to repair them, she finally fell down  
Terumi used her last chance  
"GREAT LAVA BURIAL"  
she slammed her hands on the ground and the ground opened its mouth and swallowed konan into its fiery lava chambers  
"phew…I did it…"  
and she fell  
"oops…guess I shouldn't have had that drink huh?"  
the blond incomer knelt beside Terumi and started working on her shoulder

**TOBI VS KURAMA**

**'tch...what's up with him?'  
**no matter how fast and how hard kurama punched and slashed at tobi, his hits would just pass through the fucker  
"you can't beat me fucker" tobi's sharingan eye began spinning and kurama was sucked into his eye  
"well...all that's left is to wait for that foolish piece of shit to be killed by naruto and..._cough_"  
blood?  
he hadn't seen that out of his body for...ever now  
**"YEAAAAAAAAAAH  
BIJUU-DAMA TO THE MAX MOTHERFUCKER"**  
kurama was in his nine-tailed fox form and was throwing a bijuu-dama in every direction  
after five brutal moments of tobi's insides squirming and tearing apart, he finally threw kurama out and fell with a doll thud  
**"awww come on  
at least put up a fight you little shit...meh...i'll just go help someone"**

**RAIKAGE VS KISAME**

"GYAHAHA"  
kisame pounded away at A's armor with his giant sword and A could only use the armor as a shield  
'dammit…every time I try to charge myself, the damn sword absorbs it'  
"WATER DRAGON JUTSU"  
"eh?"  
kisame was swallowed by a dragon shaped wave and A took a breath of relief  
"having problems?" zabuza took his bandages off  
"yeah…his sword-"  
"I know what the samehada does dumbass  
I was one of the mist's seven swordsmen afterall" he took out his blade and smirked  
"long time no see fish-head"  
"I could say the same smiles" kisame threw away his cloak and started his transformation  
"hope you're ready for this raikage…it's going to be a pain in the ass"  
"GRAAAH" the deformed shark-man dashed toward the former mist demon and tackled him to the ground  
"URYAH  
THUNDER FIST"  
A punched kisame in the ribs and he groaned  
'a groan?...JUST A GROAN?  
I punched an elephant dead with that!'  
"GRAH"  
kisame kicked A away and started pounding zabuza's head in  
zabuza turned into a puddle of water after his third kick  
"tch…faggots"  
he turned to the raikage and lifted his sword  
"samehada seems to have taken a liking to your…chakra raikage"  
"well it can go FUCK ITSELF"  
zabuza brought his sword down on kisame's neck but…the sword broke in half  
"fuck-"  
"YOU"  
he kicked the former mist demon in the guts and knocked him out for good  
'is he HUMAN?'  
"hmph…need some help?" sasuke landed beside A  
"yes…thank you uchiha-san"  
"well then I guess I'll start working on the shark teeth"  
"good to see you beside us, tsunade-hime"  
**"this is getting fun"** kurama walked in on the party with a demonic grin as always

"well naruto…I see you've trained your men well"  
"I could say the same dude"  
"i didn't do shit"  
"douchebag says what?"  
"what?"  
"…" naruto grinned  
akira gritted his teeth and sighed  
"we're having a serious conversation here motherfucker  
what I meant is that I didn't help them at all"  
"OH NO  
WE'RE THE EXACT OPPOSITES  
I HELPED THEM ELEVATE INTO A HIGHER-"  
"JUST…shut your fucking trap mate  
we can't even have a normal conversation without you fucking it up"

The game completely changed when sasuke,kurama and tsunade joined the fight  
sasuke ,kurama and A kept kisame busy with taijutsu while tsunade helped zabuza recover  
"guh…I swear I'm gonna make him pay for breaking my sword"  
"well…you'd better"  
tsunade jumped away to help A and kurama and sasuke  
'tch…what is this guy?  
it's like hitting iron'  
'hmph  
my fist are actually beginning to hurt'  
**'god damn this is fun  
no matter how much i punch him, he just keeps smiling'**  
"what a bunch of babys  
don't you know when you're in way over your heads?"  
"I should be asking YOU"  
"e-"  
as kisame looked to the right, tsunade's jab made contact and kisame's jaw completely broke  
he flew a few meters before landing and skipping across the ground  
"okay guys…ready?"  
**"already?  
i was just getting ready to claw the guy"**  
"well..."  
sasuke and A looked up at the gray and cloudy sky  
"ready as we can be right A?  
"yes"  
"and you?"  
"I'll be just fine" zabuza started going through handsigns and A and sasuke soon followed  
kurama faced his palms toward kisame and closed his eyes  
"_CRUNCH_" kisame placed his jaw back in place with a bite that looked like it could chew iron like butter  
I'LL FUCK YOU GOOD FOR THAT PUNCH YOU FUCKING WHORE"  
"douchbag says what?"  
"WHUH?"  
"URYAAAAAH"  
tsunade kneed kisame in the stomach and kisame felt the air escape his lungs  
she grabbed his neck and threw him toward zabuza  
"GREAT WATER WYVERN JUTSU"  
'what?  
there's no water around…has he gotten strong enough to create water out of humidity?'  
kisame looked back and saw a grinning shark-teethed demon  
before he knew it, a blue dragon swallowed him whole and flew toward the sky  
"NOW" tsunade shouted and zabuza released his jutsu and the dragon disappeared and left kisame high up in the air  
"THUNDER BOLT"  
"GOD'S THUNDER"  
in mid-air, kisame was showered with at least a hundred thunder-bolts and felt like his insides were frying  
and as soon as he began falling and thought it was over...**"BIJUU-DAMAAAAAA"**

**BACK WITH NARUTO AND AKIRA**

"not bad I must say…I wasn't expecting them to win-"  
"Well whadya expect?  
they're uzugakure's finest"  
"and it took five just to beat kisame?" itachi appeared behind akira  
"err…yeah?"  
tsunade,kurama , A, sasuke and zabuza appeared in front of naruto  
"didn't I knock you out?"  
"are you kidding me?  
you expect me to go down with a PUNCH?"  
akira patted itachi's shoulder  
"don't sweat it mate  
help me beat the shit out of these fuckers?"  
"my pleasure"  
akira gripped his gloved fist with a smirk  
"okay guys  
I don't think itachi is anything less than kisame so don't let your guard down"  
"GAKIIIII"  
"eh?" naruto looked up and couldn't help but smile at the familiar voice  
jiraya landed behind naruto in his usual crappy pose  
"starting a party without me?  
I thought I trained you better"  
"oh go fuck yourself you perverted old-"  
"GREAT FIREBALL JUTSU"  
"WATER VORTEX"  
zabuza and itachi's jutsus collided and it was a draw as both jutsus faded…but everyone knew that itachi had actually won  
water is the weakness of fire so when fire and water collide and end up in a draw…you do the math geniuses  
"I love breaking these emotional get-togethers so shut the fuck up and get your head in the game"  
**"I've had it…itachi  
leave naruto to me  
finish the rest"  
**"as you wish…GREAT FIREBALL JUTSU"  
the group jumped up to avoid the fireball and naruto ran to the left with akira following shortly  
**"I'm tired of this game of cat and mouse naruto  
get over here so I can finish you and finally see marylin"  
**"sure  
why not right?  
how bout I **bring her to you right NOW  
CUTTING EDGE"  
**naruto rapidly slashed his sword and created multiple waves of piercing wind chakra  
akira didn't stop running toward naruto and simply sidestepped or jumped over the waves  
**"HAH"  
**akira lit his arms on blue fire and tried to punch naruto  
'shit…if I get hit by one, I'm done for'  
**"HRAH"  
**he kicked naruto in the stomach and stood over him as he coughed and gasped for air  
**"if you think holding out till the others arrive will help…its useless  
by the time they're over with itachi, they'll either be too late or too weak to do shit and will only get in your way…so goodbye"  
**he raised his leg and set it on fire as he heel kicked naruto's head and sensed the skull break under his foot  
'tch…amateur'  
naruto turned into a log…it was a kawarimi  
he leaned his head to the right and avoided kurama's claws  
he grabbed his wrist and broke it with a harsh twist  
kurama just laughed and elbowed akira's face with a sharp turn  
akira also grinned in return and punched kurama's neck, making him faint instantly  
"demon or human...your brain needs to send orders from somewhere right?"  
"ODAMA RASENGAN"  
"heh"  
akira grabbed kurama's leg and disappeared in a blue blur  
naruto crushed where akira was standing to rubble  
**"such a bad pupil you are naruto...you nearly killed your own mentor" he dropped the red haired demon**  
"w...what?"  
**"c'mon fag  
I just wanna see-"  
**"o…onii-san"  
"…my sister…"akira turned to her long lost sister  
"MARYLIN WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?"  
naruto appeared in front of her with his masamune pointing at akira  
marylin simply ran beside naruto's leg toward his brother  
'kh…I can't…move  
what the heck?'  
naruto glanced at his knee  
it was a senbon needle  
'HAKU?  
wait…that can't be  
she's in iwa…so…what the heck?'  
naruto couldn't help but stare as akira fell on his knees and tears ran down his cheeks as he finally embraced marylin  
"onii-san…_sniff_"  
"marylin…I'm never letting you go sis…nev-"  
akira also stiffened just like naruto  
'marylin?'  
"onii-san…why?"  
she began walking toward naruto  
"why didn't you save mommy?"  
she passed him and took yamato out of the village gates and looked at his brother  
"papa showed me…how you just lied there and watched mother die…_sniff…_you didn't even get up to kill them after they killed her"  
she walked toward akira with the sword slowly dragging on the ground  
"why?...didn't you promise to protect us when papa's gone?  
WHY DIDN'T YOU KEEP YOUR PROMISE BAKA ONII-CHAN?" tears flowed down her red cheeks like a small river  
"IF YOU WEREN'T SO WEAK…_sob…_she'd be still alive and…_sniff_…papa would still be here"  
akira could only stare  
'she's…right'  
all he could do was look down as she approached him  
'akira-sama' itachi glanced to his right and saw what was going on  
he threw a shuriken toward the senbon in akira's neck and a kunai toward his sister  
as soon as the shuriken knocked the poison senbon down, akira reached his hand out and put it on her cheek  
itachi's kunai pierced the back of akira's hand but he couldn't care less  
"I'm sorry ma-chan…you're right  
I wasn't strong enough and couldn't hold my promise  
but what can I do?  
it's too late and no matter what I do, I can't bring her back"  
"liar  
papa said…you know of a way to bring mommy back"  
'…the impure sacrificial resurrection?'  
"I do  
but-"  
"THAN WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?"  
she put the blade on his chest and stared into his endless black eyes  
'ugh...don't fall for it akira...he's being manipulated by the sword'  
"I need mother's blood to do it"  
"w…we have her blood in us right?"  
she put the katana on her little wrist and closed her eyes  
akira grabbed the yamato and threw it toward naruto  
it pierced the ground between his legs…mercy!  
"what do you think you're doing?"  
"I'm…sacrificing myself for-"  
SLAP  
the whole world seemed to stop at the sound  
naruto's band and itachi stood still, panting for air while staring at akira in disbelief  
'holy shit' A, sasuke, jiraya and zabuza thought in unison  
'dafuq did I just see?' tsunade rubbed her eyes  
'…I should've brought my pikon camera' itachi cursed at himself  
'oh boy' naruto was beginning to shiver from the tension and since his demonic chakra was removing the poison, he was regaining his senses again  
marylin stared at akira's vehement eyes in disbelief at first  
her red cheek was burning from the harsh slap that came to it  
tears began rolling down her cheeks but akira still stared into her eyes like he was going to rip her head off at any moment  
"_sniff…_onii-san…"  
"akir-"  
"**SHUT YOUR TRAP"  
**itachi froze in his place  
he felt like akira could strangle him just by looking at him from the anger in his voice  
she wiped her tears and respectfully looked at akira's knees  
"**do you…really want mommy back?"  
**"yes"  
"more than anything?"  
she nodded  
**"alright…I'll bring her back  
naruto…with me  
itachi  
you'll protect uzugakure as my emissary…oh right"  
**akira grabbed the yamato and naruto's head and dragged him along  
tsunade ran toward marylin and picked her up and kissed her cheek were akira slapped it  
"are you okay sweetie?"  
"mhm"  
"it's okay honey…It's okay now"

**THE CHASM IN IWA**

**VOOM  
**akira dropped naruto on the ground and took the senbon out and walked to the middle of the chasm  
there, he sat on the ground and petted the soft moist earth  
naruto groaned and stretched to relax his stiffness  
"so…what now?"  
"help me with the ritual"  
"huh?"  
"I'm gonna revive mom  
I'm asking you to help me do it"  
"sorry bro but I'm not gonna do it"  
**"you don't have a choice"  
**akira turned to naruto and dashed forward  
naruto also shifted into his demonic form and ran as fast as he could  
they both jumped into the air and charged their fist full of chakra  
**"UZUMAKIIII"  
"AKIRAAAA"  
**their fists connected with each other's face and both were thrown back and crashed on the soft ground  
**"heh…so you're actually human afterall"  
"what are you talking about?"  
"I thought it weird at first…I mean my dad killed your mom  
it's only natural for you to want to kill me  
but you didn't…you helped me achieve my goals  
why is that?"  
**akira looked down at his feet and started shaking  
"it's because…mother told me…to forgive you"  
**"you did as your mother told you…but deep inside…you hate us don't you?"  
"OF COURSE I DO  
IF IT WASN'T FOR YOUR FATHER, NONE OF THIS SHIT WOULD'VE HAPPENED  
my family would still be here  
we'd be living our own lives  
you'd be living yours happily as the son of the yondaime hokage and not hated by every stupid creature that walks on its two legs and calls itself human...and...i wouldn't have to die  
so the least you can do is listen to my last request"**  
"well…it won't repent for my clan's sins but…I guess I have no choice"  
akira took his coat and black sleeveless shirt off  
he took out a small red book out of his pocket and threw it at naruto  
"it's only three simple pages"  
naruto took twenty minutes to memorize the book and threw it away  
"why're you doing this?"  
"isn't that obvious?  
her happiness means the world to me"  
he looked at his reflection on the edge of the yamato  
"but do you have to?  
you could live together…she doesn't need to be there for your happiness to-"  
"she does  
I don't care if she's just a child and I don't care if it's just a childish request that bends time and space  
I don't want her to grow up without a mother like you and I did  
the outcome is…well…either a sis-con like me or some dipshit who only knows how to please women"  
"well…when you think of it…when she grows up, she's gonna be hot as-"  
"AHERM"  
"right…on with the ritual I guess…"  
akira shoved the yamato into his chest without hesitation and blood flowed out like a river  
he used it to draw a circle and a hexagon on the ground  
"heh…in another world…I would've taught you this jutsu I really like…but I guess it's gonna die with me"  
"shut up and do your work already"  
naruto sat in front of the seal and started going through handseals  
akira dropped himself on the soft ground and pulled the dagger out, letting the blood flow freely  
he could feel life slowly escape his tissues  
his breathing became slower and more like wheezing  
'i guess…this is it…right mom?  
at least I got to see marylin one last time…wish I could've kissed her cheeks though…'  
the seal began glowing and naruto started murmuring spells  
'_sigh_...this is...really...unfair...'

**ONE WEEK LATER – UZUGAKURE DAYCARE**

"**well kids  
that's it for today  
remember to behave well and don't bother your parents"  
**"HAI KYUU-SENSEI"  
**"now get outta here  
your parents are waiting outside"  
**the kids ran out of the room laughing and talking about their day and how they'll cry all night and bother their parents  
and as always, marylin sat on her chair next to the window and sighed  
"m…marylin?"  
the red haired child felt like she just lost a million pounds and would fly any moment  
she knew that voice  
"mommy?"  
she turned around and ran into her mother's arms while crying from happiness  
asuna knelt down and embraced her child and kissed her all over  
she didn't care what came in contact with her lips…she just showered her with kisses  
**"…I take it that you succeeded?"  
**naruto scratched the back of his head and entered the room  
"yeah I guess...was really a bother trying to calm her down though"  
**"pity though…he didn't have to die…he was a good kid"  
**"yeah…but it was his choice  
he said he didn't want marylin to grow up without a mother by her side"  
**"well…what now?"  
**"hm?"  
**"akira handed control over to you…so what're you going to do with the world?"  
**"….i don't know…at first…I just wanted to be a hokage  
I didn't think I'd be controlling the world one day…"  
**"well  
I think the least akira deserves is a monument"  
**"nah  
who do you think would understand what he had to go through?  
no one could understand that kind of loneliness…not even me  
I at least had you to talk with…he was wondering the world all alone since childhood, looking for his sister….it's not easy to go mad and take vengeance against the world when things like that happen to a kid"  
**"…yeah…I hear ya"  
**"well…I think I'll treat myself to a many-some"  
he created five clones  
"tell hinata, tenten, tayuya, shizune, ino and ayame to come over to my room  
tell them it's gonna be an all-day-long"  
**"huh?  
aren't you tired at all?"  
**naruto turned to kurama and his eyes changed  
they were akira's  
**"actually…"  
**he put his hand on kurama's shoulder and absorbed the astonished demon  
**'I was hoping you'd help me with that bro'  
'h…how?'  
'after the ritual finished and his mother appeared…he told me to take his eyes and use them as I want  
when I took them, I also got all his jutsus  
pretty neat huh?'  
'fucking…let's just get this over with'**

**TWENTY MINUTES LATER – UZUKAGE'S ROOM**

Naruto had moved his chair to the middle of the room and was staring patiently at the doors  
**'I'm so gonna rape that bitch for fixing these doors over and over…'**  
a few seconds later, a group of flushed and panting women appeared in the corrider and naruto stood up  
one look into naruto's eyes and they knew they were gonna get it goooood  
naruto blinked and showed his new eyes  
**"COME ON"  
**he made four clones and all of them got to work on a girl  
he personally started with tayuya  
**"Didn't I tell you to stop repairing those doors you bitch?"  
**"FUCK THE DOOR FAGGOT  
JUST FUCK ME HARDER"  
naruto took his dick out of her vag and shoved it inside her anus, making her scream  
**"YOU DARE talk back to your kage?  
I'll fuck you till you can't walk bitch"  
**after she passed out from naruto's thrashing, naruto dispelled shizune's clone and ordered her to sit on the table  
he spread her legs and did the same to her as he did to tayuya and shoved his cock inside her asshole, also making her scream  
**'oi gaki  
don't overdo it or you'll be-'  
'I know  
just…let me forget'  
'….'**

**NEXT DAY **

"Ho…Lee…Shit did I do that?"  
he woke up on the couch and stared in awe at the five nude and angelic girls on his floor all curled up and hugging each other  
**'uh..yeah?  
you passed out after your…I dunno  
I lost count after twelve on hinata'  
**"hmm…you know…maybe I should invite hanabi over too?"  
**'don't get too carried away gaki  
can I go now?  
my body hurts'  
"fine…"  
**naruto's hand began glowing green and he pointed forward  
the green glow floated off of his hand and made the shape of a ball in front of him  
a second later, kurama appeared, looking like someone who's fighting cancer  
"WHOA  
what happen-"  
**"DON'T ask what happened because I think you of all people should know"  
**"come on  
I didn't put that much pressure and stress on you did i?"  
kurama turned on his heels and walked out of the room, eager to meet the kids and replenish himself mentally  
"_sigh..._what to do with the world now..."

* * *

yes yes i know i know  
crappy ending  
my apologies  
and thanks for sticking with the story for so long  
cheers


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